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The Soapbox: Tunnel vision
Disclaimer: The Soapbox column is entirely the opinion of this week's writer and does not necessarily reflect the views of Massively as a whole. If you're afraid of opinions other than your own, you might want to skip this column. As everyone knows, social gaming is doomed to failure. Mindless, repetitive drivel like FarmVille is just an enormous waste of time and clicking with no actual gameplay aspects involved, and there's no real depth to keep someone hooked. It's not even remotely close to an MMO, and obviously pretty much everyone will get bored with it and stop giving Zynga money in a couple of months. The only thing that stands in the way of that clearly correct opinion is the piles of money it continues to make. Of course, the above is what several gamers have been stating ever since the first seemingly innocent Facebook game came around. I'm restating it here not because I'm talking about social games but because it's a symptom of a larger problem. As gamers, we love to predict which MMOs will work and which ones won't, but we're also suffering from a terrible sense of tunnel vision that makes us really awful at that.
PSA: You're doing it wrong, community game teaches foreplay [Update]
Update: Community game, Break One Out, has been pulled from the Xbox Live Marketplace. Ladies and gentlemen, we're doing it wrong. After years of thinking we'd figured out every trick available from books and television, video games have revealed that the easiest method to get someone naked is by playing an Arkanoid clone over their (already naked) body. How did we discover the answer to one of the world's greatest mysteries? The Xbox Community Game, Break One Out (yeah, that's the name) taught us, of course! The game features Kitty -- we're sure that's her real name -- covered with blocks that must be destroyed by sending balls flying toward her. In hindsight, we probably could have put that in a less "double entendre" kind of way ... Even though the game doesn't feature any real nudity (naughty bits are covered up by black bars) it's surprising Microsoft wouldn't pull the content for fear of damaging its family friendly image. Thankfully, all Community Games are considered unrated content, which means the game isn't accessible when any of the Xbox 360 Family Settings are adjusted. Here's the real PSA. Don't buy this game, folks. Not because it's a bad game (and it is), not because it's sad (and oh boy, is it) but because it's 200 ($2.50) ... and the sequel will probably include co-op.
Top 5: Nintendo's Worst
var digg_url = 'http://digg.com/nintendo/Top_5_Nintendo_s_Worst'; 15 days ago, Guns N' Roses released their comically delayed album Chinese Democracy, giving hope to those who are still awaiting Duke Nukem Forever. Unfortunately, anyone looking for another Appetite for Destruction will be disappointed, as the new album's overcoming of its absurd delay overshadowed the album itself. One should question the album's association to the same band of twenty years ago, as Velvet Revolver contains more members of that legendary set. A more accurate title would be "Axl Rose solo project with some Buckethead." After hearing the album, I can confirm that it deserves a hearty "meh." If you truly consider this to be a Guns N' Roses album (which I'm not so sure that I do), it's undoubtedly their worst. This got me thinking about the bottom rungs of other quality serial productions. Being the nerd that I am, it didn't take long for thoughts to drift towards gaming. We're all aware that it's a bit redundant to bash Nintendo as a company. But one aspect of the Big N which is almost never called into question is the quality of their games. Certainly there's always a few outliers which stray from conventional feelings just for disarray's sake, and good for them. Yet one would have to be certifiably bonkers to label anything from the main Zelda or Mario series as a truly terrible game. But like anyone who hasn't sold their soul to the devil, there's bound to be a few slip-ups. When you're talking about a history as enormous to gaming as Nintendo's, it'd be suspicious if there wasn't a blotch here or there. These aren't quite at the top of the "worst games of all time" list, but they'd certainly be if the list was Nintendo-exclusive. NEXT >> #ninbutton { border-style: solid; border-color: #000; border-width: 2px; background-color: #BBB; color: #000; text-decoration: none; width: 100px; text-align: center; padding: 2px 2px 2px 2px; margin: 2px 2px 2px 2px; } .buttontext { color: #000; text-decoration: none; font: bold 14pt Helvetica; } #ninbutton:hover { text-decoration: none; color: #BBB; background-color: #000; } The Top 5 is a weekly feature that provides us with a forum to share our opinions on various aspects of the video game culture, and provides you with a forum to tell us how wrong we are. To further voice your opinions, submit a vote in the Wii Fanboy Poll, and take part in the daily discussions of Wii Warm Up.
