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Stride Gum pitching in to stop Uwe Boll
Sometimes news comes across our digital desk that's just too odd not to pass along to you. This is just one of those stories: The makers of Stride Gum are putting 1 million packs of gum on the line to put a stop to Uwe Boll's directing career. In short, if this petition receives another 764,000 signatures or so by May 14, the company's going to give every one of the signers a free pack of gum on May 23.Wait, this is a publicity stunt? Oh, yeah, we know. But you know what else we know? We love free gum. These are the kind of moral quandaries you get into every day as a video game blogger, but we're pretty sure we made the right call on this one.
Uwe Boll confirms 'Boll vs. Bay' brawl, Michael Bay denies accepting Boll's challenge
Those who were wishing to actually witness a few rounds of fisticuffs between crummy filmmaker Uwe Boll and occasionally crummy filmmaker Michael Bay (following Boll's challenge last weekend) have certainly ridden a rollercoaster of excitement and disappointment these past few days. We admit, we got pretty pumped after viewing the above video, a supposed confirmation that Bay had accepted Boll's terms, and that the two would meet in the ring -- unfortunately, this directorial showdown isn't in the cards (much to Boll's chagrin, we're sure).An administrator on Michael Bay's official forums recently talked to the blockbuster poster boy (currently doing post-production work for "The Horsemen") who denied accepting Boll's challenge, and claimed he'd never spoken directly with Boll in the first place. We can't help but wonder -- is this another publicity stunt for the antagonized franchise-wrecker in light of the May 23 U.S. release for "Postal", or has Uwe finally lost his damn mind? Little from Column A, little from Column B.[Thanks, Fernando]
Uwe Boll thinks Michael Bay 'sucks big time', wants to fight
We were always taught to "use our words" to solve disputes between our peers and colleagues; but we guess if your words are ogreish and oft-incomprehensible, your fists will have to do. That's right -- Uwe Boll, much like the honor-bruised 1800 presidential candidate Aaron Burr, has officially donned the boxing gloves he wore in the Webcritic Massacre of 2006 (and while he wrote the script for "Postal", we assume) and challenged the king of summer blockbusters, Michael Bay, to twelve rounds in the ring.No offense, Bay -- we loved "Bad Boys 2", but you'll forgive us for putting our money on Boll's massive ham-fists. What that guy lacks in movie making ability and social graces, he more than makes up with his pugilistic proclivities.
One million signatures to keep Uwe Boll directing
We feel kind of dirty giving any sort of attention to the cancerous boil on film directing that is Uwe Boll, but when the guy is acting this freaking weird we just can't help ourselves. Boll has followed up his offer to stop directing if an online petition against him reached 1,000,000 signatures with a heavily-accented YouTube video that manages to insult Eli Roth, Michael Bay, George Clooney and practically all of Hollywood as "fucking retards" that don't understand that Boll is "the only genius in the whole fucking business."While Tinseltown insults are all well and good, what really interested us was Boll's call for a "pro Boll petition" to counteract the anti-Boll forces. Boll said he "expect[s] a million votes, Pro Boll," and he's already well on his way, with a whopping 72 signatures so far on the Pro-Boll petition set up by FilmDrunk.com. That's a far cry from the 137,644 that have signed the anti-Boll petition as of this writing, but maybe it takes "the only genius in the whole fucking business" to understand the vagaries of the math involved.Watch the video and read a transcript of Boll's rant after the break.
One million signatures to end Uwe Boll's directing career
You'll never be able to get back those eight-and-a-half bucks you blew on your ticket for Uwe Boll's "Alone In The Dark", but those seeking revenge against the infamous German filmmaker will be pleased to know that a recent interview with FEARnet revealed a giant glowing weak point in his floundering directorial career -- amidst Nazi humor and PETA endorsements, Boll commented on a petition, currently at around 18,000 signatures, for him to forever put an end to his game franchise-defiling ways. It'll take more than that to derail his train of box office catastrophes, he claimed -- though one million signatures should do the trick.We doubt one million people have even been exposed to Boll's unique brand of sensory torment -- but still, this remains your best chance to fulfill any vendettas you may hold against the pugnacious producer. With enough door-to-door campaigning and MySpace chain letters, this lofty goal may be attainable. If not, we can always hold out hope for the merciful release of bankruptcy.
