Air Force plans major cyberspace command

Ever since Top Gun proved to hostile nations that American pilots like Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer are unbeatable in the sky, the Air Force has been looking for other arenas to flex its billion-dollar muscle: first it was tasked with protecting space from enemy satellites and belligerent aliens, and a little over a year ago, its mandate expanded to include cyberspace as well. Instead of just setting up a .gov domain and calling it a day, however, the branch has revealed a much more ambitious plan to guard civilian and military networks with a new command led by the 8th Air Force working out of Louisiana's Barksdale Air Force Base. Assuming that the proper funding and legislative approval are secured, the four-star general-led command could begin operations as soon as October 2008, and will attempt to thwart potentially catastrophic attacks that could destroy the economy and force bloggers like us to go out and get real jobs at print publications. When asked exactly what he thought the Air Force's role in cyberspace would be, senator and IT expert Ted Stevens said that he envisioned swarms of miniature UAVs patrolling the vulnerable "series of tubes" 24/7, destroying malicious bots and rogue packets with a hail of tiny bullets.

[kaybee @ Nov 2nd 2006 2:51PM]

Good work Engadget editors, you guys have been putting out hysterical commentary today, funnier than usual.

[Stefano Scalia @ Nov 2nd 2006 2:51PM]

Good. Keep China out of my internets.

[mrhammerstein @ Nov 2nd 2006 3:03PM]

can't they just get rid of DRM instead?

[ibigpapa @ Nov 2nd 2006 3:08PM]

Hrmm, reminds me of terminator 3.

[nsmonkeygirl @ Nov 2nd 2006 3:28PM]

bwahahaha nice Hackers reference (the picture, for those who might have missed it...)

[Frank Palazzi @ Nov 2nd 2006 3:29PM]

Um..... Not to blow your analogy or anything...but Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer played Marine (or maybe Navy) pilots.

[Kim Jong-Il @ Nov 2nd 2006 3:37PM]

You lazy American dogs! Once the great, Democratic People's Republic of Korea has toppled the servers of your feeble MMORPGs the constipated bowels of your capitalist nation will swell with indolent, carpal-tunnel afflicted middle aged men and WoW fanboys that have lost all purpose in their decadent lives.

The world will laugh as your economy topples and sales of your salty snacks and carbonated beverages plummet. Your bitter tears will sow the fields of a new generation of rule for the Democratic People's Republic of Korea!

Hahahaha!

[badnegro @ Nov 2nd 2006 3:37PM]

@Frank Palazzi

...which is why he said "American pilots"...

jebus...

[markhill66 @ Nov 2nd 2006 3:50PM]

Top Gun = Navy. Rekkanize.

[PDubNYC @ Nov 2nd 2006 3:51PM]

shouldn't they still be working on piping Queen's "One Vision" into every cockpit we've got. Pilots are clearly unstoppable with that pumping them up.

[Cronick @ Nov 2nd 2006 3:54PM]

Thank goodness the government is finally going to protect us from our freedom of speech!

[Scott Neary @ Nov 2nd 2006 3:58PM]

What the hell does Top Gun have to do with the Air Farce..err Force?

[narco @ Nov 2nd 2006 4:04PM]

I'm sure that B2 knows where the Garbage folder is.

Fishes,
narco.

[Jeff @ Nov 2nd 2006 4:14PM]

"..which is why he said "American pilots"..."

Doesn't matter - it's still not proper English. What if the sentence had instead been "ever since 'The Final Countdown' proved to the world the superiority of American aircraft carriers, the US Army has sought to exploit its power in new ways." Makes no sense, right? It's the same thing. However generic the words you use to describe an example, that doesn't change what that example actually is (especially salient in a case like this, where the example is a known quantity despite the description that omits a key piece of info).

Kind of silly to be arguing about fictional movie pilots, but they were Navy pilots in the film. Totally different animals, with a different skill set.

