Headshot! Food for gamers

Mmmm mm, guarana extract... nothing quite like it for doping kids via Mountain Dew MDX or Rockstar energy drink just to name a few of the more popular stimulant elixirs. Now a newcomer: the Headshot Gamer Bar. Oh yes it is, a candy bar with oomph for plenty of late night sniping fun. Fortunately, it's said to taste like toffee, not ape guano, and destined for retail at gaming centers across North America. You know -- someday, somewhere in the baggage room at Greyhound, some beat poet will scratch: "I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by guarana, starving hysterical, naked, dragging themselves through the Vice City streets at dawn looking for an angry fix." Don't believe us? Click-on for the ingredients.

Glucose, Milk Chocolate Coating (sugar, fractionated palm kernel oil, milk powder, cocoa, cocoa processed with alkali, sorbitan tristearate (an emulsifier), Lecithin, and vanilla), Brown Rice Crisp (Rice Flour, Evaporated Cane Juice, Sea Salt, Malt Extract), Rolled Oats, Toffee Bits (Sugar, Butter, Almonds, Whole Milk, Cocoa Butter, Chocolate Liquor, Salt, Artificial Flavor, Soy Lecithin, Natural Flavor), Dextrose, Dextrin Sugar, High Oleic Sunflower Oil, Natural & Artificial Flavor, Gum Acacia, Soy Lecithin (as emulsifier).

100mg of Guarana

[primax @ Aug 14th 2008 12:48PM]

awesome, I mean there are only so many drinks I can drink at a time, But now I can double my caffeine intake without doubling the liquid's that past my mouth.

[Heroshima @ Feb 16th 2007 7:24PM]

I tired one, this thing tasted like chocolate that had been left out for to long, you know the stuff that goes white. Very chalky, Not something id do again.

[Revrant2394 @ Feb 16th 2007 9:06AM]

It hurts, my mind, I don't know if I should negative for stupidity or positive for the laugh I got from aforementioned stupidity.

[o.reilly.com @ Feb 16th 2007 9:28AM]

As much I understand the craving for 'energy', I do also see a relation between people on speed or caffeine. These people get hyper. So they get addicted.

These youngsters drink 2 cans of Red Bull for breakfast and shout and yell at others because of their hyper state. Energy is something you have to dose. If you can't put that energy into something you get agressive and tensioned. Their body and muscles become restless and sometimes it builds up to much. They can't sleep well and their body can burn out over a while.

I don't think that is a good progression of our youth. 'Kay, we know about sugar and carbonhydrates etc. We used to grow up with them too. But what these kids are getting theirs hands on is pure chemical science to the max. It is all concentrated energy and pumping etc.

I can't get it out of my head that these people will get heart diseases etc. because of their instable usage of energy and the chemicals they use.

- Unomi -

[Dave @ Feb 16th 2007 9:57AM]

Darwinism at its finest.... if people are too stupid to realize that you shouldn't drink 2 cans of redbull for breakfast.. well.. then.. thats natural selection. Also, if parents are to damn lazy or careless to stop their kids from doing this crap, again... survival of the fittest.

I have no remorse for people who abuse their own bodies. None. I do not feel sad for fat asses who blame McDonalds.

Now.... where can I get my hands on some of these bars? I have a late night session of Gears Of War tonight, and I wanna lay the smacketh down!!!

[jerry @ Feb 16th 2007 9:23AM]

dude

does the thing have guarana in the ingredients - no

[jerry @ Feb 16th 2007 9:27AM]

nevermind

100mg of Guarana

[teodoro @ Feb 16th 2007 9:50AM]

Despite the spelling simularity, there is no relation to guarana and guano. Guano, BTW is only used in reference to bat and seabird feces, not apes.

[Brian @ Feb 16th 2007 9:59AM]

i dont think they meant to saythat there was guano in the bar...

[Raz @ Feb 20th 2007 4:21PM]

I believe it was meant to be that ever elusive 'sarcasm' you read about. You know, the stuff where they make a pithy comment using puns, perhaps, to illustrate a point?

