The solid gold Vertu Boucheron 150 makes us hate humanity

You know how you can tell that this is a "luxury" phone? It looks like it was shaped by an overly taut sphincter. The Vertu Boucheron 150 is made from "solid gold" and is meant to celebrate the 150th anniversary of the Boucheron jewelry house in Paris. According to the designer, it took 1,000 hours to cut into shape, 700 hours to hand polish, and more than 500 hours to build. Funny, it only took us a split-second to wretch. Do the Japanese really prefer these Vertu designs from Nokia over the E71? No price or any real detail announced, just a picture of the enormous packing box after the break.

[Via Unwired View, thanks Robin of L.]

[PunkInDrublic @ Dec 10th 2008 4:35AM]

The result of King Midas touching a piece of turd.

[aznofazns @ Dec 10th 2008 5:00AM]

This is the best comment I've read all day (as in yesterday).

[NickNick @ Dec 10th 2008 5:22AM]

win. pure win.

[wrabbit @ Dec 10th 2008 7:07AM]

Indeed! You sir, are a winner.

[PunkInDrublic @ Dec 10th 2008 7:33AM]

I'm glad you folks found my comment to be absolutely... golden.

[Rob @ Dec 10th 2008 9:31AM]

Someone get some water to put out the flames, this guy is on fire!

[Uncontrol @ Dec 10th 2008 4:35AM]

that's a fucking atrocity

sweet box though

[XIYL @ Dec 10th 2008 5:49AM]

The packaging is really important.

Really tho, this thing is terrible.

[Smart People Play Tuba @ Dec 10th 2008 7:27AM]

It did, however, spawn the best opening lines of any Engadget post I've ever read.

[Big Al @ Dec 10th 2008 8:31AM]

Mapple is good example of the importance of packaging...

I have no problems with luxury phones, but I just don't see the appeal of this phone other than, "Hey look! I have a sold gold phone!"

[OwlExterminator @ Dec 10th 2008 8:38AM]

Nokia's attempt at a uni body construction, and itonly took them 1000 hrs to cut out this turd.
-Nokia can't even make a proper luxury item, please give up and leave it to Apple!

-Apple makes a phone for everyone rich/poor and everyone loves it!

-Nokia makes this fecal phone and the only person who wants it is probably Goldfinger
(good novel, great movie outstanding theme song & best bond "Sean Connery")

the only good to come out of this is if Nokia can get wifi and 3G radios into this it should convince Apple to try and go back to the aluminum case again...

[Backlin @ Dec 10th 2008 9:48AM]

Yeah, if I wanted a phone that looked like a crinkled up gold bar with black plastic wrapped around it, I would get this phone.

[loocas @ Dec 10th 2008 1:08PM]

If I designed that, I'd be out of job...

It's hiedous!

[thefullmonty @ Dec 10th 2008 1:19PM]

where did ieye get nokia from anyway? its a vertu.

[john @ Dec 10th 2008 1:16PM]

you guys are nucking fut's as an american i love excess. and what says excess better that "solid gold" ? nokia pshhhh

[Californian @ Dec 10th 2008 6:17PM]

Wow I guess I'm the only one who thinks this phone is totally awesome then. Nice post, but I mean this would go great with my solid gold AK-47. Hah, if someone tried to jack this from me, they'd have another thing coming besides the random tube that comes with my phone. But really, this thing is awesome.

[Johan S @ Dec 10th 2008 4:39AM]

What the hell, all that money and it only has a QVGA display??

I want a refund (though I haven't paid for it).

[Shinigami @ Dec 10th 2008 5:08AM]

Don't look at it as a phone. Look at it as an investment - its a bar of solid gold!

[j_g_puff @ Dec 10th 2008 6:21AM]

What definition of 'solid' are they using? Either this thing has guts or it doesnt. If it doesn't, it's just a dented bar of gold. If it does then it's not 'solid', is it?

Perhaps they meant 'squalid gold'.

[thedesolate1 @ Dec 10th 2008 11:38AM]

Atleast now you know inflation wont keep up with it. You might be able to sell it at a profit if you hold on to it long enough.

[ClarkyAC @ Dec 10th 2008 4:45AM]

First i hated the crumpled paper look... Then i found out it was solid gold, must.... resist.....

Seriously 1000 hours to shape? I take it that the designers mental illness also made him pass out a lot.

[aznofazns @ Dec 10th 2008 5:02AM]

Yeah i'm calling b.s. on the 1000 hours thing. You people realize that that's over 40 entire days of just sitting there chiseling that hunk of shit?

[Shinigami @ Dec 10th 2008 5:10AM]

Includes sleepless nights because of the bar of gold that isn't yet shaped but wants to be.

[Mike C @ Dec 10th 2008 9:21AM]

Unless he beat it into shape with a very very small hammer?

[thedesolate1 @ Dec 10th 2008 11:39AM]

I heard it is made with the blood of kittens.

[Big Boy @ Dec 10th 2008 7:36PM]

1000hrs and he's still not done????? WTF

[Tony @ Dec 10th 2008 10:07PM]

That doesn't seem unreasonable considering their target buyer is probably one who spend enormous amounts of money collecting art.

To them, this will be just another piece of art—one that an artist spent a lot of time making. Painters have spent years on a single canvas, why can't the people who made this?

