Worried that former HP CEO Mark Hurd might not know what to do with himself after getting caught falsifying expense reports to hide girl #2 and being forced to resign? Don't be: ol' Mark's getting a $12,224,693 severance payment in exchange for agreeing not to sue HP. Yep, Mark Hurd just got $12 million in cash for fraudulently filing expense reports to conceal his mistress -- not a bad trick if you can pull it off, we suppose. (We don't know how much he'll have to pay back, but we're guessing he'll have a little cash left over.) Oh, and he's also having his option to buy 775,000 shares of HP stock extended to September, which is pretty groovy considering HP actually upped its quarterly forecast today, some other assorted stock-related compensation, and 18 months of health and dental benefits. Whoever said a little white collar crime doesn't pay?

Update: CNBC has sources claiming the total value of Hurd's severance including stocks is closer to $40-50 million, give or take. That's... well, that's a lot of ink cartridges.