Caption contest: Chinese S.W.A.T. team caught ridin' dirty... on Segways
By Joshua Topolsky 
posted July 1st 2008 4:58PM
posted July 1st 2008 4:58PM
Look, protecting the world from the terror of Jihadists is serious business -- which is why we're not sure that rolling up on a Segway is the best way to get the Axis of Evil to drop its weapon / bomb / fanatic mindset... still, Jackie Chan will be psyched. Our suggestion? the electric unicycle.
Josh T: "Stop! Step out of the vehicle and agree to be my friend."
Don: "Don't make me lean forward and come over there."
Chris: "Do it... do it now! Get to the human transportah!"
Josh F: "Snake? Snake?! SNAAAAAKE!"
Ryan: "Watch yourself, Frank, we're dealing with professionals. They've got a... car."
Darren: "So, um, is it safe to back away from this vehicle?"
Richard: "Yes, this would be more intimidating from a Humvee, but y'know, gas prices these days..."
Nilay: "Put the Roomba down!"
Thomas: "Quit calling me Ginger, I'm a day walker!"
[Thanks, Mike]
hooray! none of those even made me smile
(single clap)
they see me rollin, they hatin...
Now we can beat down protesters in Tibet even quicker!!!
Once the Rush Hour 4 production photos hit the internet, Jackie Chan realized he shouldn't have inked a deal with Segway for product placement.
"To the batmo... err... Segways."
Ryan's made me laugh, and Thomas gets points for the South Park reference.
"North Korean 'Robocop' project trials prove inconclusive as police are foiled by parked car".
...Ninja egg-and-spoon race ruined by careless parking...
add on a toilette and this would have everything i need.
RC Segways make for IRL rail shooters!
How will they strafe?
I smell a new Counterstrike mod coming up..
are those knockoff segways?????
"...Headquarters this is unit seven, we have the terror suspects in sight...as long as they don't break into a brisk walk, we've got them...Over."
Is this serious?Like really serious?
....
Well, the criminal don't a have a chance, they'll be laughing too hard to be abble to run anyway.
Marcela, the strategy is obvious. They take you down with purely unadulterated bewilderment. Honestly though, if I the S.W.A.T. team came up to me in Segways it'd slow my reaction time down at least a second or two.
(sniff) I'm sorry, I'm laughing too hard imagining these guys trying to keep still when their balance gets thrown off by the recoil...or if they need to duck for any reason...
Shoot and the segway will notice you leaning back and go into reverse!
If you lean back too much you just fall on your ass!
Sideways shuffle need not apply.
Really guys, these pistols don't give off that much recoil, other guns would be a slightly different matter though and when the Segway's rolling back it's going to be tricking lining up your next shot.
ROFL at this all though :D.
"Command, this is Alpha 2, we're in hot pursuit of the suspect, he's on foot....wait, he stopped running, I can't steer away!. Man down! Man down!"
kitchen clear!!
studio clear!!
upstairs... in a minute.. puff puff
"This is really killer on my back and knees!"
Stop or I'll scoot!
"What was that dork comment again?"
Steady!!!....STEADY!!!..... Steady Damn it!!!!
" I can ride my Segway with no handlebars, no handlebars, no handlebars"
who sings this song?? obviously i'm talking about the original, I've been trying to find it for a while now!
The Flobots
Ever hear of search engines? Quite the novelty here in 2008!
The Flobots
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuK2A1ZqoWs
LOL
This lets us Americans know that we're not the only lazy ones.
Great not only are ninja's using guns now, but they're also rollin on segways. We're all doomed!
front sight, squeeze the trigger... WHOA I TIPPED FORWARD!!!!!!
"Pffffft Chips can't hold a candle to us! the Segway Wok Attack Team! now lets get those damn protesters!"
I just want to see them do a PIT on a hover-round.
Richard, you're soo full of win.
LOL--well, I did not actually laugh out loud, but I came pretty damn close. I definitely smirked.
"hmm, he's holding a hostage at gunpoint...I have a shot...there is a narrow opening...I sure hope this has the updated software patch [v14.2] to prevent sudden thursts"
God forbid you'd suddenly want a drink while handling a hostage situation.
More like "protecting the world from what its citizens have to say about their lack of rights."
The uniform says "armed police". Would their commanding officer be named Capt. Obvious?
Not all Chinese police are armed; a regular uniformed 警察 would not necessarily be carrying a weapon. 武警 sometimes also have a paramilitary function.
And speaking of Capt. Obvious...
"As the swat team closes in, they find themselves unable to approach any closer due to the strictly enforced sidewalk ban"
+2 internets
This would be way more amusing if they used Samuri Swords.
I can just imagine all the people who signed up for chinese special police forces thinking it'd be the coolest thing in the world...
...and be told that's their transport.
What would make this pic better is if these guys were overweight, were balding and had unwashed ponytails. Oh yeah, and a comic book stash or D&D book in the back pocket.
"Halt, evil-doer, or I shall unleash my hit-points upon you!"
What? You can't say that, you changed everything about it.
Thats like saying, "This tricycle would be able to orbit Mars if we tore it down and added thermal shielded ceramic tiles, a cargo bay, stage 2 solid rocket boosters, main engines, the crew cabin, and an external tank with a capacity of 500,000 gallons of liquid oxygen and hydrogen."
Jackie Chan is the dealer for Segway in Asia.
http://www.jackiechan.com/news_view?cid=290
That's already mentioned in the article, but thanks anyway.
"Hey Chan, I think my battery is dead."
"Hop onto mine then, Lee."