The solid gold Vertu Boucheron 150 makes us hate humanity
By Thomas Ricker 
posted Dec 10th 2008 4:32AM
posted Dec 10th 2008 4:32AM
[Via Unwired View, thanks Robin of L.]
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The result of King Midas touching a piece of turd.
This is the best comment I've read all day (as in yesterday).
win. pure win.
Indeed! You sir, are a winner.
I'm glad you folks found my comment to be absolutely... golden.
Someone get some water to put out the flames, this guy is on fire!
that's a fucking atrocity
sweet box though
The packaging is really important.
Really tho, this thing is terrible.
It did, however, spawn the best opening lines of any Engadget post I've ever read.
Mapple is good example of the importance of packaging...
I have no problems with luxury phones, but I just don't see the appeal of this phone other than, "Hey look! I have a sold gold phone!"
Nokia's attempt at a uni body construction, and itonly took them 1000 hrs to cut out this turd.
-Nokia can't even make a proper luxury item, please give up and leave it to Apple!
-Apple makes a phone for everyone rich/poor and everyone loves it!
-Nokia makes this fecal phone and the only person who wants it is probably Goldfinger
(good novel, great movie outstanding theme song & best bond "Sean Connery")
the only good to come out of this is if Nokia can get wifi and 3G radios into this it should convince Apple to try and go back to the aluminum case again...
Yeah, if I wanted a phone that looked like a crinkled up gold bar with black plastic wrapped around it, I would get this phone.
If I designed that, I'd be out of job...
It's hiedous!
where did ieye get nokia from anyway? its a vertu.
you guys are nucking fut's as an american i love excess. and what says excess better that "solid gold" ? nokia pshhhh
Wow I guess I'm the only one who thinks this phone is totally awesome then. Nice post, but I mean this would go great with my solid gold AK-47. Hah, if someone tried to jack this from me, they'd have another thing coming besides the random tube that comes with my phone. But really, this thing is awesome.
What the hell, all that money and it only has a QVGA display??
I want a refund (though I haven't paid for it).
Don't look at it as a phone. Look at it as an investment - its a bar of solid gold!
What definition of 'solid' are they using? Either this thing has guts or it doesnt. If it doesn't, it's just a dented bar of gold. If it does then it's not 'solid', is it?
Perhaps they meant 'squalid gold'.
Atleast now you know inflation wont keep up with it. You might be able to sell it at a profit if you hold on to it long enough.
First i hated the crumpled paper look... Then i found out it was solid gold, must.... resist.....
Seriously 1000 hours to shape? I take it that the designers mental illness also made him pass out a lot.
Yeah i'm calling b.s. on the 1000 hours thing. You people realize that that's over 40 entire days of just sitting there chiseling that hunk of shit?
Includes sleepless nights because of the bar of gold that isn't yet shaped but wants to be.
Unless he beat it into shape with a very very small hammer?
I heard it is made with the blood of kittens.
1000hrs and he's still not done????? WTF
That doesn't seem unreasonable considering their target buyer is probably one who spend enormous amounts of money collecting art.
To them, this will be just another piece of art—one that an artist spent a lot of time making. Painters have spent years on a single canvas, why can't the people who made this?
Of course, whether or not this is good art or not is a matter of opinion. But it is a unique art form that we have begun to more and more of.
...who was involved in an unfortunate melting accident, hence the name goooold member...
smelting.. that movie was atrocious, but the line was smelting
Attention filthy rich people:
If you really don't know what to do with all your money, how about solving some of the world's problems?
I'm sure you donate money to charities that are tax write-offs for you, but if you consider buying this, you're not doing enough.
Attention Vertu:
You suck too!
Looks like a crumpled packet of Benson & Hedges.
The thought of buying such a phone actually crossed my mind, should I ever have so much money to throw away.
Then I read your comment.
oh! so thats where the bailout money went......
It looks like it went through a blend-tec blender.
Now if only Vertu would send one to Blendtech ....
Nooooooooo''~~!!!
This is a monstrosity!!!