Travel channel's Bourdain hits EA Vancouver studio, lands role in Boll's Far Cry
Anthony Bourdain is probably the flyest guy you've never heard of -- he's a life long student of the culinary arts, star of the popular show "No Reservations" on the unpopular Travel Channel, and is smarter and better-traveled than a handful of Ernest Hemingways. On top of a stack of best selling books and a successful culinary career, Bourdain now has a few more feats to tack on to his resume following his show's recent trip to Vancouver -- he's a special guest in EA Sports' FIFA Street 3, and and extra in Uwe Boll's next box office train wreck, "Far Cry".Yes, during his trip to the Great White North, Bourdain not only had the opportunity to have a (hideous) character modeled after him at EA Vancouver's swanky headquarters, he also got to drop by the Far Cry set (check it out after the jump), where it seems he received a fairly cold reception from Boll. That's okay, though -- before taking the stage as "Dr. Gets Shot in the Chest", Bourdain added his own commentary about Boll's burgeoning career -- "Perhaps you know his work from such films as 'House of the Dead' and 'Bloodrayne'.""And then," he says with a smug grin, "maybe not."
LA Times: game narratives too 'weak' for movies, Uwe Boll agrees
Los Angeles Times Magazine spent some time breaking down the rules of Hollywood, schooling would-be fortune-seekers and laying down some hard truth: "Hollywood can't win at video games." Filmmakers are advised to avoid video games as source material because games' "weak narratives" haven't transitioned to the big screen as well as comics – a sentiment echoed by Uwe Boll during a recent Fox News interview; the infamous director declares, "A lot of video games have no story." (Yeah, especially light gun games.) But even something as intricately devised as the Halo universe doesn't seem to hold much promise in the eyes of Hollywood. Halo script re-writer Josh Olson (A History of Violence) complains that video games "have aimless cycles. You go to A, shoot some monsters, then go to B, then start over and do it again." Why argue?Historically, Hollywood has done a miserable job selecting games for film adaptation, while we've enjoyed plenty of strong narratives developed for and executed in games. We say: Why give Hollywood a chance to muck up the true gems? The game industry has nothing to prove to American cinema. Read - LA Times (subscription required; try: bugmenot)Watch - Uwe Boll on Fox News (warning: obnoxious)
Metareview - In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
We think it's safe to assume that everybody who's reading this is familiar with Uwe Boll and his auspiciously terrible body of work, which includes such gems as "Bloodrayne", "House of the Dead", and Rotten Tomatoes' second worst reviewed movie of all time, "Alone in the Dark". That's why it may surprise you to learn that Boll's latest (and possibly last) big-budget box office flop, "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale", is actually ... wretched, of course! Don't be silly.In this very special edition of Metareview, we're taking a look at the cream of the crop of the film's reviews, which have already provided us with more entertainment than the actual movie ever could. Join with us in our appreciation of these brave reviewers, who have unwittingly tacked their own names onto Boll's lengthy "to be punched in the face repeatedly" list. Sam Adams - Los Angeles Times: "Uwe Boll isn't the worst director in the world, but In the Name of the King might be more enjoyable if he were." Dustin Putman - TheMovieBoy.com: "[The movie] would be irredeemable if not for its near-brilliant ability to give the viewer douche chills for 127 solid minutes." Jim Lane - Sacramento News and Review: "It's like a Florida dinner theater production of The Lord of the Rings, though it's not without enjoyment if you're in a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 frame of mind." Scott Weinberg - Cinematical: "If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Uwe Boll just spent 126 minutes telling Peter Jackson how thin, talented and gorgeous he is." Joe Leydon - Variety: "Doug Taylor's script, loosely based on the "Dungeon Siege" vidgame, is a lazy mash-up of cliched situations, grandiose speechifying and verbal anachronisms. But, then again, "In the Name of the King" is the sort of half-baked farrago that brings out the worst, or the least, in almost everyone involved."
There's a new trailer for Postal
"A religious charlatan (Foley), his mild mannered nephew (Ward) and a gang of bosomy commandos face off against Osama bin Laden and the Taliban in an epic battle that will determine the fate of the world in Postal, the latest film from controversial director Uwe Boll (BloodRayne). Boll roasts an entire herd of sacred cows and smashes taboos to smithereens in this over-the-top and hilariously subversive critique of modern day America."...We thought we'd kick off with the description of Postal straight from the site of this new trailer, just because there is literally no combination of consonants and vowels we could create that would be more entertaining than that. Also, we're happy for Uwe Boll's burning of sacred cows, but did one of them have to be Dave Foley? Dear, sweet Dave Foley! Where did things go so wrong?!
