Video: Pocket Pain Doctor is the worst iPhone app. Ever.
By Vladislav Savov 
posted Aug 26th 2009 6:06PM
posted Aug 26th 2009 6:06PM
Read - Pocket Pain Doctor website
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Isn't the saying "An Apple a day keeps the doctor away"?
I cant tell!!! if he isnt sarcastic thru the whole thing Ive lost all faith in humanity
It sounds/looks like he filmed this in his Bathroom (listen to the minor echo compare it to talking in your bathroom)
Apply directly to the forehead!
dumb ass be gone apply directly to a dumbass!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey engadget, instead of posting all the read links so we can double check your facts, how about just not posting this shit at all here? Or at least keep it to TUAW.
Wow, guys. Both the video and the account are now closed!
http://www.youtube.com/user/pocketpaindoctor
The App is still up though. http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewSoftware?id=321241863&mt=8
You can say what you want about the app itself, but there are no fake trademark claims. It shows the writer is very lacking when it comes to IP law. Under US law companies lay claim to product names (especially in thies genre) by using the TM. This is completely legal just like using a copyright. If you check, you will see Pain Doctor is the applied for brand under TM and Bluwave is a product under its umbrella. Even thought the writer has ripped this app apart without even trying it and refuses to try a free samples for review, I respect his right to his OPINION, but he has no right to defame our company by claiming anything about our trademarks is fake. That is illegal for him to do and we may sue if it's not retracted. Get your facts straight. And by the way, bluwave does work as a supplemental light source. It's funny I offered everyone on this site a chance to get a free download for review and so far nobody has taken me up on it. Guess you're all afraid it may work. And what about the other similar apps out there, Dr. Pain, White Noise, all the Binaural stuff? MMMMM?
he is kidding right.....right???
Placebo works as well as the real thing so who knows.
No, he's not kidding, nanometres are totally a measure of light.
Why is it so hard for you guys to believe outlandish medical claims being made by some shady looking guy in what appears to be his linen closet?
Maybe someone should beat the crap out of him and then ask him how he feels.
although he evidently doesn't know it, the "exacting nanometers" of which he speaks, refer to the wavelength of the light. and it is true that 750 nm is red, and blue is 450-475 or so.
"It's true science"
New diet pill app coming soon?
1 app a day keeps the doctor away
Is this junk science?
why no, did you not hear? it is NOT junk science. trust every word this man says. :p
No, didn't you hear him? He said it's not junk science. And he said it on the Interwebs, so it's gotta be true.
IT IS NOT!
the internet is always right i gotta have this app =P wat has the world become -1 internets
No, it has nothing to do with science, just junk.
It's been done before - many times before:
http://www.lightstim.com/
Well if people buy the application, as dumb as it may be, he's still making money, smart in my opinion. Placebo effect maybe?
I would almost hand him a dollar for being so creative! :D
Sometime's a good lie is more entertaining than the dumb truth, and apparently "This isn't junk science!"
Scamming people does require some smarts (though not always very much) but it's unfair and I'd never commend someone like this for being so shady.
-Taylor
Aha! *Activates vibrator mode* - 'You can also use it for personal fun'
This snake-oil app gets approved but Google Voice gets shit-canned. Interesting.
Because it "doesn't infringe on a already implemented function of the iPhone." And as much as I dislike Apple its because they are at least smart enough not to play witch doctor :)
i knew this comment would be here. i came looking for it. Thumbs up. fuck apple and their bullshit app world decision practices. one more reason you wont catch me on their bullshit device with their shit At&t service.
@ yochachi
Not a fan of the "An apple a day" anecdote, eh?
The Dude - Yes, because those two situations are directly comparable.
@Zach: How aren't they? Someone submitted an App. Apple reviewed the App. Apple decided that colored light is better than Google Voice
I don't doubt that light therapy works -- but I do doubt that this iPhone app works. What a joke.
