Vladimir Putin finally acquires satellite collar for his dog
Just under a year ago, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin announced his hopes that one day he could pinpoint the location of his black Labrador, Koni, at any time of the day. Today, a dream has been realized. Mr. Putin has finally procured a satellite collar that will enable him to track the lab regardless of which of the eleven times zones she may be in while waltzing through Russia. Once the collar was slipped on, Deputy Prime Minister Sergei Ivanov immediately said "she looks sad, her free life is over." Putin didn't miss a beat when snapping back: "In Soviet Russia, GLONASS track you!"
[Image courtesy of Picasa, thanks MJ]
[Image courtesy of Picasa, thanks MJ]


















Next, satellite collars for all citizens of Russia.
hey why not? they are already regressing into soviet russia once again...
"they are already regressing into soviet russia once again"
lol good for them. regardless before they ever become a danger the U.S will do what it does best and run more 'Russia is secretly directly or indirectly responsible for EVERY SINGLE terrorist attack in the world' and once again the majority of idiots will go..
"OH NOES VOTE REPUBLICAN LETS SEND SPY DRONES ALL AROUND RUSSIA AGAIN AND FORCEFULLY PROMOTE A COLD WAR"
We need another super power US hegemony is terrible.
Like I'm going to listen to someone who leaves the country and cancels a multimillion dollar TV show just because he got some bad weed.
Vladimir Putin, putin the Vlad in Vladimir Putin!
@ Dave - Yeah, US Hedgemony sucks ass, cause it's all "USA Sucks" until somebody else from some other country starts blowing shit up and we're the only ones who'll do jack shit about it.
Then everyone is all "Yay America! That's right! Action needs taken now! Go get em! We're totally behind you! We'll have this war over in 12 months, even though no real war has ever been that short and this a war on people who use guerrilla tactics, don't care about the innocent civilians living in the same area they do, and don't wear uniforms so you can identify them until after they're already shooting at you. You can handle the "risking life and limb" part, while we constantly refer to this as a war on "insert country here" so we sound like an invading force trying to take over, even though we're only after the terrorists. We'll also compare everything you do to a failed war, run every story we can find about unfounded rumors of the military killing and raping foreign citizens and generally criticize your every move so the other guys can use it for their recruitment ads to keep fighting and know what type of propaganda to make in their fake videos, and when it's time to check for the WMDs, we'll announce it all over the news for 6 months in advance, cause that totally won't be enough time to hide/move/destroy them. Then when we don't find anything, we'll harp on it endlessly and use it as proof that the president is to blame and compare him to hitler. Wow! We're helping!"
@ Grey Acumen
That post, was amazing. Do you mind if I use it on my friends? lol I need something good to shut them up everytime they bring up Bush and the Iraq war.
Gray:
I love how everyone is like "Iraq sucks we did all this shit for them so they could be liberated and now they don't wanna give us their oil to pay for our occupation."
My argument is this: If the most powerful countries in the world (US not included, obviously) decided that Bush was a fuckin' wacko terrorist president and America needed to be liberated from the Christian radicals, came and blew up all our shit killing thousands of civilians in the process like... your wife your daughter your mom your brother, then came to you and said, "So we can keep order in a country where we created disorder and now forcefully occupy, we want you to start paying us and giving us all of your oil from the gulf coast to alleviate high gas prices in western europe and China," you'd be pretty pissed too.
However, Vladimir Putin is wacko imnsho, and I am kinda scared of him.
Valicore would have more of a point if we ever asked for their oil.
Hell, we've got more than enough of our own, you want it? Go right ahead, but you won't just have to deal with the military, you'll have to deal with the environmentalists. They're the only reason we aren't drilling on our own turf, even though it'll seep up out of the ground and into the water, polluting it naturally.
and I'd also refute your other point, but you honestly seem to believe that there's no difference between fighting and fighting back. After all, it takes two people to have a fight, right? yeah, but it only takes one person to beat up someone who isn't fighting back and then hide behind someone else so that if they do try to fight back, it becomes inconvenient for everyone else, despite the fact that nobody else is doing crap about it.
