Supposedly some high school kid in Utah broke the world record for fastest text messaging yesterday, tapping out the official sentence the Guinness people use to judge these things ("The razor-toothed piranhas of the genera Serrasalmus and Pygocentrus are the most ferocious freshwater fish in the world. In reality they seldom attack a human.") on his cellphone keypad (no predictive text or QWERTY keyboards allowed) in just 57.75 seconds, beating the previous record by nearly ten seconds. Except that last we'd heard, the record was held by a Singaporean woman who'd been able to do it under 44 seconds. There's only one way to settle this: a battle royale among all the top text message tappers in the world.