No more big-budget bombs for Boll
Bad news for Uwe Boll love-to-haters: the infamous German director and pouting pugilist will see his future endeavors financially constrained after his latest $70 million video game adaptation, "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale," set the box-office alight with all the effectiveness of two moist fish furiously rubbed together. The $3 million weekend opening marked the director's third consecutive failure to Boll audiences over, and with no more German tax shelter funds to rely on, it looks to be his last big-budget bomb.Not willing to throw in the raggedy towel just yet, Uwe Boll (pronounce it correctly, please!) told The Hollywood Reporter that he plans to focus on smaller cinematic explosives. Like grenades. "These are films that represent my true passion, and they can be done with small budgets," said Boll. Bad movie lovers (or lovers of bad movies) need not fear -- if this director's proven adept at anything in the last few years, it's working around a complete deficit of worthwhile resources.[Thanks, David]
New Dungeon Siege movie trailer is incredible
You may have seen an ad on this very site for Uwe Boll's upcoming In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. Do yourself a favor: Head to the official website, go straight to the "Trailer" section and buckle in for the ride of your life. There's so much to enjoy here, we simply don't know where to begin. Should start by marveling at how Ray Liotta's main display of power seems to be making books spin around? Or is that too obvious?Should we mention some of the classic lines like "Those who you fight, we will help you fight them" and "Tomorrow we gouge evil from its shell"? Or should we note that while cool in movies like The Transporter, seeing Jason Statham (who's name is misspelled on the "Cast" page, natch) using martial arts in a medieval fantasy setting is totally rad? Honestly, we don't even know what you're still reading this for: You're about to witness the edge of reality.
You can kill Uwe Boll in Postal 3
We're not sure why you'd want to hurt Uwe Boll. Honestly, he's a dear, sweet man with a heart of gold. But apparently someone out there thinks that you've been hurt enough by his cinematic atrocities that you'd want to shoot his digi-version. The director will be placed into the upcoming Postal 3, according to developer Running With Scissors' president Vince Desi.Between BloodRayne, Alone in the Dark and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, you have plenty of reasons to want to off Boll. But is it enough to tempt you to play the third in a series of games that has scored averages between 55 and 62 percent?
It's pronounced 'OOV-UH-BUHL' says 'EWW-BOHL'
MTV's Multiplayer blog continues its helpful pronunciation guide, this week shifting from Nintendo's Reggie "FEEH-SUH-MAY" to notorious something-resembling-filmmaker, Uwe Boll. The German director notes that if you're going to bash his next anti-masterpiece (and let's face it, you almost certainly will), at least have the decency to get his name right. It's not "YEW-EE" or "EEE-VEE," it's "OOV-UH.""OOV-UH-BUHL."All that's left is to apply this knowledge to everyday conversation: "I can't wait to see OOV-UH-BUHL's interpretation of Far Cry's thought-provoking plot!" "I left a message on OOV-UH-BUHL's answering machine. I do hope it's spelled correctly." "Wow, I was simply BUHLED OOV-UH by how bad that movie was."
Uwe Boll making movie based on nonexistent Wii game
Zombie Massacre is barely a glimmer in developer 1988 Games' collective eye. They've got a rocking concept-- you're driving into the center of a zombie-plagued city in a vintage convertible, attempting to drop off a nuclear weapon-- but no game at the time. No engine, no screenshots, just a concept. And controversial German "film director"/pugilist Uwe Boll is already after it.That's fine, though. It would be impossible to ruin a silly, campy concept like that, even if you are the brains (braaaaains) behind the House of the Dead movie. It lends itself to light-hearted horror/comedy. "I want to make this movie more creepy than House of the Dead, which was intended to be funny and campy," said Boll. "I'd like Zombie Massacre to be a harsh zombie movie like 28 Days Later."We stand corrected. Apparently it is possible to ruin that concept. The man is a master of what he does.[Via Game|Life]
Army of Two trailer features 9-11 imagery
We've got to be honest, when we heard that a new trailer for Army of Two featured imagery from the attacks of Sept. 11, we were a little nervous. After all, the last time gaming and 9-11 were mixed, the results were ... well, for fear of getting our lights punched out, let's say less than stellar. But after watching this trailer, we were actually kind of impressed.In the first place, it's kind of nice to see the subject being dealt with. It's something we all know about, all experienced, why shouldn't the medium deal with it? But it's still pretty gutsy to bring it up. We're not sure why that's still the way of things, but kudos to EA for stepping up. Also impressive is how it's dealt with. Images don't smack you in the face, it's never sensationalized, it's just two guys (who just happen to be mercenaries) having the same experience that millions of us did that morning. It is (dare we say it?) tasteful.... Now, about those tampons.