Of course, whether or not this is good art or not is a matter of opinion. But it is a unique art form that we have begun to more and more of.

[joeyboy @ Dec 10th 2008 4:48AM]

...who was involved in an unfortunate melting accident, hence the name goooold member...

[Crispin @ Dec 10th 2008 8:43AM]

smelting.. that movie was atrocious, but the line was smelting

[miko34 @ Dec 10th 2008 4:52AM]

Attention filthy rich people:

If you really don't know what to do with all your money, how about solving some of the world's problems?
I'm sure you donate money to charities that are tax write-offs for you, but if you consider buying this, you're not doing enough.


Attention Vertu:

You suck too!

[Mario @ Dec 10th 2008 4:53AM]

Looks like a crumpled packet of Benson & Hedges.

[Darwin @ Dec 10th 2008 5:19AM]

The thought of buying such a phone actually crossed my mind, should I ever have so much money to throw away.

Then I read your comment.

[Wiigee @ Dec 10th 2008 4:54AM]

oh! so thats where the bailout money went......

[B3astofthe3ast @ Dec 10th 2008 4:54AM]

It looks like it went through a blend-tec blender.

[Plexyglazz @ Dec 10th 2008 5:15AM]

Now if only Vertu would send one to Blendtech ....

[Blastar @ Dec 10th 2008 4:55AM]

Nooooooooo''~~!!!
This is a monstrosity!!!
Give me me a hummer now.. I want to break my screen so I wont loose my vision. !!

[Samboini @ Dec 10th 2008 2:51PM]

Were you smacked off your tits when you wrote that?

[greatcaffeine @ Dec 10th 2008 5:03AM]

That thing looks about as attractive as a Blackberry 7200... but at least a Blackberry would be functional.

[MM @ Dec 10th 2008 5:06AM]

What is that round "pipish" thingie next to the phone in the box?
handsfree?

[PunkInDrublic @ Dec 10th 2008 5:18AM]

It's what you first smoke out of to make buying this thing make sense.

[Imran @ Dec 10th 2008 5:11AM]

If I had the money to buy such a thing I'd melt it down and turn it into something nice for the lady.

[Tim @ Dec 10th 2008 5:38AM]

Now, actually, this is very cool.
Slots right in there with new landmark architecture (which you probably also hate) and Yacht design.
Now before you slag it off, let's check if you're in the right demographic for it:

• Have you got a 240ft+ yacht in Cannes? check.
• Have you got an aide to carry your phone, answer it for you, place calls for you and hand it to you when someone on the inner circle (i.e.: your mother or Madonna) calls? check.
• Are you Russian? check. alternatively:
• Are you from the Middle East? check.
• Are you worth upwards of $1bn? check.
• Is the above true, but you're stuck for a present for your wife/mistress? check.

Presumably, they make only 150 of these.
Technology inside is really not an issue of any kind for the demographic you are addressing here, in fact anything 'geek' would be a big minus, you have people to do that sort of stuff and worry about.

If it is solid gold, it will be far too heavy to carry on the (male) person and will either be carried by your aide or lie on your desk or table on deck. If you are female, you probably toss it nonchalantly into your Birkin Bag.

And then it's kinda James Bond villain cool. SInce the guys in the demographic for this are probably all villains, they get a kick out of it.
The 'I hate all rich people' and 'rich people are so stupid' vibe is probably related to: none of you is or will ever be in the market for this, median age is below 16 and jealousy AND none of you is a Bond villain.

[ZSX @ Dec 10th 2008 5:59AM]

It actually goes with the angular/ faceted design ethos of the moment. Very Gehry/Hadid and a natural extension of the styling of the HTC Touch Diamond and the Nokia Prism series. Still doesn't make it worth $30,000 though.

[collide007 @ Dec 10th 2008 6:23AM]

"Natural Extention"? More like unnatural dysfunction. The Touch Diamond uses angles tastefully, The Prism only just so, this makes me want to puke and laugh at the same time.

[UnixSystemsEngineer @ Dec 10th 2008 10:18AM]

Disagree. I wouldn't mind having a 240ft yacht if I could afford it, but even if I was a trillionaire I would never buy such a monstrosity of a phone. The difference is, the money you spend on the yacht DOES something for you. The money you spend on this phone just says "I'm a douchebag".

[Tim @ Dec 10th 2008 11:49AM]

Are you Russian?
Are you from the Middle East?
Do you 'have' a Yacht in Cannes (Do you know where Cannes is?)
Do you have an aide?
You have no clue what you are talking about.

I specifically 'excluded' tech money, old money and money (bank) money.

This phone 'does' something for it's owner. It's called luxury. It makes him feel cool.

[Johan S @ Dec 10th 2008 6:12PM]

@shinigami

It also looks like they re-purposed stolen designs for a rejected stealth fighter's surface topology, so who knows maybe the thing is invisible to radar as well.

[Mobius_1 @ Dec 10th 2008 6:26AM]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frenzy_(Transformers)#2007_Transformers_movie

What more can I say?

[NickNick @ Dec 10th 2008 6:34AM]

On the bright side. would a mugger REALLY want to steal this thing?

[DER GORF @ Dec 10th 2008 6:48AM]

Cool, If someone tries to steal it, You can still club him to death with you mobile phone made of solid gold... oO