Medical and musical breast implants
By Ryan Block 
posted October 13th 2005 11:00AM
posted October 13th 2005 11:00AM
We're reserving judgment on this one big time, but apparently BT Laboratories analyst Ian Pearson believes flexible plastic electronics can (and should) be made to sit inside breast implants. About it the pragmatic Mr. Pearson says, "It is now very hard for me to thing [sic] of breast implants as just decorative. If a woman has something implanted permanently, it might as well do something useful," like play audio over A2DP Bluetooth for instance, or monitor heart palpitations, blood pressure, diabetes, or breast cancer. We'll hereby defer to our female readership on this one—no comments from the peanut gallery!
Can someone say: Breastcasts?
Can they make them with those cool blue LEDs?
Well, "Momma's got a squeeze box she wears on her chest..." is the first song that comes to mind.
Hrmm, just throw in some LED's and we'll have a nice pair of headlights :)
What would be really cool (and useful) would be haptic audio controls built into the implant.
So to listen to the mp3 player it will be necessary to hold your ear to the breast, right? I think that's brilliant. You could even listen in stereo!
So getting that for my wife :P
This is the most innovative thing I've ever heard.
Just think: the breast implant can have 4 GB of flash memory, and bluetooth, which can connect many headphones. AND BEST OF ALL, the nipple and the surrounding areola can be the APPLE CLICK WHEEL! (Stimulate yourself while browsing through music)
You might want to change "thing" to "think".
Won't they complain more now? Since it won't be just our eyes that's on them, but our ears as well.
Hmmm....does anyone else visualize a clickwheel here?
"Monitor heart palpitations, blood pressure, diabetes, or breast cancer." are words that will be uddered from the mouths of men and women everwhere as excuses to get a new pair of fakeys. Lovely...
haha, I said udder..
Sexual innuendoes aside, I can see how this might be useful in criminal justice. Imagine never having to physically 'wire' a female officer to get information in an undercover operation.
I guess that would give new meaning to an "underwire" bra...
#13-Sean
Good point, but also imagine how much more suspicion and scrutiny there will be of females who may be working undercover. Just what kind of tests would you have to pass to guarantee that you weren't "wearing a wire?" Just getting felt up, or even body cavity searches, wouldn't cut it anymore.
I don't think female officers usually get boob jobs.
I can see the technology being useful, I just don't see how that's going to help considering it's usually people that strip for a living who get breat enlargements.
How does it charge batteries!
so this means you need to have surgery and be cut open if you want a new gadget. and what about battery
I think the implant is clever in terms of it's medical use (looking for breast cancer etc). However, I would never personally have implants put im my body. Ick. It would be nice if they could make a senser without the breast implant. Like a little pellet they could insert into the middle of a natural breast.
Think of having a tazer-like implant. Anyone who isnt supposed to touch gets shot with an electronic pulsing nipple.
Sweet crispy walnuts!
Err. O.K. I have mixed feelings about this.
The geek-girl in me is like, "Wow! that's kinda neat in a Borg kinda way. Bluetoothe phone and a bouncey chest at the same time."
On the other hand, while the idea of have tech implanted in my flesh seems a little freaky, breast cancer does run in my family so it's always a concern for me. Some kind of implanted "early warning system" would be very cool and save many lives.
Sensors could also moniter healing progress on the implants themselves (which can sometimes be a little dicey).
This is the perfect accessory for a geekette.
With bluetooth you can upload data and carry it around like Johnny Mnemonic. It will be the end of the usb keychain!
And how will you treat a virus that gets into this? Hey, then you can actually hack your way into a woman!
1st step into Bionics?
Hell id get breast implants if the features are cool enough, and im a guy ;)
They should heat and Vibrate!!
The perfect song... Dueling Banjos
Ironic to put a bunch of cool tech in a place where a geek would never find it.
I'd just like some speakers and pressure sensative sensors so that when i honk my gf's breasts I get a nice auditory "Honk" or maybe an "Aooga"
#18: My guess is that you could recharge it the same way a no-wind watch works. WITH MOTION!
iBoob
I'm enthusiastic about the medicial applications, but the music collection thing is daft. "Available within 15 years"? Has anybody looked at the iPod nano lately? Fifteen years from now Apple will have released an iPod that fits inside a single white earbud.
#21
Yep, Joanie Mnemonic. "Here you go Hon', just plug your nipple into the USB port... OHHH, you got the bluetooth set. Well, in that case, just shake them boobies over by my dongle!"
Hey!!! Quit listening to my breasts!!!
nothing innovative...
i've been 'tuning in Tokyo' on my wife's breasts since the movie '16 candles' came out!
How would such a device be tuned? How would the volume be changed? Would one have to turn large, nearby knobs?
well...comment 17 ("considering it's usually people that strip for a living who get breat enlargements") got me thinking...this is actually perfect...strippers wouldn't need to tip out the DJ's, they could just NipCast their own dance tunes...
And it's great for the vegas escort/bachelor party dancer scene...they can travel light, no longer needing to haul a boom box with 'em. About time technology delivered on it's promise of a truly portable cyborg stripper.
I think they'll be powered by regular alkaline batteries. Double D's, most likely.
#8 said: You might want to change "thing" to "think".
Do you understand what sic means? It means that this was a direct quote taken from the guy and he's the one that f---ed it up. If they changed it, it wouldn't be his quote anymore.
talk about a click wheel
LMAO @ #23
classic
Can you make it play the Tetris song when pressed?
Yes..I am a perv... :-D
Lying in your beloved's bussoms could become a musical experience.
When will they have the hot swappable rack mounted series? a set for every mood maybe one with an ipod and 3 inch subs.
music... IN STEREO!
I think the best electronics will be a little pump to make them bigger and bigger on request ;)
music... IN STEREO!
#32 The Dude: The "[sic]" was added AFTER that guy's comment.
Two words: Rumble Pack.
"Excuse me, ma'am? Your knockers are interrupting the sermon, turn it down or use headphones"
Makes ya think what they'll use as the mute button.
Anyone remember William Gibson's NeuroMancer or the movie Johnny Mnemonic
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/johnny_mnemonic/about.php
Where information collection and transport is the big business in the future....
This would be a big step in that direction. Wonder if the bigger the cup size the more GB of storage you get :-)
All we need now is Google to announce GoBooble ChestTop search and this could really become a useful body modification as compared to just another BoobBox ;-)
"Two words: Rumble Pack."
LOL! We have a winner...
@blee -
Did you really just ask for a rack mounted set of breast implants? Isn't that redundant. . .