PAX 07: Uwe Boll's guest appearance on video
Don't say the guys at Penny Arcade don't love you. With a large auditorium full of fans, they really wanted to give everyone something special, something we'd all remember for a long time. So they invited a special guest. Apparently good buddy Jack Thompson wasn't available, so they opted for Public Enemy #2: "filmmaker" Uwe Boll.First, we'd like to personally congratulate Uwe for climbing on stage in front of hundreds of people who ... dislike his films to present his side of the story. Sure, a lot of folks got right up and walked out (not unlike seeing his films in theaters!) and the clips he showed off didn't elicit an overwhelmingly positive fan reaction ... but we're still proud of Uwe for sticking to his clichéd guns without resorting to fisticuffs.
Uwe Boll calls up Chris Kohler -- hilarity ensues
What do you do for an encore after you've told a critic to go have sexual relations with his own mother? You agree to a follow-up interview and proceed to flip out. To say that Wired's Chris Kohler didn't enjoy Boll's latest film, Postal, is to say that smashing your toes with a hammer merely "tingles." The infamous director took it to Kohler earlier this week in a barrage of broken English and PR buffoonery that -- we thought -- couldn't be crazier if he tried.Uwe Boll ... you sly dog.Conducted via telephone, Boll opens the conversation by saying, "Whatever I say, you have to print it how it is, and correct the spelling." Kohler responds, "Well, there's no spelling on the phone. So, it's okay." Can you hear that? It's the sound of the lulztrain making a stop on your Internets.
Ben Kingsley explains why he did Bloodrayne
While sifting through the latest issue of Time magazine, we stumbled upon a ten question mini-interview with actor Ben Kingsley. One reader-submitted question, from Shane O'Sullivan of Auckland, New Zealand (thanks, Shane!) asked what we've all wanted to know. We've reprinted it here, because there's no way to say it better:What were you thinking when you accepted a role in Bloodrayne? It's so hard to imagine someone so gifted not realizing what a terrible film that would be!"I don't know whether to be upset or flattered by that question," read his response. "To be honest, I have always wanted to play a vampire, with the teeth and the long black cape. Let's say that my motives were somewhat immature for doing it."
NY Post sues Uwe Boll for infringement
German filmmaker Uwe Boll, well known in gamer circles for his film adaptations of video games, is being sued by the New York Post for "stealing the newspaper's trademark Web site and logos," according to The New York Sun.The situation effectively began when the Post ran a story criticizing "pariah" Boll on his use of the September 11 tragedy in the film, seen in a trailer. Boll then set up a website similar to the New York Post for use in promoting the film. The NY Post is asking that Boll discontinue use of the websites, that ownership of the domain names be transferred to the newspaper and the ever-popular "unspecified damages."
You are not worthy of this Dungeon Siege trailer
Oh sweet mother of mercy. How hard are you going to see this movie? Like Richter-scale hard? Though the end of the trailer says December, 1UP says that In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale has been moved to January, thereby guaranteeing that 2008 will be the greatest year ever.Honestly, if the whole thing was two minutes of Ray Liotta slo-mo backwards leaping, we would have already pre-purchased our tickets. But there's so much more to enjoy! There's Claire Forlani looking gorgeous! There's Jason Statham air kicking! There's John Rhys-Davies reminding us that, although he was in Lord of the Rings, he was also in 41 episodes of Sliders! We are left with just two questions. When, exactly, in January is this gem coming out, and where can we get a Ray Liotta "Life...has never been so exciting!" ringtone?[Via 1UP, Thanks, EternityInBlack]
