Medical and musical breast implants
By Ryan Block 
posted Oct 13th 2005 11:00AM
posted Oct 13th 2005 11:00AM
We're reserving judgment on this one big time, but apparently BT Laboratories analyst Ian Pearson believes flexible plastic electronics can (and should) be made to sit inside breast implants. About it the pragmatic Mr. Pearson says, "It is now very hard for me to thing [sic] of breast implants as just decorative. If a woman has something implanted permanently, it might as well do something useful," like play audio over A2DP Bluetooth for instance, or monitor heart palpitations, blood pressure, diabetes, or breast cancer. We'll hereby defer to our female readership on this one—no comments from the peanut gallery!
Can someone say: Breastcasts?
Can they make them with those cool blue LEDs?
Well, "Momma's got a squeeze box she wears on her chest..." is the first song that comes to mind.
Hrmm, just throw in some LED's and we'll have a nice pair of headlights :)
What would be really cool (and useful) would be haptic audio controls built into the implant.
So to listen to the mp3 player it will be necessary to hold your ear to the breast, right? I think that's brilliant. You could even listen in stereo!
So getting that for my wife :P
This is the most innovative thing I've ever heard.
Just think: the breast implant can have 4 GB of flash memory, and bluetooth, which can connect many headphones. AND BEST OF ALL, the nipple and the surrounding areola can be the APPLE CLICK WHEEL! (Stimulate yourself while browsing through music)
You might want to change "thing" to "think".
Won't they complain more now? Since it won't be just our eyes that's on them, but our ears as well.
Hmmm....does anyone else visualize a clickwheel here?
"Monitor heart palpitations, blood pressure, diabetes, or breast cancer." are words that will be uddered from the mouths of men and women everwhere as excuses to get a new pair of fakeys. Lovely...
haha, I said udder..
Sexual innuendoes aside, I can see how this might be useful in criminal justice. Imagine never having to physically 'wire' a female officer to get information in an undercover operation.
I guess that would give new meaning to an "underwire" bra...
#13-Sean
Good point, but also imagine how much more suspicion and scrutiny there will be of females who may be working undercover. Just what kind of tests would you have to pass to guarantee that you weren't "wearing a wire?" Just getting felt up, or even body cavity searches, wouldn't cut it anymore.
I don't think female officers usually get boob jobs.
I can see the technology being useful, I just don't see how that's going to help considering it's usually people that strip for a living who get breat enlargements.
How does it charge batteries!
so this means you need to have surgery and be cut open if you want a new gadget. and what about battery
I think the implant is clever in terms of it's medical use (looking for breast cancer etc). However, I would never personally have implants put im my body. Ick. It would be nice if they could make a senser without the breast implant. Like a little pellet they could insert into the middle of a natural breast.
Think of having a tazer-like implant. Anyone who isnt supposed to touch gets shot with an electronic pulsing nipple.
Sweet crispy walnuts!
Err. O.K. I have mixed feelings about this.
The geek-girl in me is like, "Wow! that's kinda neat in a Borg kinda way. Bluetoothe phone and a bouncey chest at the same time."
On the other hand, while the idea of have tech implanted in my flesh seems a little freaky, breast cancer does run in my family so it's always a concern for me. Some kind of implanted "early warning system" would be very cool and save many lives.
Sensors could also moniter healing progress on the implants themselves (which can sometimes be a little dicey).
This is the perfect accessory for a geekette.
With bluetooth you can upload data and carry it around like Johnny Mnemonic. It will be the end of the usb keychain!
And how will you treat a virus that gets into this? Hey, then you can actually hack your way into a woman!
1st step into Bionics?
Hell id get breast implants if the features are cool enough, and im a guy ;)
They should heat and Vibrate!!
The perfect song... Dueling Banjos
Ironic to put a bunch of cool tech in a place where a geek would never find it.
I'd just like some speakers and pressure sensative sensors so that when i honk my gf's breasts I get a nice auditory "Honk" or maybe an "Aooga"
#18: My guess is that you could recharge it the same way a no-wind watch works. WITH MOTION!
iBoob
I'm enthusiastic about the medicial applications, but the music collection thing is daft. "Available within 15 years"? Has anybody looked at the iPod nano lately? Fifteen years from now Apple will have released an iPod that fits inside a single white earbud.
#21
Yep, Joanie Mnemonic. "Here you go Hon', just plug your nipple into the USB port... OHHH, you got the bluetooth set. Well, in that case, just shake them boobies over by my dongle!"
Hey!!! Quit listening to my breasts!!!
nothing innovative...
i've been 'tuning in Tokyo' on my wife's breasts since the movie '16 candles' came out!
How would such a device be tuned? How would the volume be changed? Would one have to turn large, nearby knobs?
well...comment 17 ("considering it's usually people that strip for a living who get breat enlargements") got me thinking...this is actually perfect...strippers wouldn't need to tip out the DJ's, they could just NipCast their own dance tunes...
