ShootDown
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Spy satellite shoot-down: The Movie
Like a vivid fever-dream Michael Bay might have after a night of pounding Sparks, this video of our nation's darkest hour and greatest triumph will have you screaming for a sequel. Confirming our belief that the out-of-control spy satellite which the Navy shot out of the sky in February really did contain a planet-destroying plague of zombie juice and / or Aliens, this roller coaster ride of a film retells the whole drama -- replete with swelling strings and in-your-face rage rock. Enjoy the epic video after the break, as well as a recap of our extensive coverage of the event, and rest easy knowing that once again great disaster has been averted... or has it?[Via Wired]
Video proof of the renegade satellite's destruction
Sure, it's one thing to hear about that satellite getting blown to bits, but there's nothing like cold, hard video evidence to really cement our belief in the Navy's extreme skill at hitting fast moving objects in space with huge missiles. Yes -- the video is grainy and hard to make out, but if you can't tell how bad we blew that thing out of the sky... well maybe you're not looking hard enough. See it all go down (literally) after the break.[Thanks to everyone who sent this in]
Alien or zombie threat averted: the spy satellite has been destroyed... probably
Just like the Navy told us, they shot that nasty satellite out of the sky with the kind of laser-like precision they've been claiming they're capable of for years. At right around 10:30 this evening, expensive missiles were fired from the deck of the USS Lake Erie, traveling into space at an excess of 5,000mph, which then slammed into the Alien / zombie-juice / Russian controlled satellite (which itself was traveling at 17,000mph). Right now details are still sketchy on just how much damage was done to the object, but word on the street (aka, from the Navy) is that just about any hit to the satellite would put it out of our misery, due to the speed and trajectory at which it's traveling. The story is still developing, so if any of the zombie spore does manage to reach Earth and spark an undead holocaust, we'll be the first to let you know.
Cost of shooting down a spy satellite: $60m. Look on Alien's face when the missile hits: priceless.
Sure, it seemed like the Pentagon had things wrapped up when they told us that they'd be aiming their rockets skyward and blasting that pesky zombie-spore and / or Alien-carrying satellite out of the sky. Of course, they failed to tell us the price: sixty million dollars. What seemed at first to be a simple game of Missile Command has become an extensive military operation, involving modified rockets and control systems, hundreds of industry experts and scientists, as well as the Aegis sea-defense cruiser accompanied by two destroyers. The Navy will wait until the space shuttle lands next Wednesday before beginning operations, and they say they're fully prepared to bring W.O.P.R. online if anything goes wrong. The kicker? They'll probably miss.[Thanks, Laura]Update: Apparently Russia is calling the whole operation a cover for the US government to test out a new anti-sat tactical missile system. Ok, we wouldn't rule that option out, but it's not like the concept of shooting down satellites is so revolutionary, right? We mean, haven't governments been capable of blowing up satellites for decades, now? Thanks, Mukul.
Pentagon to shoot down renegade spy satellite
Good news, everyone! Remember that Alien-infested, out of control satellite we told you about a few weeks ago? Well, the US government has finally put together a plan to avoid the civilization-decimating disaster that would have resulted from its impact with Earth: they're gonna blow it up. That's right -- US officials have confirmed that they're going to use modified SM-3 missiles fired from a cruiser and destroyer off the Northwest coast of Hawaii to take the thing out. The weapons have additional fuel and new software which will allow them to reach the object in orbit, thus blasting it to smithereens. The resulting impact will leave nothing but "space junk," which will endlessly pollute the galaxy until we're wiped out by a reverse "Big Bang" or doomsday device. You may now return to your overpriced latté.
