The Onion releases latest round of iPhone specs

Crazy, we knew The Onion had some pretty reliable sources inside Apple, but who would have thought the Stevephone reproduces through asexual mitosis? And we still think $600 is a lot, but an iPhone hat clearly makes it a fantastic value.

[AndrewNeo @ Jun 20th 2007 7:23PM]

Sounds about right.

[alex @ Jun 20th 2007 7:25PM]

wow, impressive feature, I think I should start camping out for an iPhone now.

[Homeboy @ Jun 20th 2007 7:27PM]

Gosh. Will there ever been an iPhone free day the cmong 30 days?

[Patrick @ Jun 20th 2007 7:27PM]

That is fucking great!

[Sauerkraut @ Jun 20th 2007 7:27PM]

It would have been a stupid post but I got to admit the hat made me want it :(

[cmonkey @ Jun 20th 2007 7:28PM]

Its a shame its such a closed platform, otherwise the Lightsaber one could have come true.

[Jumbie @ Jun 20th 2007 7:31PM]

Heheheh, that's funny.

Love the last bit about the hat and also the lightsaber sounds.

Except that with all the suing and trademark infringements/patents, George Lucas will probably sue. Oh and anyone that makes, or has ever thought of making, hats.

Note to all yeast: You are not allowed to sue.

[michael @ Jun 20th 2007 7:33PM]

"Has way, way more PRAM than the last thingy"

Pure freaking gold. Nigh on every problem on my old (like 96 old) powerbook was solved by zapping the PRAM.

[carlo @ Jun 20th 2007 8:19PM]

Yeah I agree, CLASSIC!!! haha, zap the PRAM. Sounds like something that could put you in jail.

Ctrl-Option-P-R right? or was it Ctrl-Apple-P-R...

Control Apple P R

Hm. Interesting.

[Mickey Jones @ Jun 20th 2007 7:52PM]

I read that it's made from liquid metal and can assume the appearance of anything it touches.

[Passarinhuu @ Jun 20th 2007 7:56PM]

Asexual Reproduction? Well, that pretty much solves the high price tag problem, since we can buy one by splitting the price and then wait for it to duplicate :P

[Dragod @ Jun 20th 2007 8:02PM]

Seeing the iPhone makes me sick... It makes me mad that Apple charges $600 with a contract, and yet it is lacking so many features. All this is, is hype. People want their Apple, and they want it now. If it had 3G, a Camera, and no contract it MIGHT be worth $600. It makes me sick.

[Adam @ Jun 20th 2007 8:10PM]

Erm, you do know that the iphone has a 2mp camera, right? It has a large touch screen, 8gb of memory....i dont know how cheap you think it should be, but it cant at this point in its life be much cheaper.

[Mrmean @ Jun 20th 2007 8:13PM]

lol @ butthurt Dragod

[Nimajus Bagdonavicius @ Jun 20th 2007 8:09PM]

"Comes with an iPhone hat, so people know you own an iPhone during the" lengthy periods that it's charging.

[shaun @ Jun 20th 2007 8:14PM]

yer cos we all know how long they take to charge seeing as every man and his dog has had a go on one

[Nick Tritz @ Jun 20th 2007 8:19PM]

hey, if i'm paying $600 plus 2 years worth of minutes and possibly a data plan, then i better get a hat that lets all the ladies know just how awesome i am. we're all self conscious, im just the first to admit it...

[Andune @ Jun 20th 2007 8:21PM]

I would buy the iPhone just for that hat.

Not that im not going to buy one anyway but...

[Macview @ Jun 20th 2007 8:21PM]

That was funny... and unlike the others today who chided Edgadget for always praising Apple and puting down Microsoft when the "big ass Table" video was presented I can take it as it was intended - humor. Not like someone raped my grandmother.

The big ass table video was funnier though.

[Cesar Cardoso @ Jun 20th 2007 8:23PM]

Everybody loves The Onion!

[drtekger @ Jun 20th 2007 8:55PM]

I am writing this comment on my iPhone right now. That nasty big S on the touchpad sucks, but its okay.

[Low @ Jun 20th 2007 9:13PM]

Why isn't this breaking news?

[Mark @ Jun 20th 2007 9:15PM]

Fantastic.

Even Apple and Steve Jobs/P.T. Barnum wouldn't be able to lie so unashamedly about their products.

[Roger Anderson @ Jun 20th 2007 9:26PM]

The hat should have a light on it that is on when you are using the phone. That way when you are talking on it everyone can avoid coming near you. The iPhone hat light can be red, because Apple owns you, and the Zune hat will have a blue light - blue light special anyone?

[Joe @ Jun 21st 2007 2:32AM]

Mitosis and budding are two different things.

[rex @ Jun 21st 2007 3:21AM]

"iPwn an iPhone".. jaja.. that's what it should say on the hat!

[supermeerkat @ Jun 21st 2007 3:59AM]

Provided the iPhone can clone dinosaurs and allow time travel I'm so gonna buy me one of those suckas.

[PEZ @ Jun 21st 2007 7:27AM]

Now that you have given in to allowing opting out of iphone and or apple coverage altogether (Like your brothers), you mught as well give into calling it the stevephone (sad name), and just call it the jesusphone like your brothers as well.

[hydrogen_wv @ Jun 21st 2007 9:07AM]

But what about when all the iPhone hats come trickling in to Goodwill and the Salvation Army and all the hobos are wearing them..... What then?

I know the homeless guy down the street has NOT been to Myrtle Beach, no matter what his shirt says.

[Mike @ Jun 21st 2007 9:51AM]

Asexual mitosis? I've never heard of that, animals with either asexual or sexual reproduction perform mitosis. Whether it be (n) or (2n) lol. Some biology lessons you need :D

[Martin Porcheron @ Jun 21st 2007 10:29AM]

"asexual mitosis"

As opposed to what, sexual mitosis? mitosis = asexual reproduction. That's like, GCSE grade biology (age 16).

[Paradox @ Jun 21st 2007 11:18AM]

"Prominent Apple Logo"

Now I *know* this article is fake!

[JC @ Jun 25th 2007 3:55PM]

Even the Onion knows that all the iPhone is, is a consumer electronics toy. Where is the enterprising software!? I read a great post on iphailure.com that brought up a lot of good points.

[navyblue @ Jun 26th 2007 5:28PM]

Hey, tv network G4 is giving away six iphones free this Friday night at 10pm ET/PT duing it's show "Free Stuff" www.g4tv.com/freestuff.