Plus, the last time I checked, the iPhone did not use an LED screen. He can say that LED light stimulation heals you a thousand times, that still won't change the iPhone's LCD screen into an LED.
@Dhomas
The iPhone does use an LED backlight, though not an OLED screen. There's a difference.
no guys. you dont understand, this APP uses the same LED technology as NASA.
he's not even talking about the iphone's screen or usage of led in screen
its about the APP using LED's to heal you.
fuck this.
I bet he sells HHO converters for your car too.
Didn't Apple say that they rejected apps in the users' best interest?
That man is God, and God is a douche.
Please leave religion out of this
I thought the worst iPhone app ever was I am Rich?
Nah, that one did more for a better price.
It's the glowing red vibrator app
Proof of Apple's flawed App store approval policy.
"seasonal depression and things like that".......................... LOL
I can't believe he's managed to stay married
id like an app for harvard studies
there's thousands of horrible apple apps. what did this one do to get picked out of the bunch?
is this billy may's (may he rest in peace) retarded half brother?
And apple approved this one and not Google Voice or others. Apple FAIL
I was hoping that his iPhone battery would explode...and that's not junk science.
I that Alec Baldwin in the picture?
Seriously. That is totally Alec Baldwin.
Agreed, thought the same damn thing.
Well considering he looks like an unkempt serial killer, I don't think this youtube "advertising" bit is going to have the desired effects he is going for, but then again the majority of human beings are naive, gullible, and just plain dumb so I am sure he will sell more copies of this than his "pocketcemetary" crapware.
Perhaps he should probably consider investing in a product spokesperson, or perhaps a shower/shave?
Just a thought.
tool. shed.
Ok com'on, that's enough non-sense for one day. I stopped watching when he was demonstrating the "vibrator mode" and on the bottom a banner appeared with the text "You Can Also Use It For Personal Fun"
I know, really! I remember thinking the same thing when I heard about that now-ancient iBrate jailbreak app. Honestly, who is sick enough to put their cell phone in those kinds of places and then continue to just go on using it day to day?... but i guess the real question is: Who is perverted enough to make an iPhone app with vibrate functions for those intentions?
In looking at the website:
"BluWave also features a relaxing audio mode with natural sounds of nature."
and
"BluWave is the first medical grade light therapy application for the iPhone."
I can't believe this didn't get rejected by Apple.... is just amazing...
You know how you can tell when something is junk science ? When the person peddling it says "This is not junk science"
Who is this guy trying to fool???
When he said "relieve seasonal depression and things like that"... "things like that"...
I feel sorry for whoever buys his color/brightness adjustment application.
well, this is kind of stupid. Also, when he said the vibration was very powerful, did he mean that it was beyond what the iphone is capable of regularly.
Now this is bull. Gonna start off saying that. But there is some science there. Infra-red light can be used to treat pain but that is because infra-red light has a heating effect and heat can elliviate stress in muscles. That wont help anything other than muscle stress though. Ultra-violate light does kill bacteria too. You can buy UV devices all over the place for killing bacteria. The only problem with these though is your iphone WILL NOT PRODUCE IR OR UV LIGHT. So that's out of the window. The only thing he says which can work is the coloured light for depression. There are studies which have shown a defficite in certain colours of light causing depression and this can be treated by sitting infront of a screen showing the colour you need. It takes testing to find the colour you need though. Everyone is different. This most likely wont help you at all. What i wanna know is what he's planning to put in these "lifetime updates".
That's because there is no UV light. It's blue light - period. When you increase or decrease the shade and intensity, it is blue light within that spectrum. WTF? D you realize that iPhone uses LED light and LED light is what is used in blue light therapy. Don't use UV or you'll go blind. LOL
Yes I realize this is bs, however I'm sure this will sell.
He really could have shaved and put a nicer shirt on.
And.... not sit in the bathroom.
Steve Jobs practices his keynote speeches in the bathroom with a muscle shirt on.
Step 1: Download a free flashlight app that does pretty much the same thing as this.
