Microsoft wants to watch your kids

And they want to do it through this insanely creepy robot bear, no less. Revealed at Microsoft's annual gadget showcase yesterday, this "toy" houses four microphones and a camera that uses face finding technology to help parents monitor their children via the web, and speak with them remotely via a special phone. All appears normal until mom or dad log on and the bear's head begins swiveling to track the child, which is the point where we'd hope any sensible kid would run screaming. Dude, haven't these people seen Chucky?!

[010111 @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

holy jesus. i thought that weird japanese doll that monitored your sleep patterns was a freaky beast. christ. this thing makes that doll look fine by comparison.

hint : if you're developing a weird robotic doll that monitors your every move... at least *try* to make it look a little less evil.

personally i'd find something modeled along the lines of the ED-209 less frightening than this.

what's next? a robot clown to follow your kids around?

[[sinz] @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

So let me get this straight... now pedophiles can sit in their cars, hop on your unsecured wifi lan, and watch your kids via this horrific bear. But wait, don't stop there, they can TALK TO THEM TOO!! Good work Microsoft, opening the doors to psychos one home at a time.

[flup @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

I'd be scared shitless if that thing swiveled it's head and started speaking to me and I'm in my 30s.

I agree it does look creepy -- at least the japanese make their robots cute. This thing looks dark and sinister.

[flup @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

Just thought of a good use for this -- You could use it to spy on your girlfriend. Just give it to her and don't tell her it's a robot and if she cheats on you, make the thing swivel it's head and shout "You cheating bitch" That would be cool.

[Rick James @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

I hear Michael Jackson's got a couple of dozen!!

[Chick21 @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

It's bear! The supertoy from Steven Speilberg's AI!

[L Jantzen @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

The Chucky reference made me chuckle, so to speak. It made my day. Thanks!

[Robert @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

I can just imagine people already dreaming up mods for this thing!

[Phil J @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

Another quality product by Microsoft!!LOL That thing is going to warp childrens minds the world over.

[Sangi @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

I think it's funny, it's like a child's worst nightmare, and it's not surprising Microsoft is coming out with this.

I agree, more fun for the pedos, well done Microsoft [/end sarcasm]

[Oliver @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

Microsoft wants to watch your kids, but who's going to watch Microsoft?

[Sebhelyesfarku @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

I guess at night when everybody sleeps these bears will search for illegal Micro$oft softwares on the family PCs and will report to Bill "Lord of the Morons" Gates.

[Three Crows @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

The article said they'd consider sharing it with the government. I'm sure the government would never abuse something like that. Homeland Security unleases army of robot spy teddys..

[lupinstel @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

My only hope is that this creepy little ewok bear's head can swivel >360 degrees so you can get some robot-exorcist-bear action out of it.

[qhent @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

Anybody ever read "I Always Do What Teddy Says" by Harry Harrison??? Not having seen a demo of this thing, I can just imagine Microsoft programming in a "hidden" function that causes the Teddy to whisper "where do you want to go today?" and "Microsoft is the only true O/S" while your kid is asleep. Technology...ain't it great!

[Jon Acheson @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

"The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy, but these are new... Very hard to spot."

[Chris @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

I don't think any parent who is in his/her right mind should ever consider such a product. There are too many security risks with something like this. Satanic pedophelia must be on the hot list down at the Gates mansion to spawn such a sinister product. No surprise, though. They've been giving/selling national security secrets to China for years now. Add this to their list of luciferian acts. Any consumer (private or government) who ever buys from Microsoft is putting their best interests on the line.

[Shelley @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

wow... this reminds of a movie I once saw. Oh yeah, Artificial Intelligence.

[Dan @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

Ha! I like how they couldn't fit all the cameras and stuff in the actual bear so they put it in the most ridiculous hat they could find.

[Mark @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

Not content with ripping off Apple, M$ steals from "Meet the Parents"

[Marc @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

Is it just me, or does it look like that bear wants to beat the shit out of someone?