Its spelled GLADos right, not GLONASS?
Great, so you propose we spend the money to drill now for 3% of the worlds oil when we use 25% percent? Not to mention we wont see anything coming off of that drilling for 10 years minimum. And we did start a fight, we started the fight with Iraq, we never finished the war with Afghanistan (which by the way was only able to attack us because we gave them weapons and training in the 80s so they could fight off the soviets, then left when we were done using them). Meddling in other countries business is our specialty: Sure, Pakistan can have nuclear weapons, but not Iran? If we really wanted to solve the problem of power shortages in Iran then we would lift some embargoes so that Iran could build refineries to use their own oil instead of exporting it and having to buy the refined petroleum products from other countries. If we don't want them to have nuclear power stations, then we have to give them an alternative. Just because America has the power to destroy doesn't mean it should. Think about it, we're spending billions of dollars a month on a war when more than 10 percent of people in the US live below the poverty line. Where in the hell is Osama Bin Laden? Where is the troop surge for Afghanistan to help them? THINK about it!
@grey
"run every story we can find about unfounded rumors of the military killing and raping foreign citizens"
And what about the thousands of proven cases.....
Mr. Putin is a super funny guy indeed:
http://9gag.com/entry/728/
Stop the animal experimentation!!!, you can start putting it on the people in your country, without trying it on dogs first... But maybe the people can be tracked by their cellphones, so now all he's missing is animals' tracking.
Seriously, Animal Experimentation?
He just wants to keep tabs on his pet dog. It's for the pet's protection. No "experimentation" on that.
wat
I wouldn't mind having one on my dog. That thing wonders jumps the fence every other day.
Use dog collar to send homing beacon to missile. ;)
But they gave us Tetris.
Wasn't there a time when people used their dogs to track stuff?
Like, say today.
Now people use stuff to track their dogs... what a unique role reversal... the tracker becomes the tracked.
In soviet russia collar dogs tracker!
er, wait...
In soviet russia tracker dogs collar!
no... um...
In soviet russia.... ah screw it, gimme a vodka, in soviet russia, it swallows me!
good point, he just needs another dog to track this dog.
Get out of here Stalker.
Dog needs to be trained to track him, case solved.
IN SOVIET RUSSIA...DOG COLLARS YOU !
Well evidently not... RTFA
Collar dogs you?
Seriously...I've seen numerous movies where dogs left behind by their owners track them down from long distances.
And by the way, isn't this collar a violation of the dog's civil rights?
nope.
I think its more so the owner can find the dog rather than vice versa.
Civil right in Russia??? Your rights are what Putin allows you to do.
Life isnt a bunch of movies.Yes dogs do have the ablity to come back home but only when they have smells to lead them there, otherwise they get lost. But major overhauls of pet returning home in today's world just are not possible, unless someone can prove it to me.
I've seen movies where aliens invade the earth and I've seen movies where american soldiers kill for justice, not for money and power. So don't belive what you see in movies ...
Though, dogs actually are pretty good at tracking, especially their loved ones.
Yeah, but I doubt this particular dog is A) A cute blonde retriever pup, b) has a personal voice actor, or c) a wise cracking bird/cat/fish/little girl to help him along.
damn flashpoint. you beat me to it.
"a K, a G, and a B"
run little doggie, while you still can.
They just better make sure Putin's dog doesn't rear his head into Alaska or there will be hell to pay.
http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/4205/putinrearshisheadkg0.jpg
might get shot by palin in a helicopter...
Where do I get one? I need two for my children.
It's called a leash, buddy.
I once had a teenage mother ask me at my work if I knew where she could get child leashes... when I laughed she glared and told me she wasn't kidding.
I wore a leash as a child. It's the only way my mom could stop me from playing hide and seek in department stores until I was about 6. ADHD is fun =P
I played hide and seek in department stores and yet still managed to live until 28
That's not ADHD. That's childhood curiosity. I used to do it all the time when I was a kid.
