uwe-boll
Latest
Internet casino sponsoring "Raging Boll" event
Widely known for his anti-masterpieces, House of the Dead, Bloodrayne and Alone in the Dark, German film director Uwe Boll drew plenty of internet ire in June by sending out a public challenge to his (many, many) detractors. Like any civilized and intelligent human being, Boll decided that the best way to deal with those that disagreed with his artistic vision for videogame adaptations was to punch them in the face, grr! The invitation urged haters to fly to Vancouver and meet the German in the boxing ring for a one-on-one session of metaphorically rich pummeling. Internet casino Goldenpalace.com has issued a press release stating that they will be the ones to sponsor the event, now dubbed "Raging Boll."Naturally, the prestige gained from having your event backed by an internet casino cannot be overstated. The joint's CEO, Richard Rowe, notes that Boll's attention grab is refreshingly ridiculous. "We receive so many outlandish offers for advertising exposure that it is refreshing to see something that surprises even us. That is why we decided to get involved. This has gotten so much attention so far, and we can't wait to see how it will turn out." Before starting proper on 23 September, Uwe will stop off in Spain to battle Carlos Palencia Jimenez-Arguello, a critic who has already vowed to Kill Boll (challenge video embedded in the latter section of the post). After that bout, Boll will face Something Awful's Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka, Jeff Sneider from Ain't It Cool News, Chris Alexander of Rue Morgue and Nelson Chance Minter from Website Critic. All the fights will be filmed for inclusion in Boll's Postal film, no doubt rendered vaguely entertaining by showing his face deteriorating over the course of the event. It may even prove to be beneficial to his career -- a few brutal blows to the head might be just the thing to bring him to his senses. Perhaps then he'll realize how difficult it is to hold on to credibility when you've got boxing gloves on your hands.[Via GameSetWatch]
Boll adds Something Awful to punchout list
The man every gamer loves to hate has accepted an application to knock out (or get knocked out by) one of his many critics: Something Awful's Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka. Like a man of his word, Uwe Boll will not back down from those who seek to knock him from his throne of cinema la crap.So, unrelenting in their constant Boll-bashing, Something Awful is ready to step up to the plate and take one for the team: "I sent Mr. Boll an email, asking him if his offer still stood. Would he still fly me up to participate in one of his unintentionally horrific non-horror films, this time with the lure of physically kicking the snot out of me on film? Well folks, I'm proud to say the answer was 'yes.'"I wonder if Boll truly knew what he was getting into when he opened his big mouth. Perhaps he wouldn't be as hated around the Internets if he wasn't so outspoken about everything. Mr. Boll, please do us all a favor, shut your trap and try your hardest not to make movies that make us feel abused and insulted.[Via Destructoid]
Now's your chance to throw down with Uwe
Truth is indeed stranger than fiction, unless that fiction is the work of German film-butcher Uwe Boll, in which case its ability to destroy brain cells while melting your ocular receptors is pretty darn strange in and of itself. Otherwise, truth is stranger. Like when Sir Uwe released a press statement urging his critics to "put up or shut up!" Seriously. If you published at least two negative reviews of any of Uwe's films before 2006, either online or in print, submit proof to info@boll-kg.de and (if yours were especially mean) you could be selected as one of five lucky winners to throw down with Uwe in a 10-bout match. There are some caveats: you can't have two X chromosomes (sorry ladies); you have to be between 140 and 190 pounds (sorry skinny kung-fu guys); you can't ask for money (sorry opportunists). All you get is a hotel room in Vancouver and the possible lifelong satisfaction of knowing that the entire gaming community was living through you, vicariously, while you pounded on Uwe.
Pac-Man: The Movie, not coming to any theaters near you
In my opinion, the concept behind this home-made trailer for a fictional Pac-Man movie surpasses that of any other full length movie based on a game. Not that it's got much competition. Choice quote: "It looked like some kind of man, some kind of... Pac-man."[Thanks, Justin]
Metal Gear Solid movie confirmed definitively
Metal Gear Solid creator, Hideo Kojima, has already ruled out Uwe Boll ("it's impossible") as a directorial candidate of a possible cinematic adaptation of the celebrated series, without confirming that such a project was even under way ... until now, that is. Gamespot reports that the Kojima Productions spoof of the E3 Show Daily, dubbed "Show Maybe," teases, "In a late-breaking surprise announcement, director Hideo Kojima revealed that his most famous creation -- Metal Gear Solid -- is getting the live-action treatment."On the back page Kojima writes, "I have received many offers to adapt Metal Gear Solid. It has taken a long time, but we have finally settled on an arrangement ... False facts aside, a movie project is underway. I have finalized a Class-A contract with a party in Hollywood." Now that the cat's out of the bag, expect periodic updates leading up to the 2007 release of Metal Gear Solid 4. Who's directing? Whose starring? For once, fans can't complain about lengthy cut scenes!