[Terry @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

Teddy Bears are meant to bring love and comfort to a child, not be used by "Big Brother". It is awful that our world has reached a point where we have to "spy" on each other through a soft plush toy. Instead of spying on your kids, how about going in and playing with them?! The very idea is such a violation of privacy and opens many doors for abuses.

[Carmi @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

I'm having a flashback to Microsoft's late, unlamented ActiMates line of computerized toys. Sorry, but any kid who needs this degree of automation out of a toy likely needs more than a trip to Toys R Us.

Thankfully they didn't resurrect Barney in the process.

Look for these in the bargain bin in 6 months.

Carmi
http://writteninc.blogspot.com

[hart @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

"Danger Haley Joel Osment, danger" *robotic movement sounds*

[Mike @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

(In GrandPa Simpsons' voice)
That bear is evil, I tell ya! EVIL!!!

[Mary @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

I do a lot of babysitting. I think if the two year old I sit for who is dealing with separation issues everytime her mom leaves wouldn't want her mom to come back if she started talking through that.

[Styx @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

>>I'd be scared shitless if that thing swiveled it's head and started speaking to me and I'm in my 30s.

I'd be even more scared if that thing said in a jolly voice; "where would you like to go today?"

[Guinnis @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

I like it. How fun would it be to have this thing sitting by your friend all high and it turns its head and starts talking to him

[Selvmord @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

Jesus Christ... I reckon that Microsoft has attached a link to it, so Bill Gates can actually watch your kids, at home, in his bed. He likes it most when it comes to nappy changing times, so he told me.

[Mouser @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

Hilarious.

[dendrite @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

Jeeez....what is this, slashdot?! Its a cool toy people.

[Wei @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

Someone should write a masturbating bear mod for this thing. Why not get the REAL Michael Jackson experience though the bear?

[Alib @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

what is master"bates" thinking...
i guess he needs this for his kids but not with the world. ain't he crazy enough?

[Justin @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

I never laughed so hard and yet been so informed at the same time by reading an Engadget article. Im talking about the �Microsoft Wants to Watch Your Kids� article written on March 3rd 2005. I e-mailed it to everyone on my very slightly used �this is too good not to send� mass e-mail list. Its products like this that really make you think that there is really some kind of vast E-conspiracy preparing us for a dis-utopian technological future that makes Big Brother look like a family portrait.

Wait a second...

Thats the point.

I cant believe that Microsoft or anyone would actually make a moving Teddy Bear child security system. This is no A.I Teddy Bear. Teddy is a cybernetic individual / toy. This Teddy is a full fledged Bjork nightmare taken to the visual and audio panopticonic extreme. The article also humorously points out how masking hardcore security systems in literally �soft and fuzzy heart warming ways� is not only dangerous to civil liberties... but can have a disastorous psychological impact as well... Imagine the Teddy Bear sitting on the rocking chair in front of your bed. Imagine its head begins to move back and forth and finally fixes its blank stare on you. Suddenly, out of the belly of the stuffed beast comes the voice of your mother. Thats enough to scare any adult... now just imagine the Freudian implications. Very funny to read but scary to think about!

[Trev @ Dec 19th 2005 1:22AM]

I have to agree with Justin in regards to the problems with this 'thing'. Ahhh surveillance wrapped up in a furry cute package. Perhaps its the angle but it does look menacing. Also if it is the panopticon does that make a childs room akin to a cell of constant surveillance?

The person 'monitoring' through the bear can speak through it, how about a HK-47 voice?

"What are you looking at meatbag!"
"I do so enjoy causing pain" (then swivels and looks at the child)

Or that drill instructor off full metal jacket!

What is your major malfunction numb-nuts? Didn't mommy and daddy give you enough attention?

I'm gonna give you three seconds--excactly three fucking seconds--to wipe that stupid-looking grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! One! Two! Three!

And one for the american religious households

Why, you little maggot! You make me want to vomit! You goddam communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary... or I'm gonna stomp your guts out! Now you do love the Virgin Mary, don't you?!

Ahh, the possibilities.