Your parents do you the favor of getting you hooked on amphetamines because they couldn't control you?
Is this what you want?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B62G6yDkHD8
I hope bastard Putin gets electric shock while experimenting with his dog and dies right on the spot! There will be one less Evil in this world. I'm sure even Koni the dog will be happy about it.
Putin is evil? When the hell did that happen? Putin managed to pull Russia out of the rut it was in after Yeltsin, get respect for Russia, build a strong economy, and push Russia toward self-reliance again. Just because the US says he's evil doesn't make him evil, he just isn't going to lockstep with everything the US does.
Hooray for our glorious overlord! His vision knows no bounds!!!
Guys, have you read the source article:
"The government has promised to make GLONASS, initially designed for use by the Russian military, available for broad civilian public."
That can be seriously misconstrued...
Vladimir....that's the brand of vodka that is currently giving me a hangover while drunk...its not a great feeling. Only the finest liquor is made in Baltimore, MD LOL.
What a brilliant idea. No more rewards to be given out for lost dogs. Wait, maybe thats not such a great idea.
My dogs a Jack Russel anyway, she doesn't run away too far.
Hehe, my dogs a Jack Russel too, and while he won't run away, he'll find an animal hole somewhere and sit by it for hours.. trust me. Once a raccoon snuck under our house, about three years ago, and to this day the first thing he does every morning is check the spot where it was...
11 time zones? That's ridiculous, that's not even funny.
It's, uhm, correct?
Well... just... thanks for the good thoughts.
Sorry, I was just making an inside joke reference to the Negativland "Time Zones" video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhXOrCoSnLs
fucker
im sure mr. "tutinputin" will have kick releasing the hounds in Call of Duty:WaW
will anyone else sleep better tonight knowing that there is one less fat black lab running around without his location exactly known by his owner?
Also, tell me this isn't some test for the whole Russian population......
http://badgerhairshavingbrush.com
Having read the full story days ago, Engadgeds blog post about it is...actually it's not really even funny.
Did you even state that GLONASS is now fully operational again within Russia? Something it hasn't been in quite a few years?
"The people look sad, their free lives are over"
"Look, they're shedding tears of joy for their country. They like it."
He got a collar for Medvedev? Oh wait... that's Putin's bitch!
In capitalist America, dog collars you.
The Scottish Terrier and Dog News has reported extensively on Vladimir Putin and his dogs including a secret poodle. Last year we revealed photos of the lap dog that created a sensation in Russia. Bad Vlad keeps it hidden because it''s not as macho as Koni, his lab. He believes real men should have big dogs.
The Soviet Russia quote is good, but is it real? I can find no backup to this on the web. I really truly hope it is not made up. please advise source of quote. Graham
Unfortunately it is not. If you look at the source article, it shows Putin's real response, which was much less entertaining.
As if the dog doesn't already have the equivalent of a SWAT team following it everywhere...
What..? Why is everyone so negative about a collar for a dog just so he can always be found?
Nearly all dogs wear A collar, do you really think a dog cares/knows about it having a microchip or not?
I know many many people who would like to have a chip in their dog's collar so it can be easily tracked down with GPS, when the dog gets lost or something.
Oh wait, is it because it's Putin's dog?
Ah, the US, land of the free...
In the US, 2,5 million people are in prison. That's more than in Russia AND China TOGETHER. Hm. Land of the free.
In the land of the free you get sentenced into prison for 50 years because you stole nine videotapes with Disney movies.
The 'land of the free' phrase should be banned. before it gets used by even more ignorant morons than it already is.
links/sources for your stats please, or are you just making shit up?
References? Ok, here you go...
"In 2006, over 7.2 million people were on probation, in jail or prison, or on parole at yearend 2006 -- 3.2% of all U.S. adult residents or 1 in every 31 adults.
