Takara Co.'s baby translator
posted May 9th 2005 10:35AM
Not sure if we'll ever be convinced that the constant series of gargles, coos, whines, and wailings of babies actually do construct some cryptically hidden language, but the same people who gave us the now-infamous Bowlingual and Dream Workstop claim to have cracked the code on baby translation: not only must you analyze babies' cries, but facial expressions and body temperature changes too. Some of the things Takara Co. researchers had to say about parenting and child-rearing didn't exactly leave us feeling particularly cozy regarding their justifications for such a device, but we won't deny its appeal; especially if they can get the home version out for under $100, like they claim, and actually launch the thing soon (they're shooting for mid-2006).
Honestly, who needs to buy this? My 7 week old has four cries:
1. I've crapped myself.
2. I need food, right now.
3. Hold me.
4. I just feel like crying (see: t3h c0lic)
OK, as long as it doesn't make my kid sound like Danny Devito
"I have soiled myself. How embarassing."
#2: No, I just try different things like checking diapers and giving a bottle... Inevitably, there will be the middle of the night feeding where I will be reversing #1 and #2 much to the baby's dismay.
"i want what the dog is eating."
Didn't Homer Simpson's brother Herb already invent this? Worked pretty good as I recall.
wasn't the bowlingual a total flop? i know it woulda been useless on my dog, he doesn't bark much. so what happens when you rely on this garbage instead of real parenting to interact with your kid?
How the billions of humans who were raised without this thing ever made it through life amazes and confounds me.
#9: I expect next year's model will be the long anticipated "TantrumLingual" model.
I can see it now... the display blinks "I WANT!!! I WANT!!! I WANT!!!" or "NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!"
A device like that already exists, invented by an Spaniard. Check out http://xataka.com/archivos/2005/04/01-decodificador-de-los-llantos-d.php
A sample user comment on the product's web page (http://www.whycry.com/eng/index.php) says: "100% success rate. It's like the baby's manual"