Mariah Carey demands 802.11n, Kenneth touch her body

We're not sure why Mariah Carey keeps putting nerdy dudes in her videos -- remember Jerry O'Connell showing up in Heartbreaker? (Don't ask how we knew that.) -- but her latest, Touch My Body, stars Jack McBrayer of 30 Rock fame, and takes it to the next dorktastic level. Not only do the lyrics reference YouTube (and terrifyingly, hunting you down if you so much as think about putting a certain type of video on it), but the video features Guitar Hero, laser tag, and Mimi requesting -- nay, demanding! -- to be upgraded to 802.11n WiFi because "... the download speed was killing me." We wish we were kidding. Mariah, look, we'll be honest -- CompuNerds are ripping you off. We don't usually do house calls, but we may make an exception if you ask nicely.

[Thanks to everyone who sent this in]

[CUBSWILLWIN @ Mar 5th 2008 10:29PM]

this is funny!

[CUBSWILLWIN @ Mar 5th 2008 10:32PM]

saw it through another vid site tho. Anyone notice youtube's down for the past half hour. Something about flowplayer. This is eerie.

[YoMomma @ Mar 5th 2008 11:13PM]

youtube is under maintanance (typo?)

[SimonRichards @ Mar 5th 2008 11:39PM]

youtube's been having renaom outages for about a week... what can this mean?

[SimonRichards @ Mar 5th 2008 11:39PM]

*random

[wootman @ Mar 5th 2008 11:54PM]

yeah yomomma, you tube went under matienince at 7:00, i believe.

[Don Wilson @ Mar 6th 2008 12:27AM]

This is a really weird video but my god she is hot.

[John @ Mar 6th 2008 12:45AM]

until I saw this, I always said "eight-oh-two-point-one-one-en"


I never thought I'd live to see the day where Mariah Carey corrected my geek speak.

[Osiris @ Mar 6th 2008 1:36AM]

Correct?

Correct way mathematically would be 'eight-oh-two-point-one-one-en'
she obviously has no idea what she's saying and is playing the role of a marketing puppet.
Ignorant sorts that watch this will think 'wow if i get that new 'n' thing I can download my porn off Limewire even faster.

[Jordan @ Mar 6th 2008 2:40AM]

Netflix is under maintanance as well.

[Rafer @ Mar 5th 2008 10:32PM]

I am kinda confused... Also mildly aroused.

[rv @ Mar 5th 2008 11:49PM]

man she looks so hot in that pic even though shes getting up there in age..

[robothouse @ Mar 5th 2008 10:33PM]

I'm sorry...are we geeks supposed to be honored to be mentioned in a video with that nutjob?

[Saad Rabia @ Mar 5th 2008 11:01PM]

Yeah dude! Mariah loves us and she definitely knows that "online" is the future! I mean imagine the number of geeks (including me) who are going to talk about this clip all over the Internet for weeks to come!! Some will hate her and some will love her, but in both cases she has just got it spot on this time; well done Mariah or who ever got this idea.

[jeibummie @ Mar 7th 2008 6:49AM]

So.. geeks are supposed to think Mariah Carey is a "nutjob"?

[Mikeluisortega @ Mar 5th 2008 10:38PM]

If the guy is anything like the clowns are GeekSquad or Firedog, he installed remote access to her web cam and downloaded all her pics.

[Pacos @ Mar 5th 2008 10:40PM]

Totally repped for that comment!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahaha

[D. @ Mar 5th 2008 10:49PM]

Agreed! lol. I love Mariah, though :P.

[Mike D @ Mar 6th 2008 1:20AM]

honestly... in that case I wouldn't blame them.. WOW she's hot in that video but.. that was creepy

[Timmy @ Mar 6th 2008 9:12AM]

or taken control of her built in webcam so he can watch her while she dresses, sweet.

[Don Wilson @ Mar 6th 2008 8:59PM]

"clowns" aka genius 8)

[Neoprimal @ Mar 5th 2008 10:52PM]

Why would you think that was her referring to her alter ego Mimi?, he said plain and simple, you're M..Mariah Carey - aaahhheeeeoooo. So, it's Mariah as Mariah, not Mariah as Mimi. If you're going to rep non-tech news (because it references 802.11n and youtube and webcams), at least get it right damnit!

