Switched On: Apple, RIAA Should Sue Each Other's Fans
posted Apr 6th 2005 4:09PM
Apple and the RIAA have had a good partnership. Since the launch of the iTunes Music Store nearly 11 months ago, Apple has sold more than 300 million songs. More significantly, it has shown the recording industry the promise of Internet distribution, reversing a trend that had started with the rise of the original Napster service that rekindled consumers' interest in music
However, both organizations still face problems with the pesky dissemination of Internet content. Terabytes of music continue to flow freely through peer-to-peer networks such as KaZaa. The result is that today's multi-millionaire artists must make painful sacrifices such as marrying Kevin Federline. Apple, meanwhile, must struggle against teenagers who must violate the Geneva Convention in order to extract information about mind-blowing new products such as pastel socks. It's clear that the next step for Apple and the RIAA is to join forces in doing what they do best and sue each other's most enthusiastic fans.
According to the legal doctrine of prila slofo, companies that are engaged in contracts can take legal action when a party with which they have a binding agreement is enjoined from fulfilling its contractual obligations. While not covered much in the mainstream media, these lawsuits are as common as cell phone bill disputes with one�s baby daddy on The People�s Court.
For example, if a dead grandmother downloads a copy of The Who�s �Won�t Be Fooled Again� and Apple could have estranged cellular carriers by selling a digital copy of that song, Apple may sue the dead grandmother directly. With the average RIAA lawsuit settling for around 5,000 critical Slashdot posts, the numbers quickly add up; Apple and the RIAA can make more money suing customers than selling them songs.
Astonishing as it may seem given that few companies besides Apple have the raw engineering acumen to remove the LCD screen from an MP3 player, the RIAA also has technology that could benefit Apple�s legal department. The anti-piracy probes that RIAA member companies put into peer-to-peer networks could be a boon to Apple rumor control. This would be similar in design to the government-supplied e-mail spying software at ISPs that sniffs out subversive phrases such as �open source� and �Al Franken.� Indeed, a trial of this technology last year rounded up nearly half of the American Zoological Society, an obvious front for rumormongers discussing unannounced Apple system software code-named Cougar, Lion, and Leopard.
Furthermore, the RIAA could also help Apple with its technology that plants decoy song titles by changing the name of certain key Apple technologies so that their true origin is not recognizable. The RIAA licensed this software from Microsoft, which has been using it effectively with its Windows team for 10 years.
What can you do to support these pioneering plaintiffs? It�s simple. Buy iPods. Buy music. Shut up. And if you can�t resist the urge to spread leaks to one of those Apple rumor sites, at least have the common sense to have a dead grandmother do it. She�s already in the RIAA�s files.
Ross Rubin is director of industry analysis at NPD Techworld, a division of market research and analysis provider The NPD Group. Views expressed in Switched On, however, are his own. Feedback is welcome at fliptheswitch@gmail.com.
"Apple has sold more than 100 million songs"'
Way more. More than 300 million, as of March, in fact: http://www.apple.com/pr/library/2005/mar/02itms.html
is this a late aprils fool's joke? this is possibly one of the stupidest things i've read in a while.
in response to #2 janiero:
oooh, looks like someone needs to take check out the Internet Anagram Server:
http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/
"prila slofo" indeed. wow, this wouldn't have been funny on April 1, but now that it's April 6, it's hi-larious.
Even better, given the timelines and numbers cited, this article was from April 1, last year.
370-odd days later, it's extra hi-larious.
Ross, time to pack it in and get a clue.
Did you start writing this 6 months ago? 100 million?
Not to mention the inanity of the rest of the article... whatever tripe that was.
lol Funny. Too bad other readers have no sense of humor. Next time maybe you should add a final line to your post like:
PS Buy another mp3 player.
Music should be free. Apple and the RIA are A@@holes. f*&k them.
And all of you don't be ridiculous why pay for music on itunes when you can get it free.
The great thing about the internet is that you can always count on there being people dumb enough to not get the joke who will then to go to great lengths to publicize that fact.
I love my Mac. But this was hilarious.
Roxy Girl, the reason we pay for music is the same reason we pay for anything else. I do not agree with the way the RIAA is attacking their own customers but I do not agree with not supporting the artists. The music industry is a hard industry to survive in. Yes, some artists become extremely famous and make a lot of money but some do not. Ill put it this way if people stopped buying things from where you work, you may loose your job. Same basic concept......
"The great thing about the internet is that you can always count on there being people dumb enough to not get the joke who will then to go to great lengths to publicize that fact."
Please. Are you suggesting all jokes are funny? This was moronic, poorly written, uninteresting, and unamusing.
hey, either you get it or you don't...there's no reason to get so bent out of shape at something that's meant to be humorous, even if you personally didn't find it funny.
Some comments here remind me of Jon Stewart ridiculing people critiquing him.
Indeed, Rubin even gives the clueless another hint with by citing The Who song "Won't Be Fooled Again". Too bad some of you humorless miscreants were.
TF, fine if you didn't like the joke, but what justification do you have that it is poorly written?
TF is right. He should get a full refund for this "uninteresting" article about which he's posted twice. (Oh wait, that joke is probably lost on him, too.)
Ross, ignore these "fools" and keep up the good work. Funny stuff.
Some conservative neanderthal even managed to throw in a slam at jon stewart. Humor seems to be lost on the hawks and the apple fanboys.
The sad part is, I wouldn't put this past either parties.
"The result is that todays multi-millionaire artists must make painful sacrifices such as marrying Kevin Federline."
--Ahahahahahaha... this is a funny line though.