Since the majority of our day consists of stuffing our face with Big Macs while writing these posts from bed, you
might say that we don't lead the most heart-healthy lifestyle (in fact, our risk-adjusted age makes us 73-years-old).
With that in mind, we were pleased to discover a new service called EKGuard that you can call if you think you're
having a heart attack, and learn from a friendly EMT or nurse on the other end that it's just gas. Actually, the
operator listens to your symptoms and transfers you over to a cardiologist if things sound dicey; the doctor may then
advise you to perform a self-EKG with Aerotel Medical Systems' Heartview P12 portable unit (included in your
subscription). The Heartview is a 12-lead monitor that only requires 4 chest electrodes and 3 steps to register a full
reading, and is able to transmit its results over the phone with a series of beeps and boops (or something like that).
It doesn't really need to be mentioned that someone having a severe heart attack probably won't have the time nor the
composure to go through the fairly intricate 5-minute process, so if your left arm keeps dropping the electrodes you're
trying to stick on, you're best off skipping the EKGuard service altogether and calling yourself an ambulance.