Anyone who's a fan of ABC's Lost knows the perils of going to a specialist for help getting pregnant: because the timid doctor doesn't want to tell your husband -- who's employed by your violent, mob-tied father -- that he's infertile, he'll be forced to lie and initiate a series of events that can only culminate with you stranded on a spooky uncharted island full of polar bears and hostile natives. Well the folks at Genosis Inc. are sick and tired of family planning-related plane crashes, and have just received FDA approval for a product that should put an end to these senseless tragedies once and for all: the Fertell home fertility test
. Capable of detecting both the concentration of motile sperm as well as a hormone which indicates egg quality, Fertell promises to give fairly accurate results for both him and her in under a half-hour -- and though it's not being publicized as a substitute for "professional evaluations," it will at least save a few men like Hank Hill the embarrassment of having to discuss their narrow urethras. The Fertell kit should be available immediately at your favorite local drug store or black-market pharmacy, priced at an even hundred bucks.