After all, it doesn't taste like ape $#!7 is hardly an allowable statement. Guano, due to its similarity to the word Guarana, lends a colourful, and amusing image to use in this particular case, since a great many 'energy drinks' taste like they include Guano, rather than Guarana.

Thank you, and please, play again.

[Bill @ Mar 8th 2007 12:09AM]

And despite the similarity in an 'i' and a 'u', you still got them mixed up in 'similarity', oaf.

[Juan @ Feb 16th 2007 2:16PM]

Natural selection doesn't work for humans anymore. It's amazing what kind of people manage to spawn.

[Jim Carlton @ Feb 16th 2007 8:24PM]

I believe the proper form is "I wisheth to lay smack down upon my brethern gamers." Otherwise, you haven't properly split the infinitive (a characteristic of all Monty Python-esque uses of Old English), nor have you conjugated the verb correctly.

[Lulibub @ Feb 22nd 2007 7:46AM]

LOL I think the author was trying to say that most products with guarana taste like guano.

[Thomas Ricker @ Feb 16th 2007 10:02AM]

Teodoro, Of course there is a link to guano and apes:

http://www.google.com/musica?aid=Pwza4hhku8G&sa=X&oi=music&ct=result

A damn fine German band from the 90s.

;-) Thomas

[Caffiend @ Feb 16th 2007 10:46AM]

Beat me to it.

Sandra Nasić is the hottest female rocker out there. Too bad the Guano Apes split.

[Nith @ Feb 16th 2007 10:50AM]

Energy drinks have a particular use (i.e. late night partying, studying, working, etc). For the kids that have 2 red-bull for breakfast then their parents need a good back hand or a baseball bat to the face!!

This is actually the reason why energy drinks were banned in canada up until several years ago (now they just put a warning label and sell it as health products :-S)

While I am all for energy drinks (they got me through some harsh times where coffee just doesn't do the trick) I do think they should limit the age, much like alcohol or tabacco (although 16 is probably more appropriate.

I wouldn't eat the bar though.

[Kevlar @ Feb 16th 2007 11:08AM]

My poison of choice is a drink I recently discovered called "Guru". My friends don't like the taste, but I do (It's sweet and kinda tart). The biggest plus is that it's certified organic, and advertised to be all-natural.

[jav @ Feb 16th 2007 4:28PM]

I will never understand why people think: "if its natural, then its ok"

no its not... eat a natural plant that has poison, and it wont be good...

its still natural though

[tim @ Feb 16th 2007 12:00PM]

Well, when this bar contains some cocaine I may buy one. Until then, I'll be drinking Sparks.

[Raz @ Feb 20th 2007 4:20PM]

Sparks has Cocaine in it?! ;)

[Benny the Cow @ Feb 16th 2007 12:11PM]

i just don't get these people. Being a middle schooler, i can testify that there are hundreds of doped up kids running around. There idiotic parents give them all the energy drinks they want, (because they have vitamins, wtf?) and then when there little hyper active crackhead gets expelled for biting people, guess how they fix that? if you guessed more drugs and ritalin, you are correct. Then the poor kids are these bipolar junkies who cant even remember who they are. Trust me i have two of them in my class.

[Grant @ Feb 16th 2007 12:24PM]

on the topic of kids and caffeine, it's just a bad idea in general.
It's highly addictive, and far too easy to get hooked on. No one under the age of 15 should really consume caffeine daily, but with all the soda and garbage kids eat, its hard to avoid.
It's in too many things, and thats basically how the soda industry runs, the soda it's self isn't addictive, but the caffeine added in is. Soda does NOT have to have caffeine in it, it is added in to be addictive. The bottom line is parents need to be a little more proactive and less retarded. Chances are little billy won't be able to eat garbage on a daily basis unless YOU buy it for him. I hate people who can't take responsibility and it seems like recently there has been a spike in blaming other shit for bad parenting.

As for these bars, i don't know the addictive qualities of guarana, but compared to caffiene, it keeps me awake but less edgy. Plus it tastes better. I'm glad they are using it in more and more things and will probably try these things, cause i mean you can only drink SO MANY can of red bull before it gets old.

[Vester @ Feb 20th 2007 10:17AM]

Highly refined sugars, as in sodas are in themselves very addictive. Although of course adding coffeine only makes matters worse.