[Mike @ Nov 2nd 2006 4:28PM]

I'm sure you really know this, but Top Gun was about the Navy, not the Air Force. It's like making an Apple vs. Dell slip...

[chris @ Nov 2nd 2006 6:03PM]

to further complicate things, NAVY "pilots" are called "Aviators" , I'm told never call one a Pilot.


I was hard pressed to find a Movie/Air Force connection, I arrived at "The Great Santini" or "Iron Eagle".

So maybe we should stick with Tom and Val.

[Cameron @ Nov 2nd 2006 4:29PM]

yea for sure, Hackers is the best movie every! period

[kcammie @ Nov 2nd 2006 4:34PM]

The only problem is that Top Gun was based on Navy pilots and not Air Force

[JS @ Nov 2nd 2006 5:04PM]

"The only problem is that Top Gun was based on Navy pilots and not Air Force"

The only problem is you tards out there that find it more enjoyable to correct someone than actually providing useful comments to foster friendly debate and focusing on the real issue.

What impact will this have on the internet in the US? Are they just going to "protect" government sites? Will this bring more serucity to wade through in order to pay my bills on-line? Interesting.....

[MrGoodIT @ Nov 2nd 2006 5:09PM]

Hmm, Air Force recruitment, duty, and hackers. Oh yes I see that working out quite well. Wake up at the crack of dawn, go sit at a computer and be sure to log all your activities. Yes I see this being a very popular program.

Perhaps they can throw in free pizza, Mountain Dew, room, laundry, access to every game machine (new and old), and the drugs pilots uses to stay up like 24 hours so they can actually get some one to sign up and then keep them a while. At least the recruits considering FBI would have an option.

But hey perhaps they can develop a weapon like virus or worm that starts overclocking every system disables all warnings of overheating (slowly at first as to be not noticed right away) that reduces everyone computer to a pile of slag. Ops I just leaked my idea. Guess I should file that "vague" patent idea so that any application that overclocks is now violating my "idea" and I can get on the hey I didn't design your system but I patented the "idea" first so send me tons of money train.

[Roger Chicas-Terrill @ Nov 2nd 2006 6:04PM]

Download the "garbage file"...hahaha

[ufgatorindc @ Nov 2nd 2006 6:52PM]

i'm an active duty AF officer and we didn't think this was serious until the actual presser came out...i guess our bosses really want to put some attention on this--it's not often that we stand up an entirely new command for something....this could get interesting although it may be difficult to get troops to come to Barksdale (LA)...it's not exactly CO or FL (where everyone wants to go)

[Brett Majesky @ Nov 3rd 2006 2:01PM]

Wow, that was fast. I'm part of the "Mighty Eighth", stationed at Barksdale, and we were just sent the memo about this yesterday. What does this mean to us? Of what I can say, 8th Air Force might become a major command of itself (a way of breaking the Air Force into smaller, more managable groups). A majcomm is the largest entity within the Air Force. Also, yes- it sure does sound like we're going to be monitoring our networks a whole lot more from here. This is going to be exciting and I'm proud to be part of this page in history

[CMOS @ Nov 3rd 2006 2:24PM]

No metion of Skynet, Sarah Connor, and Terminator 3?

[fm @ Nov 3rd 2006 8:17PM]

I agree with JS. Who f* cares if it was Navy or Air Force(unless you are one of the other).
The better conversation would be the effects of it.
Why in the world would the Air Force be tasked to do this job. For god sake! We've got a ton of agencies that this this genre of thing such as the FBI, the CIA, the NSA along with tens if not hundreds of unknown agencies.
BTW I wasn't aware B2s were able to fly through fiber.

[Epsilon @ Nov 5th 2006 10:40PM]

XD

[Steve @ Nov 8th 2006 5:49PM]

Ok, enough about the slip, if it was one, on pilots/aviators. This scenario sounds a bit like Tron (anybody remember?). I want to see SkyNet vs The MCP.