Vladimir Putin finally acquires satellite collar for his dog

Just under a year ago, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin announced his hopes that one day he could pinpoint the location of his black Labrador, Koni, at any time of the day. Today, a dream has been realized. Mr. Putin has finally procured a satellite collar that will enable him to track the lab regardless of which of the eleven times zones she may be in while waltzing through Russia. Once the collar was slipped on, Deputy Prime Minister Sergei Ivanov immediately said "she looks sad, her free life is over." Putin didn't miss a beat when snapping back: "In Soviet Russia, GLONASS track you!"

[Image courtesy of Picasa, thanks MJ]

[James @ Oct 18th 2008 2:57AM]

Next, satellite collars for all citizens of Russia.

[lowdef @ Oct 18th 2008 3:15AM]

hey why not? they are already regressing into soviet russia once again...

[Dave Chappelle @ Oct 18th 2008 6:23AM]

"they are already regressing into soviet russia once again"

lol good for them. regardless before they ever become a danger the U.S will do what it does best and run more 'Russia is secretly directly or indirectly responsible for EVERY SINGLE terrorist attack in the world' and once again the majority of idiots will go..
"OH NOES VOTE REPUBLICAN LETS SEND SPY DRONES ALL AROUND RUSSIA AGAIN AND FORCEFULLY PROMOTE A COLD WAR"

We need another super power US hegemony is terrible.

[Ghen @ Oct 18th 2008 6:43AM]

Like I'm going to listen to someone who leaves the country and cancels a multimillion dollar TV show just because he got some bad weed.

[allislost @ Oct 18th 2008 8:10AM]

Vladimir Putin, putin the Vlad in Vladimir Putin!

[Grey Acumen @ Oct 18th 2008 8:55AM]

@ Dave - Yeah, US Hedgemony sucks ass, cause it's all "USA Sucks" until somebody else from some other country starts blowing shit up and we're the only ones who'll do jack shit about it.
Then everyone is all "Yay America! That's right! Action needs taken now! Go get em! We're totally behind you! We'll have this war over in 12 months, even though no real war has ever been that short and this a war on people who use guerrilla tactics, don't care about the innocent civilians living in the same area they do, and don't wear uniforms so you can identify them until after they're already shooting at you. You can handle the "risking life and limb" part, while we constantly refer to this as a war on "insert country here" so we sound like an invading force trying to take over, even though we're only after the terrorists. We'll also compare everything you do to a failed war, run every story we can find about unfounded rumors of the military killing and raping foreign citizens and generally criticize your every move so the other guys can use it for their recruitment ads to keep fighting and know what type of propaganda to make in their fake videos, and when it's time to check for the WMDs, we'll announce it all over the news for 6 months in advance, cause that totally won't be enough time to hide/move/destroy them. Then when we don't find anything, we'll harp on it endlessly and use it as proof that the president is to blame and compare him to hitler. Wow! We're helping!"

[Anthony @ Oct 18th 2008 11:12AM]

@ Grey Acumen

That post, was amazing. Do you mind if I use it on my friends? lol I need something good to shut them up everytime they bring up Bush and the Iraq war.

[Valicore @ Oct 18th 2008 11:58AM]

Gray:

I love how everyone is like "Iraq sucks we did all this shit for them so they could be liberated and now they don't wanna give us their oil to pay for our occupation."

My argument is this: If the most powerful countries in the world (US not included, obviously) decided that Bush was a fuckin' wacko terrorist president and America needed to be liberated from the Christian radicals, came and blew up all our shit killing thousands of civilians in the process like... your wife your daughter your mom your brother, then came to you and said, "So we can keep order in a country where we created disorder and now forcefully occupy, we want you to start paying us and giving us all of your oil from the gulf coast to alleviate high gas prices in western europe and China," you'd be pretty pissed too.

However, Vladimir Putin is wacko imnsho, and I am kinda scared of him.