[Krej @ Feb 20th 2007 2:09PM]

For the record, guarana is a plant that has caffine (called guaranine when extracted from guarana but chemically equivalent to coffee caffine or synthetic caffine):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guarana
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guaranine

My suspicion (but I havn't confirmed this) for the recent surge in the use of guarana for caffine (instead of the traditional sources: coffee or synthetic) is that it allows manufactuers to bypass some sort of FDA regulation through a technical loophole.

[Andy @ Feb 16th 2007 12:44PM]

I consume on average an an energy drink once a day, If I am at a lanparty more like 7 BAWLS. Am I addicted? No, I have been on vacation in places that an energy drink is not easily found and done just fine.... Caffeine is only bad if you abuse it- just like anything else. I would be willing to bet there is more of a health risk to those WoW junkies who never leave the house than the people that have an energy drink or two a day. Besides that, I can drink 7 bawls guaranas over 12 hours and not get an energy rush because I have become used to the caffeine, Heck, I drank one the other day and fell asleep.

[Victor Cornelius @ Feb 16th 2007 1:08PM]

so then why do you drink them?

[Ryu @ Feb 20th 2007 2:19PM]

That is exactly why you're addicted. You feel fine from consuming caffeine because your body isn't handling your adenosine correctly. Meaning that you don't have quite a lot of energy, do anything rigorous like exercising, sucking it up, or all of the above.

[Andy @ Feb 16th 2007 3:45PM]

You wanna bet? Billy probably has friends. How do you think the pastor's kid gets crack?

[tiuk @ Feb 16th 2007 3:28PM]

I actually really like the taste of a lot of energy drinks. If there were caffeine-free versions I'd probably drink them.

[Sammy D @ Feb 16th 2007 6:16PM]

Thomas- hahaha nice reference to Howl, I wonder if I'm the only one who noticed this. Also, does anyone know about how much caffeine is in 100mg of guarana?

[The Downer @ Feb 17th 2007 7:05PM]

Nah, I caught it too. Ginsberg FTW.

[Tecratal @ Feb 16th 2007 11:57PM]

Coke used to have cocaine in it. This fixed that by switching it out with caffeine and everyone was happy. Until now people are realizing caffeine is a stimulant and it can be addicting (mentally not physically). Give it up there shouldn't be restrictions and I like what someone put about survival of the fittest earlier. Thats how it should be. If you wanna screw up your body's inner workings go for it...i know i like to. But don't force restrictions on others just because you don't want it. And there is nothing wrong with drinking 2 red bulls in the morning...that isn't all that much. A large coffee from dunkin donuts has more caffeine then that. At least the red bulls have vitamins and minerals in it so you aren't starving your body as you speed it up. Oh and for all of you thinking guarana is different then caffeine its not...all it is is a berry that contains caffeine naturally. Its mostly just a catchphrase used by marketing to sell the drinks.

[Morgan @ Feb 19th 2007 4:11PM]

Sorry, caffeine is actually one of the more physically addictive behaviourally-active drugs out there. It ranks with cocaine and nicotine in terms of withdrawl symptoms.

Don't believe me?

http://www.caffeinedependence.org/caffeine_dependence.html
http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=1295296
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=3131789&dopt=Abstract

Works cited include research within the NIH, Johns Hopkins Medical Research, and other addictive substance research centers.

I also can personally attest to withdrawl symptoms after years of waking up feeling shitty after caffeine-binge nights working late as a Comp Sci major at University of MD.

[Matt Martin @ Feb 16th 2007 1:41PM]

Eat/Drink healthy folks. Stop drinking these unhealthy energy drinks. They increase heart rate and can lead to all sorts of undesirable medical conditions. I suggest you sit down with a nice glass of your friend H2O.

[idk @ Feb 16th 2007 9:53PM]

Energy drinks help me in alot of situations, but those energy bars do nothing. I also HaTe the flavor of them, but I love the flavor of energy drinks, except those dumbass fruit punch flavored ones.

I'm going to end up buying one of these, but I bet my taste buds are gunna regret it.