Uwe Boll scores Starcraft trilogy rights
From the "news so icky it makes you itch" department, Mike Mullen of AOL Games wrote to let us know that we'd somehow missed his scoop on Uwe Boll's announcement that he'd managed to score rights to direct (and ruin, probably) a trilogy of movies based on Blizzard's hit Starcraft series of real-time strategy games. No actors or actresses have been confirmed, according to AOL, though Boll does have a short list in mind. We're still having trouble believing that Blizzard would ever lend the Starcraft name to a guy known (and reviled) across all of gamedom, but then again, Blizzard parent company Vivendi is known to have quite an appetite for game-to-movie and movie-to-game adaptations. Bloody hell.
Loken feels cheated after BloodRayne experience
It would seem Kristanna Loken has officially gone off the deep end after drawing comparisons between the works of Uwe Boll and The Bard. Referencing her role in our favorite director's upcoming Dungeon Siege film, Loken suggests, "My character basically lives in the trees with her band of women and protects the forest, I would think a la Puck in A Midsummer Night's Dream." A sign of the apocalypse, you say? The Terminator 3 star also feels cheated by Romar Entertainment's weak efforts in distributing the BloodRayne film, and she wasn't expecting such negative reactions to her first Boll collaboration. "I was actually very, very surprised. I know that Uwe does not have a great track record, to say the least." I think you've stumbled upon something, my dear.An unrated director's cut of BloodRayne is due in May. Any takers?[via Eurogamer]
Uwe leaves Razzies empty-handed
Now that the Oscars have come and gone, we cannot help but recall the "winners" of this year's Golden Rasberry Awards. Last month, director Uwe Boll had decreed that "it is a great honour" to be nominated for a Razzie...under the category for "Worst Director." As Mr. Boll put it, "I take every prize I get." Sorry, Mr. Boll, but unfortunately you could not even win that prize. Instead, director John Asher took home the dubious award for his picture Dirty Love, starring girlfriend Jenny McCarthy. While he may have gone home empty-handed, Uwe Boll might feel more comfortable knowing that his thriller Bloodrayne is #20 worst film (according to IMDB), while Dirty Love isn't even in the bottom 100. Better luck next year!
Bracing ourselves for House of the Dead 2: Dead Aim
Lock the doors! Board up the windows! Protect your brains! The sequel to cinematic-hack Uwe Boll's House of the Dead is coming and there's nothing you can do to keep it out of your house... it's being shown inside the house*! House of the Dead 2: Dead Aim is the low-budget, Sci-Fi channel sequel to Uwe's zombie crap-fest. The funny thing is, the creators obviously knew about the first one, and still wanted to make a sequel. In an interview with the screenwriters on Rotten Tomatoes (via Cathode Tan) one of them says, "House of the Dead 2 is a completely different movie, which is not tied to the first movie. The only thing both movies have in common is the title - and zombies, of course." While this is technically true, we'd be remiss if we didn't point out that the screenwriters were involved with another of Uwe's films: Alone in the Dark (which is considered by many to--somehow--be worse than the original House of the Dead).Cinematical has a post about how House of the Dead 2 was shot at the historic Ambassador Hotel, home to the Cocoanut Grove nightclub and the 1968 assassination of Robert F. Kennedy. The Ambassador was torn down in January to make way for a school, making House of the Dead 2 the hotel's last production... it ends not with a bang but with a whimper.*Not applicable to those who live outdoors.[Update: grammatical correction]
Kojima on Uwe Boll: "It's impossible"
The Kojima Productions Report, the English companion to Hideo Kojima's audioblog HIDECHAN, released its second installment today, and it's already bearing fruit! Host Ryan Payton delivers a message from Kojima-san dispelling recent "nasty rumors" that Uwe Boll is being considered to direct an upcoming Metal Gear Solid movie. Says Kojima:"Absolutely not! I don't know why Uwe Boll is even talking about this kind of thing. We've never talked to him. It's impossible that we'd ever do a movie with him." Ouch! Kojima sounds pretty confident that Konami isn't sidestepping his authorial control anytime soon, even if Boll did receive a copy of the script. Oh, and Uwe, congratulations on that recent Razzie nomination; we know you have what it takes to bring home the Golden Raspberry!
Dungeon Siege trailer overdoses on LOTR
What has orcs, elves, John Rhys-Davies, and ends in "of the King?" No, it's not Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, silly! It's Uwe Boll's latest, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. What else does his LOTR-killer bring to the table: that ass-kicking bald-guy from The Transporter, ninjas, Burt Reynolds, ninjas, Ray Liotta, and, in an Oscar-worthy role, Matthew Lillard! No, I'm not kidding, the annoying guy from Scream.Read on for the YouTube video, or use this link for a high-res, though unreliable, version.[Thanks, hellmasterx]
