The Onion turns us on to new, better devices

It's smaller, has fewer buttons, and comes saddled with an aspirational price tag. You want it, right? "The new device is an improvement over the old device, making it more attractive for purchase by all Americans," company spokesman Thomas Wakefield told The Onion -- and we're inclined to agree. After all, the consumer electronics industry isn't just about buying items that will improve your quality of life. No, it's also about pressing your buttons, finding ways to make you feel good about a brand -- whether through totally rad product placement or ample, yet vague, product specs. All in all, we can't say it better than a certain Robert Larson: "The new device brings me satisfaction." And you can't put a price on that, can you? Available soon for $395.

[Average White Boy Posted Dec 5th 2009 8:36AM]

A new iPhone?

[PATRICKmcnicholl Posted Dec 5th 2009 8:46AM]

If you scroll over the links, it is apparently a blend of the Adamo XPS, iPhone and PSP go

[HK3 Posted Dec 5th 2009 4:50PM]

@PATRICKmcnicholl I'm trying to picture it but that sound like a ugly device for $395

[shadowj0 Posted Dec 5th 2009 8:27PM]

@PATRICKmcnicholl

Correction: it wouldn't be $395. You forgot a 0 at the end of that price.

[Bender the great Posted Dec 5th 2009 8:48AM]

Slow news day much lads?

[chewbacha Posted Dec 5th 2009 9:37AM]

@Bender the great
It's saturday...

[ctmike78 Posted Dec 5th 2009 9:49AM]

@Bender the great
God forbid they post anything fun and not strictly news, especially on a weekend...

[SpeeGold Posted Dec 5th 2009 11:06AM]

@Bender the great
Engadget is a blog, not a newspaper. They don't have to post ANY real news if they don't want to and they'll still be doing their job.

[Entourage Posted Dec 5th 2009 3:17PM]

@ctmike78
Haha that made me chuckle!

[glamajamma Posted Dec 5th 2009 8:49AM]

I really enjoy the new version because it lets me know when my comments are ranked higher, which in the long run helps me maintain my arrogant mystique when dealing with waiters and such.

[crimson400 Posted Dec 5th 2009 8:53AM]

*fewer* buttons, not *less* buttons. = )

[jmc Posted Dec 5th 2009 12:52PM]

@crimson400 : yes!

[kngtut79 Posted Dec 5th 2009 9:21AM]

Really? Seriously? this is the onion people. The onion delivers fake news. why is Average White Boy asking about a new iphone? Patrick, what are you talking about? It is a fake story. Happy late April fools day!!!

[o29 Posted Dec 5th 2009 11:34AM]

@kngtut79

Woosh

[seriousam7 Posted Dec 5th 2009 5:58PM]

I'm sorry that had to be your first post.

[Ray Posted Dec 5th 2009 9:33AM]

I am against Engadget making posts like this. This is neither BoingBoing nor my mom's blog.

[ctmike78 Posted Dec 5th 2009 9:51AM]

@Ray
I am against your comment. Hence the downrank.

[Xudd Posted Dec 5th 2009 12:15PM]

@Ray Link to your mom's blog please?

[MJGAMER 1991 XBL Posted Dec 5th 2009 2:52PM]

@Ray I'm all up in ur mom's blog.

[Ray Posted Dec 5th 2009 7:05PM]

@MJGAMER 1991 XBL
LOL I still love you guys

[Heysoos Posted Dec 5th 2009 9:35AM]

I guess whoever said Americans don't get irony was pretty bang on the mark.

[Eternity Posted Dec 5th 2009 9:46AM]

I love the new device because it allows me to be more productive at work. I mean not only am I pumping out word documents and spreadsheets but I'm also e-mailing, tweeting, facebooking, playing music, playing snes and raiding engadget all at the same time! Even while driving. The old device only allowed me to do half of that at once.
Yup twice the work and productivity getting done.

Even women complement me now. "Like Oh Em Gee! Is that the new device bulging your pocket? Can I touch it?"

[VTTony Posted Dec 5th 2009 9:53AM]

If it's not a new device... it's just an old device.

[artist Posted Dec 5th 2009 10:09AM]

i have no idea what this post is about...

engadget: did BESTBUY pay you for this? how much?

[aubreyq Posted Dec 5th 2009 10:35AM]

@artist

Dude, do you even know what The Onion is about?

[artist Posted Dec 5th 2009 10:40AM]

@(Unverified)

it's an awesome root vegetable, yes.

