Mariah Carey demands 802.11n, Kenneth touch her body

We're not sure why Mariah Carey keeps putting nerdy dudes in her videos -- remember Jerry O'Connell showing up in Heartbreaker? (Don't ask how we knew that.) -- but her latest, Touch My Body, stars Jack McBrayer of 30 Rock fame, and takes it to the next dorktastic level. Not only do the lyrics reference YouTube (and terrifyingly, hunting you down if you so much as think about putting a certain type of video on it), but the video features Guitar Hero, laser tag, and Mimi requesting -- nay, demanding! -- to be upgraded to 802.11n WiFi because "... the download speed was killing me." We wish we were kidding. Mariah, look, we'll be honest -- CompuNerds are ripping you off. We don't usually do house calls, but we may make an exception if you ask nicely.

[Thanks to everyone who sent this in]

[Torpedo Vegas Posted Mar 6th 2008 12:35AM]

Nerdcore rap is where tech jokes should stay, I think. And its oh-so-funny...if you are a programmer/hacker/other nerd

[sitruc Posted Mar 6th 2008 12:40AM]

It's a cute video. It's nice to see somebody not take themselves and the video too seriously. MC looks good. She has slimmed down some.

[TheDave Posted Mar 6th 2008 12:41AM]

HILARIOUS!

[TheDave Posted Mar 6th 2008 12:42AM]

HILARIOUS!

[(Unverified) Posted Mar 6th 2008 12:53AM]

I'd RAM her motherboard.

[michaspi Posted Mar 6th 2008 1:09AM]

Best one.

You win an Internet.

[Paulmichael Posted Mar 6th 2008 12:56AM]

The song itself doesn't really tell a story like what is portrayed in this video. In the song, it sounds like she's just talking to your regular guy who's over for a "secret rendezvous." Which is why they have to add that intro/outro for it to make any sense. Mariah is looking pretty good though, and can anyone tell me where in the US of A can I get internet that makes 802.11G choke? Haha.

[(Unverified) Posted Mar 7th 2008 6:42AM]

Well, WIFI quality depends on a lot of factors, and upgrading to 11n can alleviate a few issues that affect the download speed. 11g certainly provides for more than enough bandwidth in its spec, but in the real world, you rarely get the highest spec performance.

[Paulmichael Posted Mar 7th 2008 10:09AM]

Sure, 802.11G CAN have quality issues, but then when you run DD-WRT on a Linksys router and up the Xmit value, those issues kinda disappear into the next block. :D

[(Unverified) Posted Mar 26th 2008 2:23AM]

I've thought this over and I've decided that 802.11g limits her speed because she's supposed to be a multimillionaire nerd.
Thus, the obvious answer is that she has her own T3 line.

[(Unverified) Posted Mar 6th 2008 12:59AM]

I'd like to unzip her archive!

(oh what have we become?)

[IndiaTech Posted Mar 6th 2008 1:26AM]

Top that Veronica Belmont!

Oops... Sorry Ryan...

[aubreyq Posted Mar 6th 2008 1:28AM]

Come on, dude. Different leagues, plus Veronica's a real geek and Mariah has no freakin' clue what 802.11n really is.

[aubreyq Posted Mar 6th 2008 1:27AM]

I wonder how many takes they needed for her to rattle "802.11n"?

And if she is complaining about "downloads", she should be looking at her ISP connection and not her LAN speed. Finally, all reviews I've read about 802.11n have it barely faster than 802.11g, although it will eventually get better.

[(Unverified) Posted Mar 6th 2008 1:32AM]

Damn! Damn! She is looking good. Plus the video is pretty freaking funny! Great post.

[(Unverified) Posted Mar 6th 2008 3:53AM]

Maybe she meant to increase her wireless range, my colleauges have told me 802.11n has longer wireless range than a standard g router.

[(Unverified) Posted Mar 6th 2008 4:21AM]

Damn! I've got drool all over my keyboard!

[billy5000 Posted Mar 6th 2008 1:47AM]

Holy fucking shit that is the worst song I have ever heard in my god damn life.

[ack154 Posted Mar 6th 2008 7:48AM]

Wait... there was a song in that?

[(Unverified) Posted Mar 7th 2008 6:43AM]

Overdramatic much?

[(Unverified) Posted Mar 6th 2008 2:01AM]

it's the first time mariah Carey appears in a video with some humor, this is really really funny. Jack McBrayer and the unicorn is geeky-cool.

btw, she's a (sexy) mac...

[Hardcore1 Posted Mar 6th 2008 2:41AM]

SKANK

[michaspi Posted Mar 6th 2008 11:29AM]

Fuckin' skanks

Fuckin' skanks

Skanks

Skanks

Skanks

[jbond Posted Mar 6th 2008 2:59AM]

Ageing female music stars getting their kit off is scaring me. Please stop.

[(Unverified) Posted Mar 6th 2008 3:10AM]

what do women do with all the crushes wet themselves always at the right time everytime

[kompakter Posted Mar 6th 2008 8:51AM]

lol...what?

[JWolf Posted Mar 6th 2008 1:14PM]

English?

[ack154 Posted Mar 6th 2008 7:47AM]

Good god... I'm pretty sure she actually gets hotter with age.

[MacroEQ Posted Mar 6th 2008 9:42AM]

I didn't recognise Mariah Carey with so many clothes on.

[OneLove Posted Mar 6th 2008 1:13PM]

crazy skank

[(Unverified) Posted Mar 7th 2008 6:44AM]

LAN != WLAN

[(Unverified) Posted Mar 7th 2008 6:45AM]

LAN != WLAN

[(Unverified) Posted Mar 8th 2008 3:00AM]

Technology and Mariah, awesome! I'm your #1 fan Mariah! Geeks of the world unite!

[(Unverified) Posted Mar 11th 2008 1:18AM]

Wtf... You Frekin Geeks Are LAME>.. Get A F****N LIfe...DORKS>!! Well Wut EV... MIMI RULES! And SHE ALWAYS WILL!!!! BTW .. Its Just a Video SO F****N Get over the fact that many of You Would Try TO COrrect Her..And WHo Said MC is An A+ GEEK Certified?

[(Unverified) Posted Mar 13th 2008 10:20AM]

Mariah is back, I am releived, I was concerned about her mental health.

[(Unverified) Posted Apr 29th 2008 6:35PM]

I am not a fan of Mariah..what the hell make her think she can act now, when she couldn't then?? She thinks she's that bad that she's gonna have HIT'S everytime she performs...Whitney, it's time time to show her whose Boss and Alicia, I commend you!!!!!!

[(Unverified) Posted Apr 29th 2008 6:19PM]

"birds of a Feather Flock together"