[Grey Acumen @ Oct 18th 2008 1:03PM]

Valicore would have more of a point if we ever asked for their oil.

Hell, we've got more than enough of our own, you want it? Go right ahead, but you won't just have to deal with the military, you'll have to deal with the environmentalists. They're the only reason we aren't drilling on our own turf, even though it'll seep up out of the ground and into the water, polluting it naturally.

and I'd also refute your other point, but you honestly seem to believe that there's no difference between fighting and fighting back. After all, it takes two people to have a fight, right? yeah, but it only takes one person to beat up someone who isn't fighting back and then hide behind someone else so that if they do try to fight back, it becomes inconvenient for everyone else, despite the fact that nobody else is doing crap about it.

[Konstantin @ Oct 18th 2008 1:59PM]

Its spelled GLADos right, not GLONASS?

[Valicore @ Oct 18th 2008 2:53PM]

Great, so you propose we spend the money to drill now for 3% of the worlds oil when we use 25% percent? Not to mention we wont see anything coming off of that drilling for 10 years minimum. And we did start a fight, we started the fight with Iraq, we never finished the war with Afghanistan (which by the way was only able to attack us because we gave them weapons and training in the 80s so they could fight off the soviets, then left when we were done using them). Meddling in other countries business is our specialty: Sure, Pakistan can have nuclear weapons, but not Iran? If we really wanted to solve the problem of power shortages in Iran then we would lift some embargoes so that Iran could build refineries to use their own oil instead of exporting it and having to buy the refined petroleum products from other countries. If we don't want them to have nuclear power stations, then we have to give them an alternative. Just because America has the power to destroy doesn't mean it should. Think about it, we're spending billions of dollars a month on a war when more than 10 percent of people in the US live below the poverty line. Where in the hell is Osama Bin Laden? Where is the troop surge for Afghanistan to help them? THINK about it!

[mike @ Oct 18th 2008 2:59PM]

@grey

"run every story we can find about unfounded rumors of the military killing and raping foreign citizens"

And what about the thousands of proven cases.....

[chris @ Oct 18th 2008 9:16PM]

Mr. Putin is a super funny guy indeed:
http://9gag.com/entry/728/

[epignosis @ Oct 18th 2008 2:58AM]

Stop the animal experimentation!!!, you can start putting it on the people in your country, without trying it on dogs first... But maybe the people can be tracked by their cellphones, so now all he's missing is animals' tracking.

[Aguiluz @ Oct 18th 2008 3:06AM]

Seriously, Animal Experimentation?

He just wants to keep tabs on his pet dog. It's for the pet's protection. No "experimentation" on that.

[wootman @ Oct 18th 2008 3:16AM]

wat

[James @ Oct 18th 2008 3:27AM]

I wouldn't mind having one on my dog. That thing wonders jumps the fence every other day.

[OneLove @ Oct 20th 2008 10:57AM]

Use dog collar to send homing beacon to missile. ;)

[Y00. @ Oct 18th 2008 3:00AM]

But they gave us Tetris.

[Johan S @ Oct 18th 2008 3:04AM]

Wasn't there a time when people used their dogs to track stuff?

Like, say today.

[Colin Potter @ Oct 18th 2008 3:52AM]

Now people use stuff to track their dogs... what a unique role reversal... the tracker becomes the tracked.

[Grey Acumen @ Oct 18th 2008 9:00AM]

In soviet russia collar dogs tracker!

er, wait...

In soviet russia tracker dogs collar!

no... um...

In soviet russia.... ah screw it, gimme a vodka, in soviet russia, it swallows me!

[initialxy @ Oct 18th 2008 10:04AM]

good point, he just needs another dog to track this dog.

[Decoy @ Oct 19th 2008 7:55PM]

Get out of here Stalker.

[Wwhat @ Oct 19th 2008 11:48PM]

Dog needs to be trained to track him, case solved.

[Flashpoint @ Oct 18th 2008 3:09AM]

IN SOVIET RUSSIA...DOG COLLARS YOU !

