California man sues Motorola, Samsung over death rays

We hate it how every cellphone we ever use seems to induce sudden hearing loss in our right ear, vertigo, and loss of equilibrium, among a host of other malaises, and we've always wished someone would stand up, take a stand, and finally stick it to the man. Well, that courageous soul has finally come out of the woodwork, and his name is Michael R. Bennett of California. He claims to be suffering from all sorts of mysterious problems stemming from his use of a Moto and Sammy, which he says were improperly and unsafely designed -- a fact that the companies then tried to cover up. If you want to call the Alexander "improperly designed," we wouldn't disagree, but we don't think that's where this guy is going with this lawsuit, which also names his carrier T-Mobile as a defendant for good measure. We'll anxiously be awaiting the result of this one while yakking it up on our Sidekicks and wallowing in a vertigo-induced stupor on the floor here. Seriously, don't mind us.