Takara Co.'s baby translator

Not sure if we'll ever be convinced that the constant series of gargles, coos, whines, and wailings of babies actually do construct some cryptically hidden language, but the same people who gave us the now-infamous Bowlingual and Dream Workstop claim to have cracked the code on baby translation: not only must you analyze babies' cries, but facial expressions and body temperature changes too. Some of the things Takara Co. researchers had to say about parenting and child-rearing didn't exactly leave us feeling particularly cozy regarding their justifications for such a device, but we won't deny its appeal; especially if they can get the home version out for under $100, like they claim, and actually launch the thing soon (they're shooting for mid-2006).

[Jeff @ Dec 19th 2005 12:53AM]

Honestly, who needs to buy this? My 7 week old has four cries:

1. I've crapped myself.
2. I need food, right now.
3. Hold me.
4. I just feel like crying (see: t3h c0lic)

[Dan @ Dec 19th 2005 12:53AM]

OK, as long as it doesn't make my kid sound like Danny Devito

[JEM @ Dec 19th 2005 12:53AM]

"I have soiled myself. How embarassing."

[Jeff @ Dec 19th 2005 12:53AM]

#2: No, I just try different things like checking diapers and giving a bottle... Inevitably, there will be the middle of the night feeding where I will be reversing #1 and #2 much to the baby's dismay.

[kerry @ Dec 19th 2005 12:53AM]

"i want what the dog is eating."

[John @ Dec 19th 2005 12:53AM]

Didn't Homer Simpson's brother Herb already invent this? Worked pretty good as I recall.

[brian b @ Dec 19th 2005 12:53AM]

wasn't the bowlingual a total flop? i know it woulda been useless on my dog, he doesn't bark much. so what happens when you rely on this garbage instead of real parenting to interact with your kid?

[Bubi @ Dec 19th 2005 12:53AM]

How the billions of humans who were raised without this thing ever made it through life amazes and confounds me.

[Jeff @ Dec 19th 2005 12:53AM]

#9: I expect next year's model will be the long anticipated "TantrumLingual" model.

I can see it now... the display blinks "I WANT!!! I WANT!!! I WANT!!!" or "NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!"

[Julio Alonso @ Dec 19th 2005 12:53AM]

A device like that already exists, invented by an Spaniard. Check out http://xataka.com/archivos/2005/04/01-decodificador-de-los-llantos-d.php

A sample user comment on the product's web page (http://www.whycry.com/eng/index.php) says: "100% success rate. It's like the baby's manual"