Rogue Roomba breaks all iRobot's three laws of Roombotics

It's the stuff robotic room-cleaner nightmares are made of. According to The Onion, Ken Graney's third-gen Roomba (with Scheduler) is among the first known to have actually shattered iRobot's three prescribed laws of Roombotics:

• Roombots must not suck up jewelry or other valuables, or through inaction, allow valuables to be sucked up.
• Roombots must obey vacuuming orders given to it by humans except when such orders would conflict with the first law.
• Roombots are authorized to protect their own ability to suction dust and debris as long as such protection does not conflict with the first or second law.

The most important set of robotics rules since Isaac Hayesimov's Three Laws, apparently model 4260 actually climbed dresser and sucked up a pair of heirloom cufflinks, as well as keys and a wrist watch. 4260 has also supposedly been known to climb up and down stairs -- even walls -- hide its own virtual walls, and has since being detected gone missing entirely. Graney fears for the worst: that his Roomba knows the source of its households messes, the very human that occupies it -- him. We face a grim, immaculate dystopian future indeed.

[snapa @ Apr 15th 2007 10:49PM]

I, for one, welcome our new rogue Roomba overlords.

[Ayle @ Apr 15th 2007 10:52PM]

It's a joke right?

[Ayle @ Apr 16th 2007 12:53AM]

Oh? I got voted down.... So this is fake.....

[alex @ Apr 15th 2007 10:56PM]

slow news day apparently when we're getting gadget news from The Onion.

[3rdsun @ Apr 15th 2007 11:02PM]

Did they call Robocop

[Alric Lopez @ Apr 15th 2007 11:14PM]

I miss Asimov...

[Grant @ Apr 15th 2007 11:16PM]

Yeah,
way to check your FAKE news sources.
Cause the stories on The Onion are always 100% true and accurate.

Good job, this is the epitome of "not news".

[Meltz; @ Apr 16th 2007 4:56PM]

No freakin crap

[Grant @ Apr 15th 2007 11:19PM]

And of all the fake stories to report on, they missed this one:

"Apple Unveils New Product-Unveiling Product": http://www.theonion.com/content/news/apple_unveils_new_product

[Makai Lawson @ Apr 15th 2007 11:20PM]

I'm a little worried about running my Roomba again, I wouldn't want it to tidy things up! or climb my walls, that little devil

[Dolomite @ Apr 15th 2007 11:23PM]

In Soviet Russia, Roombas suck you! wait that doesn't sound right....

[bas @ Apr 15th 2007 11:38PM]

Doesn't make sense either. The joke is a reversal. You don't suck a roomba, so the joke wouldn't be the roomba sucks you.

[Mike @ Apr 15th 2007 11:26PM]

I love the Onion. The best part of this article is the prediction that the Roomba will kill it's owner to stop the mess for good. Brilliant.

Also, to some of the above commentators, are you really accusing Engadget of posting something from THE ONION as real!? Nobody is stupid enough to believe The Onion, and I thought nobody was stupid enough to think a site like Engadget would fall for The Onion. I almost want to think that your comments are jokes...

[Ross @ Apr 15th 2007 11:36PM]

What we need is a cop who distrusts those Roombas, even though ironically they once saved his life...

[Phil @ Apr 15th 2007 11:55PM]

This could get really dangerous if your Roomba falls in love with you. Maybe we should set all of our Roombas to "gentle" just in case.

[demasque @ Apr 16th 2007 1:08AM]

This shouldn't be any problem unless your name is Sarah Conner...

[jadegreen @ Apr 16th 2007 1:29AM]

Roomba is raising capitol to build its own little army to conquer the world! The invasion has begun!!

[Ryan @ Apr 16th 2007 3:05AM]

MY Scooba violated ASIMOV'S rule #1 ... not to harm humans! Pied-piper-esque my Scooba took my children away! (Likely for the reason suggested at the end of the article, it deemed that eliminating the humans that were leaving bagel crumbs on the floor cleaned mere INSTANTS earlier would be more efficient than constantly cleaning their mess.)

See the video evidence! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXNLAKS_Pnw

[McGinley @ Apr 16th 2007 3:07AM]

So...a robot can just choose to break the 3 laws?That sucks ass.

[Ryan @ Apr 16th 2007 3:23AM]

That "sucks" ass ... excellent ...

[McGinley @ Apr 16th 2007 11:41AM]

I can't believe I didn't notice that.*slaps forehead*

[Alexeon @ Apr 16th 2007 3:43AM]

See? I told you all robots would take over, but what did you do? Put me in a crazy house, thats what. Well, now look at you, defending your freedom from vacuum cleaners.

[Bazza @ Apr 16th 2007 5:06AM]

i don't want to be a battery!! that would totally suck.

[Andir3.0 @ Apr 16th 2007 7:50AM]

As long as it doesn't start "munching carpet"...

[DIMEBAG @ Apr 16th 2007 10:21AM]

Ha! When I saw the headline, I thought it said Rogue Amoeba. Why on earth am I reading this?

[Alex Samuals @ Apr 16th 2007 10:53AM]

Some may find this funny, I do not. My Roomba has managed to slit time and space, it has vanished on two separate occasions. On it's first return my Roomba told me it belongs to some one call Old Ben something? not me. The second time it charged out of the house said it had to find a John Conner? never seen my Roomba since...

[Gilberto @ Apr 16th 2007 1:53PM]

f-in hillarious!!!... WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh!!!

[Squirrel @ Apr 16th 2007 5:11PM]

Less than three, engadget commenters, less than three!

Laugh of the day!

[Matthew @ Apr 19th 2007 7:53PM]

Those are based on the laws of robots in the movie "I, Robot"

[ReamedByRoombaRed @ May 31st 2007 10:54PM]

Roombas often die in a month or less - mine did! No help from iRobot's tech support bozos. Better off giving the $150 to some homeless person than buy this crap!!