Step 2: Delete it because neither app is actually going to do anything.
2:25, while talking about the "Vibrator Mode"
"You Can Also Use It For Personal Fun"
This guy is a god dam genius!!!!!!
The app is also clinically proven to swindle dumb people out of money and deliver smart people a good laugh.
I for one love when the person who builds my house is the same person who gives me medical advice.
If laughter is the best medicine, he's cured me for life of any ailment I'll ever have!
Right wavelength for blue light? you're sure i'm not gonna get skin cancer with that?
hahahaha, yea these "light therapy" apps are definitely definitely shady. We (medical app review team) actually talked about the Blue Light App and why it's shady. There is definitely some concern in the medical community that people might be delaying real treatment and actually trying to use these suspect apps. These companies are also using shady research data to back up their claims as well.
Here is our post of one of the "Blue light therapy" apps out there right and how it's shady:
http://www.iphonemedicalappreview.com/2009/08/new-blue-light-therapy-app-bit-shady.html
There's an iPhone medical app review team? I have 2 questions:
1: How many people is this team comprised of
and
2: Are the members doctors/professionals or just people sitting in some basement somewhere?
Haha, I like the "Blue Light Therapy is clinically proven" banner. Clinically proven to do what? Or the one that says "LED - Light Emitting Diode Technology", as though that was something he invented and his app adds it to the iPhone/iPod.
i've come to one conclusion by watching this video.
if you pause the video every half second, there's about an 80% chance that you will see this man making a funny face or gesture; most of the time both :D
omg is this the same light that ive heard can be found in this thing called the "outside world environment"? ...
Vibrating massage....
What an asshole.
So you think all vibrator apps are no good? MMMMM? I can see you not liking the app, but the massager?
Look for my post about giving free downloads to the first 30 people to respond with their UID numbers.
If you think this app is stupid then all blue light therapy devices are bad, but this isn't the case. iPhones use the same LED technology in larger devices. The nanometers may not be exact to the NM, but the device delivers the full blue spectrum from 450NM - 490NM, and the panel is very powerful. Some hundred dollar blue light devices are barely an inch or two bigger than the iPhone or Pod.
I understand your skepticism because of all the scammers in the world, but this product works. Obviously nothing works for everyone, but this is working for most people. I spent years creating natural OTC health products, and some of my best creations were (at first) laughed at because they bucked the trend and were created outside the box.
You all have the right to express your opinions, but can I ask you one favor? Can you please try it for a couple weeks and really use it as directed? I would be glad to send you a free promotional copy for honest evaluation (to the first 30 people) who respond with their UID numbers.
The BluWave isn't meant to replace medication or larger light devices, but it is meant to be a supplemental blue light source that can make a real difference. If you're interested, please send me the UID number from your iPhone and I'll send you a copy. This offer ONLY extends to the first 30 people to respond.
Either way, thanks for your comments - even though they may not be ones I enjoy reading.
Sincerely,
Wayne Perry
Just when Apple Improved the Battery life, he took it away!!!
the sad part is, some one, some where, will believe this thing does what it says, they might even recommend it to their friends.
When you are saying "shady", I assume you actually mean "completely retarded"?
This is on the the same level as saying an app that allows people to talk to angels is "shady"... or an app that let's you control other people's minds is "shady"... or an app that gives you one phone number for any phone is "shady"... ok, that last one might be a bad example...
"Completely retarded" ... like a FOX.
i think the worst app was "i am rich" which was priced at $999.99, now is docter pain so bad
I bought it, used it to treat my hemorrhoids, and now I can't find my iphone.
@Mark-
1) We're a team of two
2) My fellow author on the site is an emergency medicine physician, and I'm a MD/MPH student, doing my 4th year of med school right now. We do sit in a basement from time to time and play madden on the ps3, so your 2nd point does have some merit. We basically just review medical apps and comment on apple medical technology for fun times and thrills.
I created this app and I understand why some of you think it's a scam, but it's not.
