Apple might think it's going to change the world tomorrow with some sort of crazy tablet, but we're here to tell you that the world has already changed. American humans will soon be able to buy a product called "Puppy Tweets," a product actually designed, tested, and released by the Mattel corporation. First, you need a dog with a Twitter account. (Who doesn't have one of those?) Then, you need to use $30 of your actual money to buy Puppy Tweets, a plastic sound-and-motion sensor that clips onto your dog's collar and sends out several pre-written tweets that have extreme amounts of dignity, like "YAHOOOOOOO! Somedays you just gotta get your bark on." Then you have to weep gently for the future of our society.