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Zero Punctuation doesn't find paradise in Burnout
Zero Punctuation takes a spin in Burnout Paradise this week and discovers that cars have taken over Paradise City and people are nowhere to be found. The main sticking point Yahtzee has with the game is that while Burnout Paradise has an open world like Grand Theft Auto, requiring the player to look at a map during a high-speed chase is a bit awkward. He realizes the game isn't designed for him, but rather for people who don't have time to play games and are too busy having carnal relations.This week's NSFW review of Burnout Paradise, involving a joke about female menstruation and biscuit mutilation, can be found after the break.[Thanks, Sam]
Zero Punctuation tears up Devil May Cry 4
Did you feel that Devil May Cry 4 was so busy with its own style that it neglected to actually let you play -- well, so did Yahtzee. This week Zero Punctuation takes on DMC 4, the game which pulled a Metal Gear Solid 2 on us and introduced a character who was kind of like our original hero, but totally not. Don't be upset with Yahtzee's rage DMC fanboys, take solace in the knowledge that your beloved franchise has already shipped 2 million copies.This week's less NSFW than usual review of Devil May Cry 4 can be found after the break.
Zero Punctuation seeks Drake's Fortune, snorts some GDC
Wow, Yahtzee needs to visit the States more often if spending such a small amount of time for GDC brings on this level of devilishly delightful hate. This week Zero Punctuation takes on -- some will say quite unfairly -- Uncharted: Drake's Fortune. Every little possibly insane nit-pick thing is leveled against poor Uncharted, including the fact that it's the best game for white supremacists ever. The issues are quite silly for a game that is currently one of the few jewels in the PS3's crown, but Yahtzee is in top entertainment form -- he even makes a rare appearance au naturel (like as a human, not naked).Included after the break with this week's NSFW review of Uncharted: Drake's Fortune is ZP's video presentation at the Game Developers Choice awards.
Zero Punctuation attempts building SimCity Societies
If you believe that Zero Punctuation's only reason for playing SimCity Societies was to make a totalitarian government in the vein of the Nazi regime -- well, you'd be right. This week Yahtzee takes on the fantastically average game and ends up complaining about it more than making fun of it. In the end he says that SimCity Societies isn't worth the player's time, but then anybody who actually bought SimCity Societies probably already knows that.After the break you'll find this week's NSFW review of SimCity Societies, with special Team Fortress 2 homage to the love which dare not speak its name.
Zero Punctuation 'previews' begin on X-Play Feb. 12
If you can't wait until Wednesdays to get your Zero Punctuation fix, G4's X-Play will begin showing "previews" of Yahtzee's adventures in game-review land every Tuesday beginning February 12 before the "uncut" reviews are posted on The Escapist the following day.Basically, G4 will probably be showing a watered-down (i.e. censored) version of the profanity-laden reviews before The Escapist gives us our quality fix the following day. Although its nice that G4 is presumably giving Mr. Croshaw some extra cash to spend on hookers with genetic anomalies, perhaps X-Play (and its revamped format) could come up with something original to grab viewers instead of riding The Escapist's coattails? But, this is clearly a win-win for both sides.
Zero Punctuation hears the Call of Duty
The Call of Duty 4 fans demanded it and this week Zero Punctuation finally reviews one of the best games of 2007. Yahtzee isn't keen on Americans or patriotic "gun wank" games, so it probably speaks to CoD4's amazing design that he actually seemed to care during that scene (watch the review if you want the spoiler). Take heart CoD4 fanboys, Yahtzee seemed to enjoy his time in nameless-sandy-country. The experience didn't bring him Portal levels of elation, but he did enjoy it enough that he forgot to eat dinner.After the break is where you'll find this week's NSFW review of CoD4.
Zero Punctuation goes through the motions with Umbrella Chronicles
The anger just isn't there this week as Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee experiences the difficulty curve of the Wii's zombie-blasting rail shooter, Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles. Yahtzee still "brings it" to our expectations, but what is there left to "be brought" when mocking the Resident Evil series? Yahtzee takes digs at the RE story, dialogue, and tops it with some decent potshots at the characters -- but really, who hasn't done that at this point in gaming history? In the end, he respects Umbrella Chronicles for doing something different. Hopefully The Escapist can afford to get the guy a game to actually be angry about next week.After the break is where you'll find this week's NSFW clip.
Zero Punctuation causes 'Crysis' with vaguely positive review
Not since the Orange Box review has Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee spoken so highly of a game as he does this week about Crysis. And by "so highly" we mean he hates it slightly less than usual and barely manages a recommendation of it.Yahtzee was certainly enamored with how pretty Crysis is, going so far as saying if the game were personified and in a male prison it would probably have it pretty rough -- well, unless the first-person shooter was into that sort of thing. Speaking of "that sort of thing," he does mention that your high-end PC may not be able to sit for a couple days given the PC parts needed to get it running at its very best.Anyway, check out this week's NSFW review of Crysis after the break.
Zero Punctuation visits Silent Hill's origins and dies inside
Yahtzee's got a soft spot for the Silent Hill series, a soft spot that had a steel spike jammed through it during Silent Hill Origins. Believing that the game was nothing but a fan-service cash-in he declares the series dead after his experience with Origins and Silent Hill 4: The Room -- but he's leaving a spot in his blackened heart for redemption with Silent Hill 5. So prepare yourself for a four minute Zero Punctuation rant that even our resident Silent Hill fanboy declares, "Wow, that's one of [Yahtzee's] best yet!"Find this week's NSFW trip to Silent Hill by Yahtzee after the break.