Why is this stupid? It actually works. If you think this app is stupid then all blue light therapy devices are bad, but this isn't the case. iPhones use the same LED technology in larger devices. The nanometers may not be exact to the NM, but the device delivers the full blue spectrum from 450NM - 490NM, and the panel is very powerful. Some hundred dollar blue light devices are barely an inch or two bigger than the iPhone or Pod.
I understand your skepticism because of all the scammers in the world, but this product works. Obviously nothing works for everyone, but this is working for most people. I spent years creating natural OTC health products, and some of my best creations were (at first) laughed at because they bucked the trend and were created outside the box.
You all have the right to express your opinions, but can I ask you one favor? Can you please try it for a couple weeks and really use it as directed? I would be glad to send you a free promotional copy for honest evaluation (to the first 30 people) who respond with their UID numbers.
The BluWave isn't meant to replace medication or larger light devices, but it is meant to be a supplemental blue light source that can make a real difference. If you're interested, please send me the UID number from your iPhone and I'll send you a copy. This offer ONLY extends to the first 30 people to respond.
Either way, thanks for your comments - even though they may not be ones I enjoy reading.
Sincerely,
Wayne Perry
Sorry jackass, blue light therapy is pure Grade A Bullshit, and you're a scam artist. No doubt hundreds of patchouli-reeking hemp dress-wearing crystal-infused earth-tards will buy your app like it came out of Mother Earth's vagina, but most people with more than three brain cells will pass.
It's too bad you can't use whatever meager programming skill you have to make an app that doesn't suck. What a concept, huh?
... this isn't granny's home of the confused elderly, this is engadget, don't even try.
Well for starters... I am especially impressed by your slider to adjust the wavelength of the red light emanating from a device whose hardware can only emit one very specific wavelength of red. It definitely takes exceptional programming skills to be able to overcome the physical limitations of the iPhone's hardware.
@Wayne
Unfotunately, whether you realize it or not, there is little to no evidence to support the efficacy of light therapies, blue or red. More to the point, there is absolutely zero evidence, even on your own website, that your particular app has been proven to effectively treat depression, acne, or pain. There are testemonials, which can be thought of as anecdotal at best, but no actual testing.
You could argue that two bucks is a small price to pay for some small chance that this therapy will work for your customers. I would argue that the people using your product to treat real depression may be putting off getting real treatment. Likewise, people using this app to combat drowsiness while driving may be lulled into a false sense of security.
Dangerous. And irresponsible on your part.
I understand that you're a businessman trying to make a buck, and that there are likely thousands of iPhone users willing to give this a shot and drop their money in your pocket, but it's clear that you're not particularly familiar with the pseudo-science that you're peddling and that the readership of Engadget is not your demographic. It was an entertaining video, but please peddle elsewhere.
PS - I am willing to argue this point with you in more detail, if only to educate you and any other confused readers about the differences between sensationalized pseudo-science and real, peer-reviewed scientific evidence.
As for the TM claim, he is claiming them in an area other than RFID and hearing aids. Additionally, it is unlikely for someone to mix up his hijinks with those other products. Therefore, he could totally use those as trademarks for this use.
@Wayne Perry
Let me say this so you can understand it, NOBODY WANTS YOUR STUPID APP!!!!! Stop telling us about the free ones you are giving away. You have to be pretty stupid to not realize by now that if nobody has taken your offer, nobody wants it!
Yeah, because he looks TOTALLY trustworthy. Shaddy ass person scamming dumbasses.
yea OK he said 900nm for red light visible light only goes up to 750nm penetrate that up your skin
Did anyone get the feeling like 3 seconds into this video that a knock on the door was gonna happen and it was gonna be his Mom telling him:
"You've been in there 20 Minutes already... What are you doing in there??? Your father has to use the Bathroom!"
So, Apple Approved this APP, but things like SYPE, they killed!
I need to figure a "Dumba_s" application out and Cash In!
Wow.