Give me me a hummer now.. I want to break my screen so I wont loose my vision. !!
Were you smacked off your tits when you wrote that?
That thing looks about as attractive as a Blackberry 7200... but at least a Blackberry would be functional.
What is that round "pipish" thingie next to the phone in the box?
handsfree?
It's what you first smoke out of to make buying this thing make sense.
If I had the money to buy such a thing I'd melt it down and turn it into something nice for the lady.
Now, actually, this is very cool.
Slots right in there with new landmark architecture (which you probably also hate) and Yacht design.
Now before you slag it off, let's check if you're in the right demographic for it:
• Have you got a 240ft+ yacht in Cannes? check.
• Have you got an aide to carry your phone, answer it for you, place calls for you and hand it to you when someone on the inner circle (i.e.: your mother or Madonna) calls? check.
• Are you Russian? check. alternatively:
• Are you from the Middle East? check.
• Are you worth upwards of $1bn? check.
• Is the above true, but you're stuck for a present for your wife/mistress? check.
Presumably, they make only 150 of these.
Technology inside is really not an issue of any kind for the demographic you are addressing here, in fact anything 'geek' would be a big minus, you have people to do that sort of stuff and worry about.
If it is solid gold, it will be far too heavy to carry on the (male) person and will either be carried by your aide or lie on your desk or table on deck. If you are female, you probably toss it nonchalantly into your Birkin Bag.
And then it's kinda James Bond villain cool. SInce the guys in the demographic for this are probably all villains, they get a kick out of it.
The 'I hate all rich people' and 'rich people are so stupid' vibe is probably related to: none of you is or will ever be in the market for this, median age is below 16 and jealousy AND none of you is a Bond villain.
It actually goes with the angular/ faceted design ethos of the moment. Very Gehry/Hadid and a natural extension of the styling of the HTC Touch Diamond and the Nokia Prism series. Still doesn't make it worth $30,000 though.
"Natural Extention"? More like unnatural dysfunction. The Touch Diamond uses angles tastefully, The Prism only just so, this makes me want to puke and laugh at the same time.
Disagree. I wouldn't mind having a 240ft yacht if I could afford it, but even if I was a trillionaire I would never buy such a monstrosity of a phone. The difference is, the money you spend on the yacht DOES something for you. The money you spend on this phone just says "I'm a douchebag".
Are you Russian?
Are you from the Middle East?
Do you 'have' a Yacht in Cannes (Do you know where Cannes is?)
Do you have an aide?
You have no clue what you are talking about.
I specifically 'excluded' tech money, old money and money (bank) money.
This phone 'does' something for it's owner. It's called luxury. It makes him feel cool.
@shinigami
It also looks like they re-purposed stolen designs for a rejected stealth fighter's surface topology, so who knows maybe the thing is invisible to radar as well.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frenzy_(Transformers)#2007_Transformers_movie
What more can I say?
On the bright side. would a mugger REALLY want to steal this thing?
Cool, If someone tries to steal it, You can still club him to death with you mobile phone made of solid gold... oO
This phone is a piss take to the entire world.
Shame on people who spend that sort of money on things like that.
Come'on think twice before waisting your money on such a stupidity. Well if you do waste your money on such thing you must have stoped thinking a long time ago and you are also probably blind and heartless... Should start looking at the world with open eyes!
Ok, it deserves points for not being diamond encrusted, which is always just sickening.
However, this is way, way too ostentatious and pointless! How about gifting just a solid block of gold in a case ...
Please donate this to charity immediately!
looks like someone hit it with a hammer.
Opps! Someone was unbelievably pissed while designing this!
Earlier at the pooh pooh boutique Beverly Hills..."Hulk hate gold phone...must crush!"
Later that afternoon...
"Wow I really love that phone, but I'm being told to cut back by my board of directors, oh what the hell!"
"Ummm OK that'll be 36 billion dollars please Mr. Rick Wagoner."
"Sure just put it on my company credit card. Alan Mulally and Bob Nardelli are going to be so jealous!"