Zero Punctuation hates Jericho
This week on Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee travels back to the time when our game selection was much slimmer and hates on Clive Barker's Jericho. It's worth noting that even a month later the spread on reviews for Jericho is still quite impressive. Yahtzee complains about the colors, design and just the overall product that has rekindled his hatred after weeks of ho-hum blood lust. Let's see if The Escapist can stop sending Yahtzee games by carrier pigeon to Australia and get him some games from the deluge we currently find ourselves in.
Underbelly of reviews on display at The Escapist
There's a tired adage, we're sure you've heard it, it's something like the two things you don't want to watch being made are sausages and laws. A new feature at The Escapist has convinced us that you might just want to add review scores to that list. Plenty of industry luminaries weigh in on the subject, including Gabe from Penny Arcade, Jeff Green of Games for Windows Magazine and Warren Spector, but the real dirt comes from some more anonymous sources. Found within are stories of reviewers having to change scores to not upset editor's pals and others not even logging into games before reviewing them.To emerge on the other side is to have a better understanding of how a review score is born and what it means to those whose lives are mixed up in it, but you may also not be able to look at that 7.5 the same way ever again. Consider yourself warned.
ESRB's censorship wound re-opened, user-made content to break the ratings system
In an article published today titled "The Breasts that Broke the Game", The Escapist re-visits a bit of news that should have caused a commotion but barely grabbed our attention. In April of last year, the ESRB changed the rating of Oblivion from "T" to "M", citing newly-discovered gore and violence as well as a user-made mod that made all the female characters topless. Bethesda crafted the perfect response, agreeing to comply with the ratings upgrade but reminding everyone it has no control over third-party creations.The mod was created because a woman named Maeyanie hated "government/society/whatever forcing companies to 'protect our innocent population from seeing those evil dirty things 50% of them possess personally anyways'". The Escapist points out that the mod was tame, featuring little more than Barbie doll-style nudity, yet the ESRB still flipped out. User-made content is fast becoming the focus of videogames (see Spore, LittleBigPlanet, The Sims), and with that will come an influx of sex-related creations. How should the ESRB respond? With a new ratings category ("W" for "We're not responsible")? Slapping an "M" on every game that gives you an iota of customization control?
XBL gets its mouth washed out with soap
The sometimes forgotten reality of Xbox Live is how much of a scurrilous cesspool it is. This was brought into pie chart form by one Mr. Josh Smith last February after he recorded nearly 34 hours of Halo 2 then dissected it with a keen eye on the cussin'. Dean Takahashi, author of Opening the Xbox and Xbox 360 Uncloaked, writes a column this week for The Escapist on the Xbox platform's best feature: Xbox Live. Oh yeah, except it's not about how great it is, it's about how much profanity there is. Of course, Microsoft has taken measures to address this shortcoming with the 360's four different gamer "zones" and a feedback system. Takahashi writes, "Taking a cue from eBay, the service now has a feedback system where gamers can rate their rivals. Each player carries a reputation with him. By clicking on someone's gamertag, it's easy to file a complaint about someone. If the complaints pile up, Microsoft can remove the gamer from the service."With Halo 2 still dominating Xbox Live charts, it's hard to tell if the new features are going to be effective in making the 360's first multiplayer killer app fun to play.
Familiar voices on The Escapist's podcast
The Escapist, the weekly gaming web-mag, has dropped the "ist" for their just launched podcast dubbed "Escape Radio." What you'd think would be full of erudite discussions on various facets of MMOs, text adventures, MMOs, sex in games, and MMOs turns out to be full of the stuff we all like to hear about. Y'know, the talk of the week like the ATI/AMD union and, yes, Wii jokes ('cause it sounds like wee!). Who do we have to thank for this production? The former co-hosts of the excellent Gamers with Jobs Radio, a podcast that we pimped at this very site less than a year ago. Like lost pets in a Hollywood movie, hosts Russ Pitts and Shawn Andrich have found their way home, a return to form, despite the new parentage and new RSS feed. We've added this to our regular podcast lineup, right where GWJ Radio used to be.
Shouldn't Games Be Fun?
This article from The Escapist tackles the topic of boredom in video games, and having recently spent the time to grind to honored standing with the Timbermaw faction, I can certainly understand what they're talking about. At some point in World of Warcraft it's all about the grind - whether you're grinding for faction standing, grinding for honor in PvP, grinding for gold, or grinding for gear in dungeons. And when the demands of the games are no longer fun for players? Some just leave, but others bypass the rules and purchase characters or gold - allowing others to do the less interesting parts for them. From the article: "It's fair to say that many players using these services find the time commitments required of them to be distasteful - in a word, these games are boring."
"I Hate You, E3," declares Escapist writer
Okay, so maybe not hate completely.The eye-catching title of an essay from the latest installment of The Escapist puts the emphasis on the negative aspect of the love-hate relationship many industry vets have with E3, but there's surprisingly a lot of love for the trade show here, even if you don't subscribe to the hardened "I hate E3 because I love it" theory of convention devotion.While the Joystiq staff hasn't been to quite as many E3s as the founder of the International Game Journalists Association (IGJA), we can certainly empathize with the world-weariness that might accumulate after years of weeklong death- press-marches and working in overcrowded, sensory-overloaded spaces. We just hope our love of the game(s) will stay with us as it has for Mr. Thomas, whether we're watching from home or working the show floor in person in post-apocalyptic L.A. The parties will be sure to be awesome.See also: Joystiq at E3 2006 mega-site The Escapist's big E3 issue this week, with references within to Joystiq's Paris Hilton story and some E3 party pics orig. from Joystiq The Game of Journalism -- the IGJA's official web site