[Saad Rabia @ Mar 5th 2008 10:57PM]

Agreed!

[Juaquin @ Mar 5th 2008 11:05PM]

What?

[Saad Rabia @ Mar 5th 2008 11:21PM]

You want the truth Juaquin, I, for one, have no idea!

[michas_pi @ Mar 5th 2008 11:02PM]

Is he honestly looking at her face in that picture?

[Brendan Sheehan @ Mar 6th 2008 7:36AM]

Yeah he is, but I'm not.

[michas_pi @ Mar 6th 2008 11:28AM]

@Brendan Sheehan:

Same here; it took me five minutes to realize that there is someone else next to her.

[Tiffany @ Mar 5th 2008 11:06PM]

You mean musical artists still make videos? I thought those disappeared when MTV stopped playing them.

[takamaru @ Mar 5th 2008 11:17PM]

After watching this video all i could say was "What?!" Any song with youtube in the chorus is not just an epic fail it's a legen...wait for it....dary fail.

[PSU_Boss @ Mar 5th 2008 11:28PM]

"legen .. wait for it .. and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is .. dary"

[Arnob @ Mar 6th 2008 4:51PM]

barney is the shit

[Sy @ Mar 5th 2008 11:18PM]

I'll update Mariah to 802.11n in my own special way.

[Alex Padilla @ Mar 5th 2008 11:21PM]

I only have two things to say:

1. Regardless of her mental state, she's really freaking hot

2. Can't they use McBryer for anything else other than being a god-fearing, introverted nerd/geek who's afraid of female interaction? He's so talented.

[chainofcommand02 @ Mar 5th 2008 11:39PM]

Well between 30 Rock and Arrested Development, the two places I've seen him, Jack is letting himself get typecast as the nerd... Much like Summer Glau is always playing the waif-ish savior of all mankind (River in Firefly, Serenity and Cameron in Terminator: SCC)...

[AJ in the East Bay @ Mar 6th 2008 1:23AM]

@chainofcommand: Dude, I totally missed that Summer Glau was River! No wonder she looked so familiar...

[Montusama @ Mar 5th 2008 11:22PM]

I think I just died inside

[michas_pi @ Mar 6th 2008 1:07AM]

That was the weak part. You are now stronger.

[zunq @ Mar 5th 2008 11:24PM]

Hot damn. If it weren't for her singing talent, she'd be doing porn. Then the geeks could really have her.

[Mister A @ Mar 5th 2008 11:54PM]

I am confused, the video as hot as she looks (school uniform??) is confusing. I for one thought before and still now that its like a spoof video (obviously it isn't) but hey at least she is still alive.

[Reader @ Mar 6th 2008 12:05AM]

I'd fix her computer... if you know what I mean. Har har. (just surprised no one made a comment like this yet)

[Brendan Sheehan @ Mar 6th 2008 7:39AM]

You fix her computer while I fix her libido.

[frankXchange @ Mar 6th 2008 12:09AM]

By association, any product or service linked to Mariah Carey is likely to be perceived as whiny, temperamental, and expensive.

[rektide @ Mar 6th 2008 12:14AM]

the day I get broadband that outpaces 54g (or, fuck, b) is the day i let mariah stroke my sexy over intellectual geek bod

[Jack Hughes @ Mar 6th 2008 3:17PM]

I thought I was the only one who noticed that. Never mind that, I want that Internet connection!

[shoman24v @ Mar 6th 2008 12:17AM]

Who cares if youtube is down, Mariah Carey is on your screen and she's freaking hot.

[j @ Mar 6th 2008 12:22AM]

she makes my floppy disk turn into a hard drive

[TX30000 @ Mar 6th 2008 6:56AM]

Is it Solid State?

[John @ Mar 7th 2008 9:16PM]

I'd ping her so fast she'd call me T1

[Pavan @ Mar 6th 2008 12:33AM]

I'd N her 802.11... I'd stick my PCMCIA in her... etc