[ayan4m1 @ Feb 16th 2007 5:40PM]

There's a pizza place near where I live that has an option on their menu for "Goat Cheese - ALL NATURAL!" As if the other cheese they use isn't? Natural defines pretty much anything... cocaine is "all natural," yet you don't see it being sold in health food stores. People should actually read what's in what they're eating/drinking and make the call from there, but just going by if it's "Certified Organic" or not is just stupid.

[Richard @ Feb 16th 2007 9:10PM]

2 cans of Red Bull is equivalent to two cups of coffee energy wise, not exactly going to make your heart explode.

[Grant @ Feb 19th 2007 11:52AM]

not neccesarily, there is a ton of other garbage in their that is worse for you, such as taurine. A little research will show you it has brain melting potential, kinda like what ODing on xstacy does.
red bull is a nifty little cocktail of chemicals; As are most energy drinks.

[Heather @ Feb 19th 2007 7:37AM]

Milk chocolate? What's the point? That's adulterated chocolate for pansies. At least make it dark. Sheesh.

[akmarksman @ Feb 19th 2007 7:20AM]

hmm..well it's interesting..caffeine energy bars..
There's caffeine pop,energy drinks,caffeine gum,caffeine soap,etc..
I grew up in the '80s and I've probably had over 50,000 cans of pop in 25 years..caffeine usually tires me out..heck 4 cans of Sobe NOFEAR won't even keep me awake during a hectic workday..
There is caffeinated water..I wonder how that tastes.
I don't have diabetes or any other health problems..and I'm almost as fast a runner as I was in my teen years.
Chase those caffeine products with 20oz of cold bottled water and you'll be fine.

[d0gma @ Feb 19th 2007 8:36AM]

Guarana is a small tart fruit that grows in South America, specifically Brazil. Brazilians have been drinking this as a soda for years, it's as common as Coke down there. Every time one of my Brazilian friends comes up I ask him to bring me some, I love it. Don't know about this 'energy drink' crap though.

[Homeless @ Feb 19th 2007 11:08AM]

Man, I don't see why gamers require a special energy bar. It's not like we have some extreme physical requirements for gaming binges. A gamer's diaper I could see being useful for.

I don't drink energy drinks since I got the diabeetus but I used to and all I can say is man, those taste like crap and make you feel terrible.

[Steve @ Feb 19th 2007 11:11AM]

As a college student, I see too many people who can't get through the day without either several energy drinks or a physical and mental breakdown. It's a little creepy.

I don't like the taste of energy drinks (Rumba is the only one that I think actually tastes decent...) so I only use them the day after a night of little to no sleep when I know I NEED to keep alert and awake. Those days are at most once or twice a month for me. Usually only once.

[Mav @ Feb 19th 2007 11:12AM]

I should be allowed to think!

[Spruce @ Feb 19th 2007 8:28PM]

"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by guarana, starving hysterical, naked, dragging themselves through the Vice City streets at dawn looking for an angry fix."

Nice They Might Be Giants reference.

[Liz @ Feb 19th 2007 2:53PM]

Two words: Bachelor Chow.

Makes its own gravy!

[Jerrad @ Feb 19th 2007 2:54PM]

Meh eff the bars...2 points:
A. It won't mix well with vodka
B. Minus cookie dough flavor, the entire genre tastes like crap anyway

(PS... the water to flush suggestion earlier is a good one, this is something that creeps up, my father was 50 before told to give up coffee if he wanted to get rid of an irregular heartbeat. cutting out caffiene did solve the problem over time.)

[SaikoGekido @ Feb 19th 2007 2:57PM]

Since no one else has mentioned this, I'd like to point out that guarana is another name for caffeine. The different name is because of it being extracted from a different plant. There are actually several kinds of caffeine, but all have pretty much the same chemical structure. If you look some of this up, you'll find out that a lot of energy drinks have massive doses of several kinds of caffeine.

I would also like to state that guarana is tasty. So, so tasty. My preciousssssss.

[Mark Snyder @ Feb 19th 2007 5:49PM]

Don't forget, organic does not immediately translate to healthy. Foxglove is organic, many poisons are organic. Anything in dangerous quantities is organic. I get tired of organic freaks assuming natural is better. Guano is organic, maybe they can start eating that...