And it's great for the vegas escort/bachelor party dancer scene...they can travel light, no longer needing to haul a boom box with 'em. About time technology delivered on it's promise of a truly portable cyborg stripper.
I think they'll be powered by regular alkaline batteries. Double D's, most likely.
#8 said: You might want to change "thing" to "think".
Do you understand what sic means? It means that this was a direct quote taken from the guy and he's the one that f---ed it up. If they changed it, it wouldn't be his quote anymore.
talk about a click wheel
LMAO @ #23
classic
Can you make it play the Tetris song when pressed?
Yes..I am a perv... :-D
Lying in your beloved's bussoms could become a musical experience.
When will they have the hot swappable rack mounted series? a set for every mood maybe one with an ipod and 3 inch subs.
music... IN STEREO!
I think the best electronics will be a little pump to make them bigger and bigger on request ;)
music... IN STEREO!
#32 The Dude: The "[sic]" was added AFTER that guy's comment.
Two words: Rumble Pack.
"Excuse me, ma'am? Your knockers are interrupting the sermon, turn it down or use headphones"
Makes ya think what they'll use as the mute button.
Anyone remember William Gibson's NeuroMancer or the movie Johnny Mnemonic
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/johnny_mnemonic/about.php
Where information collection and transport is the big business in the future....
This would be a big step in that direction. Wonder if the bigger the cup size the more GB of storage you get :-)
All we need now is Google to announce GoBooble ChestTop search and this could really become a useful body modification as compared to just another BoobBox ;-)
"Two words: Rumble Pack."
LOL! We have a winner...
@blee -
Did you really just ask for a rack mounted set of breast implants? Isn't that redundant. . .
2 options to charge them:
1) Motion, like the watches . . . fun but doesn't provide much power
2) lay it on the charging pad (see splashpower http://www.engadget.com/entry/3621730184116931/)
Anyone remember William Gibson's NeuroMancer or the movie Johnny Mnemonic
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/johnny_mnemonic/about.php
Where information collection and transport is the big business in the future....
This would be a big step in that direction. Wonder if the bigger the cup size the more GB of storage you get :-)
All we need now is Google to announce GoBooble ChestTop search and this could really become a useful body modification as compared to just another BoobBox ;-)
"No, I'm not a pervert! I just thought were dials to skip to the next song."
It'll be like the movie AI where the prostitute just slaps the side of her breast and mood music comes on...
I think the oppinion that brest implants are primarily done for strippers is WRONG! They are good to improve self image and make someone feel more whole.
My question is how do you deal with airport security. Sudenly you have elderly with new knees and pacemakers in a special line allong with curvy women.
How long 'til you can play Doom on them?
Put RFID tags in it!
Ironically, I just started a Shadowrun(4) game, so this actually sounds like a good idea.
And here I thought mad scientists had gone extinct.
I think you're all missing the point here...
LCD Screen implants!
"Ladies--now you can catch those pervs staring at your breasts. The implantable* PervCam will automatically alert you via SMS message to your cell phone with a picture of the offender.
*required low-cut blouse not included"
If they make them cool and useful enough maybe guys will want them too*, imagine a future where having a big rack isn't gender specific, but just a general status symbol. Heh ... rack-mounted servers. (*other than Genesis P.Orridge)
Well it's naive to think that only strippers are getting breast implants. A lot of women who had major changes after childbirth, older women, etc. are doing it. It's a private thing and since strippers openly show them off, it might make one think that they are the only ones that have them. By the way, I prefer them natural..
As far as devices in the implant, I would think the easiest way to charge them would be through an inductance pad placed under the bed sheets. The applications seem a little small since you still need some input/output to be useful. Also, if it breaks it will require surgery to replace or fix.
new stuff for stevie...iBreast
Three words...
....nipple volume control
Sorry Chris but the majority of people I've known with breast implants were strippers or had some other type of shady job.
Yeah I shouldn't be stereotyping but I am right now as that's been my exposure to this issue so far. Not to discount that there might be legitimate reasons for breat implants, most of time it's not.
All those jokes about the scroll-ball 'nipple' on Apple's Mighty Mouse are getting a little more realistic.
i'm surprised no one has mentioned Pam Anderson's "On the Go, Weather Modeling, Super Computing Breasts...
Someone figures out how to make a web server out of one of these in 3... 2... 1...
Seriously, though, battery life could become a serious issue. Unless they figure out how to make the thing run from body heat or wirelessly transmit electricity to these, I don't see this becoming reality any time soon. The concept is cool, but with the medical risks involved of putting electronic circuits (as well as a battery) in something that gets pushed around so much as a female breast and could leak/burst are simply not worth the benefit of not needing to carry around something that's already the size of a credit card and only a couple of times as thick.
A completely different issue would be the texture. It's already problematic that fake breasts feel like rubber, but getting inside of my girlfriend's shirt and feeling a lump every time I touch her breasts would be a complete turn-on. I'm not even talking about having sex with her and finding that I popped off one nipple and there's a power plug and a USB plug where her nipple's supposed to be.
