Stainless steel's great, but there's a very simple problem with the alloy that's plagued mankind for hundreds of years: it doesn't have any pattern on it. Happily, that's easily solved with a quick trip to Vertu's British headquarters, where master craftsmen are hard at work hand-carving designs into exactly 100 copies of the company's new Ascent Ti Damascus Steel -- just the latest in a long line of five-figure handsets with two-figure functionality. Yes, true, the Ascent Ti series features 3G, but even that isn't enough to justify the kidneys and other organs you'll have to sell (or the pittance you'll have to withdraw from the trust fund, depending on your lifestyle) to become the proud owner of one of these. Is it seriously time to upgrade the Ferrari version already?