Mad scientists figure out how to write memories to brains, take over Earth

Call us crazy, but we're guessing one Gero Miesenböck of the University of Oxford has been watching just a wee bit too much Fringe. Gero here, along with a few of his over-anxious colleagues, has seemingly figured out a way to actually write memories onto a fruit fly's brain using only a laser pen and three-fourths of a Ouija board. We know what you're thinking, and we're thinking the same. But all terrifying thoughts aside, what if boffins could burn memories of hard lessons learned into our minds without us having to suffer through them first? You know, like upgrading to Snow Leopard.

[matto Posted Oct 17th 2009 9:47PM]

Your upgrade to Snow Leopard was painful? I've done it a few times now, and it was on the order of three clicks for me. You might be doing it wrong..

[Derrik Posted Oct 17th 2009 10:02PM]

That's what she said!

[simbr Posted Oct 18th 2009 10:24PM]

Did you actually click the explanatory links? Have you tried logging in as guest?

[PhoenixFox Posted Oct 17th 2009 9:49PM]

Eurasia has ALWAYS been at war with Eastasia

[Alexicov Posted Oct 17th 2009 10:18PM]

+1

[xxhonkeyxx Posted Oct 18th 2009 12:28AM]

this.

[Teddylikescomputahs Posted Oct 18th 2009 12:44AM]

Like we've always been at war with Iraq. Wait, I think it's Afghanistan now.

[(Unverified) Posted Oct 17th 2009 11:13PM]

how is upgrading to snow leopard painful. Darren Murph sounds like a windows fanboy who tires to put down apple stuff at every chance he can, even if it has nothing to do with the topic or isn't even true at all. Raise your standards Engadget, this should be a neutral board (but ill let you away with hating monster cable)

[Rob Conway Posted Oct 18th 2009 9:10AM]

i don't know that it's supposed to be neutral. It's a blog. My blog isn't neutral. They don't claim to be neutral. I think it's good that the different writers have different opinions on things.

[Dr Yusuf AlKindi Posted Oct 17th 2009 9:52PM]

The Maoists have been experimenting with this technology for several years.

They are producing a home USB version for oppositional children.

[(Unverified) Posted Oct 17th 2009 9:55PM]

This explains Hillary Clinton's claims about her Iraq visit.

[The WC Posted Oct 17th 2009 9:56PM]

I'm appalled that no one mentioned The Giver. Have we sunk so low that we cannot remember our Newbery Medal-winning books?

[Dammerung2010 Posted Oct 17th 2009 11:46PM]

I love that book! :D

[KAL326 Posted Oct 19th 2009 12:11PM]

So where exactly in the book did they etch memories into the kids head with a laser? I seem to have missed that part, damn cliff notes.

[thehawks Posted Oct 17th 2009 9:57PM]

as i said before a string of events that will lead to the end "2012" this is one of them.

[Derrik Posted Oct 17th 2009 10:02PM]

Get your y2k bunker cleaned out.... Remember when all the world's computers were going to stop working. planes would just fall out of the sky. Remember those idiots buying 3000 gallons of water at wal-mart to stock in their bunkers. 2012 is just another stupid end of the world theory. life is not written yet, 2012 won't be the end all be all.

[iknowaeiou Posted Oct 18th 2009 3:58AM]

@derrik - You're right. Thanks to a forward-thinking company policy, a little elbow grease and some human sacrifice, the Mayans are ahead of schedule. The End is now projected to occur during the 2nd fiscal quarter of 2011.

[hikanae Posted Oct 17th 2009 10:04PM]

Id like the tantric sex with kama sutra arts downloaded to my brain & 10 different languages with a dash of martial arts please.

[savagemike Posted Oct 17th 2009 10:19PM]

It begs the question of whether we are a lot more than the sum of our memories - which are all we have left of experience.
Though I wonder if the emotional connection to those memories is as relevant when they are burned on.

Also... where are they getting these memories to burn on?
Wouldn't you need to be able to read them off first?

If they read all my memories and burn them onto a newborn, am I immortal?
And will I finally then, as I grow up, know when I am 15 what I knew when I was 40?
... and will that increase or decrease teen pregnancy rates?

[(Unverified) Posted Oct 17th 2009 11:45PM]

"I know Kung Fu"

yes!

[ttsgeb Posted Oct 18th 2009 1:06AM]

So. . . If I store an awesome joke on my laser, could a strap it to a shark and the then the sharks with fucking lasers would just make everyone laugh their asses off?

Oh the feeding frenzies the sharks could have.

[iknowaeiou Posted Oct 18th 2009 4:15AM]

It's religion in a laser. Nifty.

[(Unverified) Posted Oct 18th 2009 5:41AM]

I AM NOT QUAID!!!

[(Unverified) Posted Oct 18th 2009 6:41AM]

Why upgrading to Snow Leopard. I installed snow leopard on my MacBook, 3 Mac minis & also my media's 28 iMac systems at college every upgrade went seamless. I think it should be "Windows users upgrading from Xp to Windows 7", As they will have to format there drive and install everything back on, upgrade apparently wont work if your running Xp. only 20% of windows users ever upgraded from Xp to vista on there machines. Where as 70% of Mac users already have upgraded to Snow Leopard

[Mike V Posted Oct 18th 2009 6:24AM]

Yeah, but I already know what pain feels like...

[MNeko Posted Oct 18th 2009 6:48AM]

"Urrgh! I'm alive! Must... annoy Ray Romano!"

[Stapyhlococcus Posted Oct 18th 2009 6:48AM]

I dunno...I'll believe it when it happens. This is probably one of those things that sounds amazing, then when you read into the details it ends up being only 1% of what you imagined it and really insignificant. This won't happen for a long time and maybe never; atleast being able to insert an actual memory of something.

Actually, I just decided to read the "Read" link, and I'm right. The flies they used were genetically modified so that "their nerve cells fired when lit up with a laser". That's very far from inserting memories.

[(Unverified) Posted Oct 18th 2009 7:02AM]

"I know Kung Fu"

[(Unverified) Posted Oct 18th 2009 12:28PM]

Can you say Dual Trace System?

[watercloset Posted Oct 18th 2009 3:55PM]

They should also work with fire flies. They might get some bright ideas! :P

[(Unverified) Posted Oct 19th 2009 12:10AM]

Good ideaand good path for the future

Who was that - writing a novell about the future when people receive their knowledge straight to the brain? Asimov? Sheckley? The littlle thing here is that there is no way to correlate the knowledge to experince and analytical skills. Which is why the pople that *cannot* get knowledge imprinted still have to suffer the long say - but are the only people to produce new knowledge.

So i say - go ahead!

[(Unverified) Posted Oct 19th 2009 1:19PM]

Gero Miesenböck is his name? Interestlyingly, in Japanese that could mean loosely: "I won't show you my barf."