I actually kind of like the design: it doesn't look as shit as a lot of those so called "luxury" phones do. Plus, since it's made of solid gold it might have a good resale value. And, therefore, would make a good investment piece.
I guess recharging this phone is done with a butt-plug instead of the normal recharger...?
Just wait 'til Swarovski gets ahold of it.
*shudders*
Now that is Vulgar!
I don't know... Looks like Vertu Doucheron 150K to me.
Win Diesel in the building!
First the cell phone...then the camera phone...then smart phone...now Introducing
The Grillz Phone - why wear it on your hip when you can flash it in your smile?
LOL!
When I first got a glimpse of the case I thought I am looking at a smashed NDS.....
It looks like a chocolate candy wrapper........... crumpled up........
It looks like the robot from the 70's Hamlet cigar commercial.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/26511046@N00/3098157544/
whats that tube thing on the right side? charger?
hum.. interesting.. does look like it got stuck in a blender..
solid gold? wow how much does it weigh??
looks like an opened willie wonka wrapper.
oh. look. alliteration.
That doesn't count! Alliteration is about pronunciation. The way it sounds. Not just the letters.
I'm mad at you.
um....sound it out.
I feel for you.
Either you're a complete moron because you think the 'r' in the word "wrapper" is the silent letter, or you DON'T KNOW WHAT ALLITERATION IS:
"Alliteration is the repeated occurrence of the same consonant sound at the beginning of several words in the same phrase"
Definition of 'several': "More than TWO, but not many".
Have a nice day, jackass.
alliteration -> repeating....1, 2 = repeating.
you have nowhere near enough to do on a daily basis, or you just like to make me laugh.
toodles!
Bizarro called. He wants his phone back.
Me am glad for your comments!!
It took longer to craft this thing than it will take to become obsolete.
I would hate to drunk dial on that thing. might end up calling your mom.
Vertu, Boucheron, Nictu!
It looks like a truck ran over it. It is hideous.
"overly taut sphincter"?
That is NOT something I wanted to envision while eating my chocolate croissant.
Thanks...
Perfect for making a Quantum of Calls, ass...
Behold, the phone of the damned. The phone seriously looks like something that could be used as the key to open up the hell mouth or other world ending atrocities, or at the very least, be used to ward off the undead...and the living with good taste for that matter.
What the hell is this? Was this thing conceptualized after watching some awful 90's "VR" movie? It looks like the concept inspired by the graphics in "The Lawnmower Man"
"it took 1,000 hours to cut into shape"
...good god, they WANTED it to be that shape??
It looks like it just came out of a trash compacter... Then got gold plated.
Isn't luxury a beautiful thing?
This may just be a test by Vertu to find the top 150 people with the worst taste in the world. After all Vertu Boucheron's are bought, Vertu probably plans on rounding up all of the customers into an arena, where people can buy tickets to laugh at whoever bought this piece.
At least, that's what I would do if I made this phone.
Boucheron? More like Doucheron.
I guess it wouldn't blend.
I've been laughing at this line all morning: "It looks like it was shaped by an overly taut sphincter."
Priceless!
Here:
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=293hai1&s=4
I hate to be cliched, but...
EPIC WIN
I just about spewed eggnog off that first sentence. Thanks a lot! :-P
Guys, GUYS! Maybe it`s the "beta" version. You haven`t thought of that, now did you?
It looks like they've included a solid gold hammer in the package so you can finish the shaping off when you get the electronic gold ingot home with you :D
Quick! Throw the dethphones at... that guy!!!
They keep saying rich people want these kinds of extravagant things. But would Bill Gates or Steve Jobs (the very richest of rich men) buy anything so completely ghastly as this? I don't see it happening... Who is this phone really for?
http://vertu.com/en/pdf/press_releases/Vertu_Boucheron_150_November_2008.pdf
People spend $30,000 on an new car all the time maybe some middle class dude will buy it instead of a car and just take the bus to work.
Then you would have a rely cool phone to show to your buddy's on the bus. a good conversation starter.
I could spend 30k to travel around the world instead. this fone is beyond ugliness! it would take a crazy mind to buy this fone.