DS Daily: The unluckiest reviewer
So some dude (aka Matt Wadleigh of Thunderbolt) recently put up an editorial examining the ten worst games he ever had the misfortune of reviewing, and to our great surprise, several of them were DS titles. After a moment of outrage (and perhaps a hissy fit or two), we were reminded that reviewers are subjected to many more terrible games than the average discerning gamer, and suddenly, things made a lot more sense (also, he probably reviews a lot of DS games). Still, it made us think a little about the worst DS games we've played, both in the line of duty and in our off time ... which means we have to ask you about the worst games you've played. But not just DS games -- let's consider games from all systems, including PC, and then stack them against the worst DS offerings you've run into. Have you played more bad DS games than, say, bad PS2 games? Insert the system of your choice.We're not surprised that a lot of bad DS games exist. With people looking to make money off the juggernaut that is the DS, people are willing to throw anything out there in the hope that it sticks. But how often have you been burned on games that looked good but simply weren't?
What are the 5 worst DS games you ever played?
What do you think the top 5 worst games on the DS are? As we give you time to ponder that, we'll just dish out the list, as listed on Metacritic. It goes: King Kong Rhythm 'n Notes: Improve Your Music Skills Home Rollerz Wiffle Ball Deal or No Deal But, who cares about review scores, amirite? Instead, we figured there is no better source for the lowdown on crummy games than you all. So, tell us what your top 5 worst DS games are! We'll start you off with a very obvious one: Elf Bowling.
TurpsterVision: Battle of the Beards
Every Tuesday think "T" for Turpster and take the "a" in "day", capitalise it, remove the little bit in the middle, turn it upside down and you get a "V". Put the two together and you'll have TV for TurpsterVision -- the best Internet video podcast on Massively! (Never mind that business about it being the only video podcast on Massively...) I really hoped that I haven't peaked as an MMO reviewer, because this week's episode, complete with costumes and musical accompaniment, might be the best TV yet.This week our friendly co-lead blogger, Mike Schramm, punished me by having me review what many regard as an absolutely terrible game.With that said we invite you to join us after the break to see if Turpster can survive against such a title and hopefully answer the question on the lips of players around the world: Can Turpster really sing? I fear the answer to that question is no, but that doesn't stop him from trying!
DS Daily: The worst gaming gifts
Sure, it's sweet when your great aunt tries to buy you a video game, because she knows you like that Nintenstation, but it's sometimes hard to feign pleasure when you open up a budget Sudoku title or a Shrek game. C'mon, tell us your horror stories. Over the years of gaming, what are some of the worst gaming gifts you've received?
Worst worst games ever list ever
PC World has slapped up a list of the ten worst video game ever created. The list includes some obvious choices, including the over-produced (ET), the over-hyped (Daikatana) and the basketball-star-over-exposing (Shaq Fu). It also includes some rather surprising choices.While most of the games on the list are there for obvious gameplay flaws, the justifications for many of the listings seem kind of trivial. Super Columbine RPG is excoriated not for bad game design, but mainly because the game's web site is "some sort of crime against good design itself" (and the fact that the authors consider the game's content "appalling"). Prince of Persia: The Warrior Within makes an appearance despite receiving an 84% average on GameRankings (the justification? It changed a lot from Sands of Time and it was popular). And the obscure Nintendo DS and web-download game Elf Bowling is castigated for clogging up e-mail servers and getting old after a few plays (Were they expecting some sort of epic RPG?)The seven runners-up include more games that seem to be included solely because of violent content (Death Race 2000, Postal) political content (The Howard Dean for Iowa Game) or, um, educational content (The Typing of the Dead). Sure, these games aren't going to make any top ten lists, but are they really worse than totally unplayable clunkers like Charlie's Angels, or Ping Pals?
Why games suck
When games suck, we tend to blame the developer. This piece by David A. Rodriguez over at Buzzscope tries to shed some light on the development process behind bad games -- helping us figure out why they suck.As with many things in life, it's all about the money -- those who wield it have ultimate control, regardless of how unreasonable or impractical their desires. Rodriguez has a neat explanation: developers aren't artists, but they're in customer service. Whatever the customer wants, the customer gets. In this case, the customer is often the publisher, who wants to make more money by releasing a game that will sell. So, next time you think about picking up that copy of Crazy Frog Racer, remember this article -- and don't.[Via Eurogamer]
