Shinobu-chan potty-friendly ringer

There you are at the office. It's 8:55 AM; only 5 minutes remain before you have to start your day. Thanks to the fiber, just like any other day, you decide to make your trip down to the Porcelain God. Normally, you'd be concerned about making embarrassingly loud noises while you drop your friends off at the pool. But not today.

For today, you have your mobile phone loaded with the "Shinobu-chan" ringer from Japan's "Scoop Music." Assuming your handset is powerful enough, the Shinobu-chan ringer can make "flushing sounds" of up to 100 decibels for as long as 32 seconds. According to Scoop Music, "some women flush two or even three times to cover up embarrassing sounds made while on the can." It's easy to  imagine the laughs they had when collecting this data, but they also say normal "john sounds" fall in the 55 - 65 decibel range; a 100 decibel ringer would easily take care of these. And that says nothing about how much water will be saved. But even more interesting is Scope Music's disclaimer: "please be aware that the volume of sounds made can vary from person to person."

[James @ Dec 19th 2005 2:28AM]

Thats why you put a few sheets of paper in first so they sit on the surface. Works a treat, and also eliminates splashback. Silence is golden.

[ChinaRye @ Dec 19th 2005 2:28AM]

I could have really used that five minutes ago.

[JC @ Dec 19th 2005 2:28AM]

James, while I employ the same anti-splash measures as you do (and we share names as well), I think the noise maker is to disguise the sounds of a booisterous fart -- the kind that puts the boooot into booty.

[Jumpin' Jack Splash @ Dec 19th 2005 2:28AM]

The anti-splash measures solve one problem but create another. Without a courtesy flush, the bombardier is forced to sit over a smoldering, noxious pile trapped on the surface for the duration of a squat-and-grunt (akin to a camp latrine). Your friend over in the next stall might tolerate a few splashing sounds in exchange for letting those sinkers drop to the bottom.

[Rob @ Dec 19th 2005 2:28AM]

i've never understood why people are embarrassed at all about this "feature" of our bodies

EVERYONE DOES IT! its as natural as breathing for cry'n out loud!

[Hm @ Dec 19th 2005 2:28AM]

The splash guard (tm) is not so much for the noise but to protect one's behind from the upward splash.

[Kiryen @ Dec 19th 2005 2:28AM]

Portable sound princesses. You'd think someone'd make them. I mean, don't you remember the thumb-sized plastic boxes with little buttons which, when pressed, would play sound effects like the sound of a helicopter, police siren, machine gun, or bomb? So just make one of those, except with sound princess presets.

[Jayson Elliot @ Dec 19th 2005 2:28AM]

Is there a gadget I can use to block the noise of the heavy breathing grunting guy in the next stall? And while I'm at it, can it keep him from having a loud conversation about last night's game with the other flatulator next to him?

George Castanza had the right idea, getting his own private handicapped bathroom...

[adam @ Dec 19th 2005 2:28AM]

when i was in japan this winter i came across a few toilets that had this feature built in.