OnStarHeard those OnStar commercials on the radio where they play back "actual" calls made to the service? Well, The Morning News managed to get their perfectly-manicured mitts on transcripts for some of the service conversations that didn't make the cut:

OnStar: Hello, OnStar.

Customer: Hey, so, I got an important package in the trunk, but I think I locked my keys in with it when I was dispatching…er…loading it.

OnStar: Not a problem, sir, I'm unlocking the trunk now.

Customer: [sound of trunk opening] Whooo…Jesus, that stinks!

OnStar: Are you OK, sir?

Customer: Yeah, yeah. I just got to get rid of this package as soon as possible. Say, can you give me directions to an abandoned quarry, or maybe some remote wooded spot where I could leave my package?

OnStar: Sure thing. I'm showing that there's an empty shaft at an old silver mine three miles southwest of your location.

Customer: Perfect! That's great, perfect. I'm going to need a car wash, too. Someplace discreet, if you know what I'm saying.

OnStar: Absolutely, sir. You and OnStar are speaking the same language.

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Hello, OnStar: The service conversations that didn't make it into those commercials