It's a cool idea superficially, but once you look at it from the perspective of a sexually active female or her partner's, the idea loses much of it's appeal. I'd much rather have to remove the iPod before sex than feel it with my hand every time I'm playing with my girl's breasts.
Perhaps if technology allowed the implant to feel like a real breast and the electronics inside to feel like part of it, as well as charge and play wirelessly, and be as safe as the rest of the implant, I'd agree with this idea more. Until then, I don't think many people who put more than 5 seconds of thought into getting an implant, or anyone that would talk to their partner about it would want something like this inside of their breast.
Sadly, there would be plenty of "Early Adopters" who would get this as a surprise for their boyfriends and have to live with it for as long as their implant lasts.
Nintendo Gal - I gotta agree with Chris. Out here in L.A., "enhancements" are quite common; as a matter of fact, I know several mother daughter pairs who got them, and none of them are in anything to do with show business. It seems that elective surgery is the wave of the future right now. Seriously, though, I could easily picture the government suddenly doing a recruiting drive for A cups, if it they actually could hide a recording device in there.
Does this mean we'll soon be seeing cows with surround?
I got the best one. Implant back massaging breast implants. Then you can have her lean over and rub your back with her knockers ;D
are you having heart palpatations or is your tit bumping Nelly?
this would be cool
I agree with #57 - Who knows, if they are useful enough, guys may get breast implants too. that would be cool i guess. boobies could become non-gender-specific.
That would be cool!
--neg
[P.S. Maybe im just agreeing cos im a sicko who wishes he has boobs.... probably.]
iSqueeze!
Hmm well I don't live in California. I feel California isn't typical of what's out in the US. And I know they like their plastic surgury there.
Still I'm sticking with what I've experienced.
And obviously you ignored this comment I made -
"Not to discount that there might be legitimate reasons for brea[s]t implants, most of time it's not."
That of course is in my opinion.
Oh additional: I guess just seeing the replies on this topic have made me slightly jaded.
:: shrug ::
How about an audio pennis implant? It would give a girl something to entertain herself with while you guys hump. Mysogenistic crap like this is not worth reporting.
How about the iSqueeze.
So, stereo speakers are good to go, but where would the sub-woofer be placed. Could be bass vibe pleasuring down below. :)
Hummm, a man came up with this. Figures. How's about we come up with musical testicular implants. Entertain us for awhile.
Dance boy, dance.
* Fuel-cell refill storage.
* Active anti-shock / stabilizers.
* Vibrator for the tit-jobs.
* Magnets for holding metal things.
I think electric devices can run on sugar from your bloodstream right?
Alternatively you could make a cell phone that bites your ear for blood from time to time to get power.
Tune in Tokyo, come in Tokyo
Then if woman want to expand storage capacity, they will have to expand the size of the breasts. Everyone's a winner!
You all got it wrong. There will be no nobbs or buttons on the breast. We live in an era or remote controls. It already has bluetooth. A bluetooth breast remote is the next step.
might the inevitable iPod poster look like this:
http://junkfoodforthesoul.com/mambo2/images/stripper_ipod.jpg
I don't think they're actually talking about a mp3 player with speakers, just bluetooth. As for power, I think it was Wired that featured a muscle based generator a while back to eliminate batteries in pacemakers and the like. Its a while down the road, but less than the 15 years given here.
What would be intresting is broad-cast regulations (yes, its a stupid pun). Currently FCC rules state that if you violate radio broadcast laws, they confiscate any related equipment you have; if this includes your breasts.... :)
Another intresting trick would be hormone regulation. It could eliminate PMS (the one reason outstanding to wipe out all women) and provide built in, tuneable birth control and even sexual arousal on demand. This of course makes those hacking proposals above far more potent though.
I don't think they're actually talking about a mp3 player with speakers, just bluetooth. As for power, I think it was Wired that featured a muscle based generator a while back to eliminate batteries in pacemakers and the like. Its a while down the road, but less than the 15 years given here.
What would be intresting is broad-cast regulations (yes, its a stupid pun). Currently FCC rules state that if you violate radio broadcast laws, they confiscate any related equipment you have; if this includes your breasts.... :)
Another intresting trick would be hormone regulation. It could eliminate PMS (the one reason outstanding to wipe out all women) and provide built in, tuneable birth control and even sexual arousal on demand. This of course makes those hacking proposals above far more potent though.
I don't think they're actually talking about a mp3 player with speakers, just bluetooth. As for power, I think it was Wired that featured a muscle based generator a while back to eliminate batteries in pacemakers and the like. Its a while down the road, but less than the 15 years given here.
What would be intresting is broad-cast regulations (yes, its a stupid pun). Currently FCC rules state that if you violate radio broadcast laws, they confiscate any related equipment you have; if this includes your breasts.... :)
Another intresting trick would be hormone regulation. It could eliminate PMS (the one reason outstanding to wipe out all women) and provide built in, tuneable birth control and even sexual arousal on demand. This of course makes those hacking proposals above far more potent though.