If Microsoft made a toaster...
By Thomas Ricker 
posted July 21st 2009 5:28AM
posted July 21st 2009 5:28AM
And if... go ahead, add your own in the comments below.
[Thanks abrahamvir, images courtesy of mazw220]
posted July 21st 2009 5:28AM
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With penguins anything taste better
I agree, if cooked properly, penguins are actually quite delicious ^_^
thats the way I like my toasters fully-open and doesn't jam =D
Meh, it's okay, I like the taste of glass better.
If Apple made a toaster you'd have to use their approved electric company. Said electric company would only be able to provide electricity 2 days a week. You would still get charged for 7 days of electricity.During the middle of toasting that electricity would cut out and you'd have to reset the breaker in your house and start the toasting again. Apple would improve on the toaster periodically by allowing for toasting of pop tarts but the electric company is not going to be ready for you to do that till the end of summer (unless you're an international customer). By the way...all other non-apple customers of your electric company have been toasting pop tarts for about 10 years.
F*$K YOU AT&T!!!!!
@ KJ LOL!!!! So true!!!
Apple toasters STILL don't support multi-toasting!
A majority of people just want to toast their bread.
They don't need a fancy, spiffy looking Apple toaster that happens to make the same tasting, every day toast. But also happens to cost much, much more than Linux or Microsoft toasters.
So they say to hell with Apple toasters and the black shirt people in their Apple Toaster store, and get it from a store where the employees ignore their customers for the most part. Not because they think they are better than them, but because they simply hate their jobs...
KJ - I have to agree, AT&T service pretty much sucks donkey balls.
If Asus made a toaster, it would would be available in ten different models,
the eeeToast 102T
the eeeToast103T
the eeeToast104T
the eeeToast102Tx
the eeeToast103Tx
the eeeToast104Txv
the eeeToast104Txvha-1000
the eeeToast202Tx breadshell
the eeeToast202Tx-v breadshell
the eeeToast102Tx-h breadshell
The names would confuse the crap out of everyone, but the actual products would be way better than the competition.
With Linux you'd have to make the bread yourself. You'd have to look this up on some wiki or forum, of course.
If Linux made that toaster, you would have to build it yourself first, before tweaking with it.
@Will
Perhaps a man page?
But back to penguins, I think Linux toast would taste a bit fishy.
A little too burnt for my tastes. Only if it comes with a free upgrade to Windows 7.
Microsoft Dynamics? Is that a KIRF toaster??
@Scarhawk
Microsoft Dynamics is a line of ERP and CRM products from Microsoft Business Solutions.
It was a Danish (Navision) and an American (Great Plains) company that Microsoft bought some years ago.
The Dynamics AX, NAV and CRM products are widespread in Europe. I should know working with them.
I picture them running just like Veridian Dynamics.
@Andrew, it's not just common in Europe. I'm in the US, and the last company I worked for used Dynamics GP (very buggy with lots of crazy little client patches), and the company I work for now uses CRM. I have a friend that works for another company that uses a lot of CRM. That suite of applications drives me nuts.
Just install Norton AntiBurnWare protection. A mere $49.95 add-on!
best thing since sliced bread?
how about toast this time?
If it only printed images of Jesus or Virgin Mary then I'd be richer than Bill Gates.
would the apple model make apple crisp?
No but you'd have to buy the bread from Apple, it would cost more than the same bread from someone else and the bread wouldn't fit into any toaster other than Apple's toaster. Also, toaster fanboys would praise the engineering of the toaster even though it contains the same generic parts as any other toaster and they'd proclaim it's buttonless interface to be easier and more pleasant to use than any other toaster.
Finally, Paul [A-Z] Chappell would jump in and attack all non-Apple toaster "fanboys" in all toaster posts.
Nope, Pop Tarts
You'd also have to make sure that if you have a 3 or 4 year old toaster that you don't get the intel-only toast.
for real CRM, look up a product called InterAction (not from Microsoft)
The iToaster would be available in white and unibody aluminum. The surface would be so glossy that people would claim they can't even use the toaster. There is also a touch panel on it with an arrow that says "Slide to Toast" and points down, not sideways. This toaster would also have the option to toast via Wi-Fi. Simply connect to the wireless network, and toast remotely. However, the connection would cut out every time before it's finished toasting. You must go to an Apple store to purchase iBread to toast, because each iSlice would have the Wi-Fi receiver in it. Every time you start toasting you hear the Mac chord and the touch panel changes to an Apple logo that gets progressively browner and starts steaming. New in iToaster OS Version 3.0, you can get a push notification sent to your iPhone when the bread is done. In development is the iToaster nano, which is half the size, and requires iBread nano, half-sized bread slices. iToaster nano can easily fit in your jeans pocket. It's insanely great.
If Apple made a toaster, it would have a plastic apple-shaped window illuminated by the nichrome wire.
If the toaster was Linux, you'd have to hack into it to make it toast both sides.
:D
No, a Linux toaster would cook the bread to a nice golden brown.
Well, the first slice anyways. The next one would be a dark crisp. You'd try to adjust the toaster, but with 37 switches, a few analog dials, at least 7 gauges, an LCD panel with random letters and numbers on it, and several panels of blinking lights later, you'd get frustrated and just eat the burnt bread.
With Linux it would appear to start off okay, then you would be immediately booted out to a command prompt to enter the toasting commands. If confused, use toast -help.
for the record, I'm a terminal user :)
lol, I was thinking that if Linux made a toaster, you'd have to compile your own bread!
:)
It may be a lot of work, but homemade bread tastes much better!
A Linux toaster would be a box full of toaster parts and a note that says "Enjoy!" Then when you'd ask for help with it on Linux toaster forums, you'd get called a noob and told to rtfm.
Haha!
These Toaster Linux jokes are giving me quite a chuckle!
man toast
# make toast
make: don't know how to make toast. Stop.
I can imagine the green mold in Android shape on Google's toast
Microsoft toaster: various models from different companies, compatible with most bread, cheap plastic build
Apple toaster: only 1 model, luxurious stainless steel, touch screen control, only compatible with Apple approved bread
:D
Linux toaster: only come in parts, user have to assemble the toaster themselves, but the bread is free
Pika..
Nicely summarised :)
I might have mentioned something about the Microsoft toaster occasionally breaking, or burning the toast.. :)
Also the Apple toaster costs twice as much, doesn't let you set the temperature or toast time, and when you want to upgrade the parts you have to buy a completely new toaster.
Also comes with douchy smug attitude at no extra cost!
Lazarpander toaster: Comes with irony so thick you need to use a knife to slice it.
Apple doesn't need to make a toaster. I'm sure some 3rd party developer will make an app on the iPhone.
But will it run Crysis?
At twelve 'o-clock a meeting
'round the table
for a seance in the dark.
With voices out of nowhere
put on specially by the children
for a lark.
Cry, system, cry,
make your mother sigh.
She's old enough to know better,
so cry, system, cry.
...
Can you take me back,
where are people?
Brother, can you take me back?
Can you take me back?
(Cry, System, Cry --- from the Beatles' white album,
which prophetically predicted the desire to return
computers unable to run Crysis)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcwF9z_3msk&feature=related
Nice article.
A genuinely funny article from engadget after many days. Nice going Ricker.