[Australia @ Oct 18th 2008 6:05AM]

Well evidently not... RTFA

[puhsitch @ Oct 18th 2008 11:48AM]

Collar dogs you?

[Flashpoint @ Oct 18th 2008 3:10AM]

Seriously...I've seen numerous movies where dogs left behind by their owners track them down from long distances.

And by the way, isn't this collar a violation of the dog's civil rights?

[wootman @ Oct 18th 2008 3:16AM]

nope.
I think its more so the owner can find the dog rather than vice versa.

[James @ Oct 18th 2008 3:29AM]

Civil right in Russia??? Your rights are what Putin allows you to do.

[armyjon99 @ Oct 18th 2008 10:25AM]

Life isnt a bunch of movies.Yes dogs do have the ablity to come back home but only when they have smells to lead them there, otherwise they get lost. But major overhauls of pet returning home in today's world just are not possible, unless someone can prove it to me.

[Simon @ Oct 18th 2008 10:33AM]

I've seen movies where aliens invade the earth and I've seen movies where american soldiers kill for justice, not for money and power. So don't belive what you see in movies ...

Though, dogs actually are pretty good at tracking, especially their loved ones.

[CJ @ Oct 19th 2008 6:03AM]

Yeah, but I doubt this particular dog is A) A cute blonde retriever pup, b) has a personal voice actor, or c) a wise cracking bird/cat/fish/little girl to help him along.

[lowdef @ Oct 18th 2008 3:12AM]

damn flashpoint. you beat me to it.

[Giroro @ Oct 18th 2008 3:38AM]

"a K, a G, and a B"

run little doggie, while you still can.

[The Dude @ Oct 18th 2008 1:19PM]

They just better make sure Putin's dog doesn't rear his head into Alaska or there will be hell to pay.

http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/4205/putinrearshisheadkg0.jpg

[lowdef @ Oct 18th 2008 6:33PM]

might get shot by palin in a helicopter...

[Cunthor @ Oct 18th 2008 3:39AM]

Where do I get one? I need two for my children.

[MastrCake @ Oct 18th 2008 3:47AM]

It's called a leash, buddy.

[Colin Potter @ Oct 18th 2008 3:54AM]

I once had a teenage mother ask me at my work if I knew where she could get child leashes... when I laughed she glared and told me she wasn't kidding.

[MyHeadisFed @ Oct 18th 2008 4:27AM]

I wore a leash as a child. It's the only way my mom could stop me from playing hide and seek in department stores until I was about 6. ADHD is fun =P

[Ghen @ Oct 18th 2008 6:46AM]

I played hide and seek in department stores and yet still managed to live until 28

[Jesse S @ Oct 18th 2008 7:17AM]

That's not ADHD. That's childhood curiosity. I used to do it all the time when I was a kid.

[Reader @ Oct 18th 2008 7:44AM]

Your parents do you the favor of getting you hooked on amphetamines because they couldn't control you?

[Silvio @ Oct 18th 2008 2:00PM]

Is this what you want?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B62G6yDkHD8

[Natia @ Oct 19th 2008 5:22AM]

I hope bastard Putin gets electric shock while experimenting with his dog and dies right on the spot! There will be one less Evil in this world. I'm sure even Koni the dog will be happy about it.

[oZ @ Oct 18th 2008 11:07AM]

Putin is evil? When the hell did that happen? Putin managed to pull Russia out of the rut it was in after Yeltsin, get respect for Russia, build a strong economy, and push Russia toward self-reliance again. Just because the US says he's evil doesn't make him evil, he just isn't going to lockstep with everything the US does.

[Konstantin @ Oct 18th 2008 3:56AM]

Hooray for our glorious overlord! His vision knows no bounds!!!

[Konstantin @ Oct 18th 2008 4:02AM]

Guys, have you read the source article:

"The government has promised to make GLONASS, initially designed for use by the Russian military, available for broad civilian public."

That can be seriously misconstrued...