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Bury the Shovelware: Bratz Ponyz 2
After a few controversial picks, I've decided to take the edge off and pick on an easy target. After all, doesn't picking on the weak make us all feel a little better? So don't worry about today: we've got not one but TWO S's replaced with Z's! Pedigree Instead of talking about the developer and publisher, let's just take a long look at the title. It's in three parts. First: "Bratz," a franchise which has been criticized locally for allegedly attempting to sell sex to children. Abroad, things are even worse: "On December 21, 2006, the National Labor Committee announced that the factory workers in China, who make Bratz dolls, labor for 94.5 hours a week, while the factory pays only $0.515 an hour, $4.13 a day. The per doll amount is $0.17, much less than the Bratz dolls actually cost (from $20 to $40)." (Wikipedia). And most important of all, let's not forget the last letter of the first word, a disgusting trait also shared with the second word: "Ponyz." When did the letter "S" become uncool? Did he totally say ohmigod and she was all like "right?" Or did Z suddenly become incredibly popular? Did Z come skateboarding through space while wearing sunglasses and playing a hot pink electric guitar? That's still cool, right? Finally, we have the number 2 ... as if there were so many unanswered questions at the end of Bratz Ponyz 1.
MissBimbo -- When satire turns serious
With a name like MissBimbo.com, you probably won't expect to find a reasoned, measured website where girls are taught the finer points of economic theory. Its founders, however, have definitely learned that lesson. Since launching in France two years ago as Ma-Bimbo.com, girls have created over 1.3 million "bimbos" which they teach to become fashion superstars. Like superstar celebrities Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, success for a girl is defined by these sites not by what they do, but by how they look. We live in a Barbie world, with Bratz dolls all around, constantly discussing fashionable celebrities' every moves. Aren't girls continually soaked in an increasingly confined prison of society's expectations? Parents turn a blind eye while their daughters eagerly learn the answer to the only question the world wants to ask them -- Hot or Not?Where parents were content to let the television raise their children, now they have the Internet to do their babysitting for them. Soupy Sales asked children to reach into their sleeping parents' wallets and send him those "funny green pieces of paper" (in return they'd receive a lovely postcard from Puerto Rico!). Parents were outraged! Now the Internet asks the children to text MissBimbo for $1.99 per text, and the parents gladly pay. Perhaps it isn't only the children that are learning a lesson. Kids should not be set free, unsupervised, on the Internet. Villainous marketers are waiting for them there. If it takes an over-the-top satirical (yet profitable) website like MissBimbo to make parents understand what's happened, then it has provided a real service. We come here not to bury MissBimbo, but to praise it.
DS releases for the week of February 25th
Unfortunately, not every week can be last week, but maybe you'll find something to interest you in this latest crop of releases, especially with the wide variety of titles hitting shelves across regions today. From the latest Naruto title to Soma Bringer's debut in Japan, it's an unusual week for DS games. Be sure to let us know what interests you! Brain Assist Bratz: Super Babyz Bubble Bobble: Double Shot Disney Friends Fantasy Aquarium by DS Mazes of Fate DS (for real this time?) Naruto: Ninja Destiny Petz Wild Animals: Tigerz Spitfire Heroes: Tales of the Royal Air Force
WRUP: We're so totally jazzed for Bratz Ponyz edition
As far as this week's releases go, there's only one game we care about: Bratz Ponyz. Who needs puzzles and word problems this week, we want to dress up ponies with all of the latest fashion. Ever since we had to babysit our niece, we've been all kinds of obsessed with those Bratz girls (did you know a movie released today? We already bought our tickets!). Hey, we're not ashamed to say it! And, yes, we ordered the dolls.So, where we'd normally ask what you're playing, we already know you're going to get your Bratz on with us. Hey, even if our review for Picross DS was favorable doesn't mean you should neglect a pony in need!
DS releases for the week of July 30th
Isn't it nice to have a few titles to choose from, rather than being limited to one or two? Weeks like this, even if we're not interested in several of the games personally, we still feel a little spoiled. We could get used to this. A few interesting releases this week, including Picross DS and -- ooh -- Spelling Challenges, the "game" we all need sometimes. Several interesting releases this week in Japan as well, for those of you on import watch. Bratz Ponyz Chameleon: To Dye For! Drake & Josh: Talent Showdown Glory Days 2 Pet Alien Picross DS Professional Fisherman's Tour: Northern Hemisphere Spelling Challenges and More! Head past the jump for releases in the rest of the world.
Bratz Ponyz screenz cause complex emotionz
It's ... it's not even a Bratz game. It's a Bratz spinoff game. It's more than likely a terrible cash-in game built around a horrible property, presented to little girls in the most insultingly manipulative way possible. It's way beyond the cliche of guys thinking girls' toys are gross; Bratz are just icky and wrong.Still, somewhere in these Bratz Ponyz, obscured by the corporate-designed horrible character art, we see a mid-90s PC-game/ToeJam & Earl art style peeking out. Seriously, those brightly-colored, cartoony backgrounds would easily be classified as good game art if it weren't for all the Abominationz treading their cloven, chibi hooves all over it. We can't believe what we're saying, but it looks kind of nice. What is happening?The screens are after the break, in support of the poor artist who got stuck on this project. Chin up, DS-game-artist-guy. You'll get away from the extraneous Z's one day. We also can't help but point out how the game apparently encourages kids to get "tatooz"-- for their horses.[Via NeoGAF]
DS games pepper Next-Gen's top 100 games of 2006
Where can you find Hannah Montana hanging out with FFIII? No, not on a shelf at your local GameStop -- in Next Generation's list of the top 100 best-selling games in North America in 2006. But you get more than just a regular ol' list; they also broke the games down by average critical rating, and it's pretty interesting to compare sales with review ratings. More signs that the review system could use an overhaul? Or just an indication that critics and gamers often look for different things?Some interesting things we noticed while perusing the list: Bratz outsold a lot of very good DS games, including Tetris. We can only guess that Games 4 Girls campaign worked. Also, we're now certain that Bratz dolls should be banned, due to the fact that they're obviously both evil and insidious. People really dig Cars. DS games started to get fewer and further apart as the list wound down. We suspect that's simply because there are too many great DS games for people to buy. Our wallets hurt. Really. But we're not complaining. Nintendogs barely made it into the top 50. We're surprised. The highest ranked DS exclusive: New Super Mario Bros., which came in at number 5.
Blitz Games joins the Revolution
IGN reports that UK developer Blitz Games, who is responsible for the enjoyable Fuzion Frenzy (and many other not so enjoyable titles such as Bad Boys 2 and Bratz: Rock Angelz), has officially claimed they are in cahoots with an undisclosed, yet assuredly big-named, publisher to bring a game to the Revolution. We personally hope it's another entry into the dangerous world of equestrian combat starring everyone's favorite spy Barbie. We're not being sarcastic at all, really.
