The Retro-Encabulator

Absolutely demented, um, "enhancement" of some promotional video for Rockwell Automation that twists it until it gradually descends into incomprehensibility.

[Via StreetTech]

Watch

[Anthony Martin @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

I'm going to have to get one of those for all my surfactant allocator needs.

[Rus @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

This is hillarious!

[aeo @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

Is this for real? Where can I get a computer case of prefamulated amulite surrmounted by a maleable logrithmic casing?

[Steven @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

One for myself and another one for my demented grandma!
But seriously, this guy is amazing: either he's reading his lines off a videoscreen (congrats to him to read it in such a natural way) or he memorized it (super-congrats to him). Tough sales-pitch though :-p

[Jack Campbell @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

I work in technology marketing. This is utterly, stupendously hilarious. :-)

[Jens W. @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

I forwarded the link to several people in my company. Including a few from sales. Which, now that I think of it, was probably a mistake.
I fear that they will insist the next version of our CMS software should come with unilateral phase detractors and an optional lunar vane shaft.

[Brett @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

So uh, this is amazing. It's even funnier to me because they have offices or something about 15-20 minutes from here (I'm pretty sure it's them).

[Mike @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

Moe: Pass the panastram!
Larry: Pass the panastram! (passes device to Curly)
Curly: panastram (passes device to Moe)

Moe: You idiot! That's a girdle spring! (Smack's Curly)

:-)

[Kevin @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

About the only thing he left out was not to let the framistat get low on steam!

[dman @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

...the decontructor combobulator.

[abe @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

so, this thing makes toast or what? if not, can someone recommend a good toaster?

[martin @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

you can see him almost losing his cool... must be saying "dingle arm" that pushes him over the edge of "what the heck am i saying?"

[Scott @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

Dang....just bought a thermally activated inverse combobulator. Specs are similar to this product except for the girdle springs. Should have waited for this model.

[Cletus @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

Right after "the Up end of the gram meter", he sort of closes his eyes and shakes his head as if to say "I can't believe I'm saying this"

Kinda reminds me of Phil Hartman. Gosh I miss that guy. "Hi! I'm Troy McLure! You may remember me from such films as 'The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel'..."

[gary @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

But this may be old hat to all: Anything by Stanislaw Lem, but especially "The Cyberiad."

[Tom @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

Rockwell Automation has a place in Troy, MI, Maple, I believe.
I don't know if they made that as a joke, or what...the Chairman of Quicken Loans sent that out to the tech staff a few weeks ago. It was amusing.

[Smokinjoe @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

I work for Square D / Schnieder Electric in the Powerlogic controls department. It gave me a good laugh. Question.........what type of metal was that thing coated with?????? lol

[ronco @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

Just set it... and forget it!

[Krunk @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

that went completely over my head. how old is this? is he trying to sell a computer back in the 80s or something? cause by that size, that's what it looks like.

//krunk (^_^x)

[Toolman83 @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

But he called it a Turbo Encabulator

Damn funny piece of footage though :-)

The original text is/was available here:
http://www.nelp.navy.mil/export.html
& here
http://www.doc.ic.ac.uk/~ids/dotdot/misc/jokes/turboencabulator.txt

"The turbo-encabulator in industry" is the contribution of J.H. Quick, graduate member of the Institution of Electrical Engineers in London, England, and was, first published in the Institution's Students' Quarterly Journal in December 1944.

[Penelope McFadin @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

What button reverses the neutron flow? Where do I put the dilithium crystals? Does it include a flux capacitor? And does it include a spare barrilium sphere?

[Shadowfax @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

I spent more than a decade producing these kinds of videos for several divisions of a major packaging machine manufacturer. I think I can safely say that what you've just seen is the product of a production crew gone punchy. I give the talent MAJOR kudos, not only for making his way through the copy, but for keeping a straight face while doing it! Videos like this are almost always laden with crazy techno-babble, my favorite to date being "The Servo-Actuated Robotic Pick-And-Place Armature Assemblies" (little pincers that grabbed packets of product and tucked them into slots in a box -- yes, it's actually a part on a real product). This production, however, takes the cake! From those of us in the industry - thank you for sharing your creativity with us - I laughed until it hurt. :-)

[Stephanie Peco @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

I'm putting a link to this on the University of Texas Department of Electrical & Computer Engineering. If this is not ok, please let me know. I think every day is Retro-Encabulator Day for the undergrads.

[botches @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

The Retro Encabulator is AMAZING. Only one flaw; side feed magnetic flow control processors can only divert amplitude inversing digital readouts to a single marsel vane. To correct this problem, jumper JP8 to JP14 with parity wire and crossfeed the verbose input shaft with magnetic tape. Only wrap the tape twice to avoid capular soil feedback. Great work Rockwell Automations!

[botches @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

The Retro Encabulator is AMAZING. Only one flaw; side feed magnetic flow control processors can only divert amplitude inversing digital readouts to a single marsel vane. To correct this problem, jumper JP8 to JP14 with parity wire and crossfeed the verbose input shaft with magnetic tape. Only wrap the tape twice to avoid capular soil feedback. Great work Rockwell Automations!

[Seargeant Buiegger @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

When we field-tested one of these units we discovered that unless the output of the carbolic conspazmorgate was filtered through the stirrilium enuffricator at at least a minimum level of 40 diquabs, there was a good chance the dodecahedrial constipatulator would sheer and shoot through your shunt!

[Solid Rock @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

now you just making stuff up

[Mauritania @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

My company bought one of these last week and we've been doing prelim lab tests around the clock. It actually does make some pretty good toast.

[Tom @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

Whoever said Phil Hartman, I don't think that's a coincidence. Anyone else remember this SNL spoof commercial from the early 90s? I think it may have been the inspiration.

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/92/92oflanges.phtml

[Retro-hater @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

This video is a farce. They *claim* that the "new" principal involved is "...modial interaction of magneto-reluctance and capacitive duractance." Anyone with half a brain knows that modial interaction has been around for decades. In fact, I think Bends and Brandt actually owns a patent on all known magneto-reluctance interfaces.

It is obvious that Rockwell is trying to make money by modial squatting. What are they giong to do when the masses find out that six hydrocoptic marzel-veins are actually three pairs of slanted pandellic capacitrailors that have no way to take advantage of the parapleptic syncing provided by the lunar wayne-shap.

I sense mass chaos. Rockwell better get it's crap together and reconfigure the drawn-reciprocation ratios before the BBB and FCC get involved. Could this be the real reason Powell stepped down as FCC chair?

[Alt @ Dec 19th 2005 12:03AM]

It was a "JOKE", you know funny ha ha ho ho. Look at him ramble on and we have no clue what he's talking about so it must be true! Seriously, grab a clue.