[jon Posted Dec 5th 2009 10:12AM]

The funny thing is, The Onion posts basically this same article every year. Last year or the year before it was about a new STB that was smaller than the old one with more features. Also priced at $395.

[EricS Posted Dec 5th 2009 2:15PM]

@jon Yeah, but this article is newer than that old article and it even has newer ads at the top of the page, and I think that STB was only $295.

Actually I'm not sure I read that article, but here's a classic: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/sony_releases_new_stupid_piece_of (NSFW)

[Philippe Posted Dec 5th 2009 10:15AM]

Before being bashed by the new (and old) device fanboys, let me say that this new device sucks and can't hold the candle to the even the old model by its competitor. 'nough said.

[Wallyum Posted Dec 5th 2009 10:36AM]

It's funny because The Onion is indirectly mocking Engadget.

[Dr Yusuf AlKindi Posted Dec 5th 2009 1:54PM]

@Wallyum Oh! Do you think?


Gee, saracasm and pardoy from The Onion? What's THAT all about?

[Don G Posted Dec 5th 2009 10:43AM]

Why does engadget write such cryptic posts???
keeps an eye out for Joseph Flatley. How bout some english next time, sarcasm isnt your thing dude

[Fuzzball Posted Dec 5th 2009 10:57AM]

zOMG!!!!111!1

I must have!!!!1111!!!!!111!!!1!!11!!!!1!!!11!eleven

[dan Posted Dec 5th 2009 11:03AM]

That was nowhere near as funny as I hoped. Where's the punch line?

[Chaos Theory Posted Dec 5th 2009 11:15AM]

@dan the punchline is you not understanding the punchline.

[Heysoos Posted Dec 5th 2009 11:39AM]

@Chaos Theory

Hit the nail on the head. +1

[tmarks11 Posted Dec 5th 2009 12:26PM]

@Heysoos naw, I would agree with dan.

Yeah, I get the mocking of the iphone and what-not gadget crowd. It is only the "slightly smile" kind of funny, not LOL.

Definitely not as clever as the usual Onion articles. I think they missed some good zingers somewhere in the article.

Maybe they should read some more of the engadget flamewars to get some material. Some of the posts here are quite a bit funnier then the Onion article... sometimes even unintentionally.

[MKelley Posted Dec 5th 2009 11:41AM]

successful troll is successful

[Galley Posted Dec 5th 2009 12:10PM]

I'll take two!

[benjgvps Posted Dec 5th 2009 12:42PM]

I love this, bring it into your favorite word processing and replace new device and old device. First time I did it, I replaced new device with iPhone 3GS and old device with iPhone 3G. Can be done with microwaves too!

[Pauline 2 Posted Dec 5th 2009 1:14PM]

I find it fantastic for cooking. does all that is advertised.

superior performance. Easy instructions. Its Green.

Affordable and makes a wonderful gift.

Salute to the Onion.

[jodaddydrums Posted Dec 5th 2009 1:18PM]

Is that Lance Bass at the checkout?

[MikeMc Posted Dec 5th 2009 1:32PM]

"Its higher price indicates to me that it is superior, and that not everyone will be able to afford it, which only makes me want to possess it more,"

Another satisfied Apple customer...

[Hazdaz Posted Dec 5th 2009 2:09PM]

I

[harbingerofdoom Posted Dec 5th 2009 3:41PM]

im pretty sure this is going to get ranked into obivion but...


WTF
seriously... not informative, not funny, not useful, not clear and not unique in any way.

shoulda been filed under "hit the bong too hard this morning" instead of misc...

[(Unverified) Posted Dec 5th 2009 5:01PM]

"not informative, not funny, not useful, not clear and not unique in any way.

shoulda been filed under "hit the bong too hard this morning" instead of misc"

Much like your post. You are right about being down ranked though.
PS: Grammar and formatting are your friends.

[Eldrad Posted Dec 5th 2009 3:44PM]

I'm going to wait for it to have a price drop!

[Lalu Posted Dec 5th 2009 4:18PM]

LOL

Love Onion Lots :)

[zero1221 Posted Dec 5th 2009 4:51PM]

I think I'll wait until next year because by then an even better model will be available.
I've been doing that every year since I was born because I refuse to buy something that will become obsolete.

[Wwhat Posted Dec 5th 2009 5:04PM]

"The new device will also be available in blue"
I think that's only sold in japan.