State and federal prison authorities had jurisdiction over 1,595,034 inmates at midyear 2007: 1,395,916 in state jurisdiction and 199,118 in federal jurisdiction."
- U.S. Department of Justice. http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/correct.htm (Scared yet?)
And:
"In absolute terms, the United States currently has the largest inmate population in the world, with more than 2½ million[8] or more than one in a hundred adults[9] in prison and jails. Although the United States represents less than 5% of the world's population, over 25% of the people incarcerated around the world are housed in the American prison system. (...) In 2002, both Russia and China also had prison populations in excess of 1 million.[10] By October 2006, the Russian prison population declined to 869,814 which translated into 611 prisoners per 100,000 population. As a percentage of total population, the United States also has the largest imprisoned population, with 739 people per 100,000 serving time, awaiting trial or otherwise detained."
- With a shitload of references; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imprisoned .
The guy that got sentenced for 25 to LIFE because he stole nine videotapes, including Free Willy and Snow White;
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/10/28/60II/main527248.shtml
(That's just one of the many ridiculous cases like that...)
Happy? Can we agree that the US is no different, if not - worse - than Russia concerning 'freedom'?
You betcha?
Wink.
Wow. Welcome to the 21st century you Commie Bastards.
Funny, I could have bought one off of Cabela's for a couple of years now. Same thing. Collar on dog, sends coordinates to a hand-held gps unit.
What will those Russians think of next. Who'd of thought, space rockets in space to aid in navigation.
Putin is a dog chauvinist. He makes a big fuss of his lab while keeping a secret mini poodle called Tosya. When the secret photos of Putin and his poodle were released last year it cause a stir in Russia.
Tosya like Тося? If you have a link to the article russian or english I'd love to read about it lol.
I believe Putin's "poodle's" name is DIMA!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dmitry_Medvedev
Sorry no such article in Russian, why:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_journalists_killed_in_Russia
Hey, guys, I'm Russian and I live in Moscow... so what, mr. Putin did a lot for our country, both good and bad. Only after a century or about we'll be able to really understand the effects.
But GLONASS... when people here mostly use GPS and only some heard of national GLONASS navigaton system, what does it mean? Not only huge lack of promotion but also lack of standardisation...
And for 11 time zones: it's real, boy, and it's funny when I call friends and they just woke up 'in tomorrow' and i'm gonna sleep 'in today' :D My native region (Volgograd, or Stalingrad during WWII) is bigger than Belgium... he-he :D
Stalingrad during WW2 is now St. Petersburg..... What did you smoke.....
In soviet russia satellites adquire Putin.
Say what you want about the guy, a dog lover can't be all bad.
Like Hitler.
lol
Godwin's Law!
"As [an internet] discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwins_law
wah ha hah haaaaa!
Thanks Emgadget for breaking out the "In Soviet Russia, noun verbs YOU!" at every opportunity. It makes me feel alright.
@Oz, Putin became evil on a big scale when he became a dictator of Russia. When he killed democracy, when he start killing journalists and human rights advocates. He became evil when he robbed Russia and put 70 billion dollars in his big pocket. He became evil when he put dissidents in jail. He became evil when he brought tortures of his own people back. Russi doesn't have a strong economy. Never did. Rich Russia is just in Moscow, everything else is in a deep shit. And it didn't happen just now, but I'm talking about at least 2 years. Putin is a cold killer KGB-ist. Always was and always will be. As someone said it right - you can't be a dictator as Stalin and at the same time living your life like oligarch. It's one or another. And you can't be accepted in civilized world if you are dictator like Putin. The whole world can't be blind, Oz, huh?
And you became dumb when you started swallowing large quantities of propaganda.
It is more about it to read here http://gps-club.ru/gps_think/detail.php?ID=22847
and here http://gps-club.ru/gps_think/detail.php?ID=23039
the guy looks like a gangster with those shiny suits that he wears.
In the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center, cake bake you!
Same type of collar used in the beginning of the Running Man with Arnold. Dog only gets to run away once.