Puppy Tweets lets your puppy... tweet
By Nilay Patel 
posted January 26th 2010 11:03PM
posted January 26th 2010 11:03PM
Apple might think it's going to change the world tomorrow with some sort of crazy tablet, but we're here to tell you that the world has already changed. American humans will soon be able to buy a product called "Puppy Tweets," a product actually designed, tested, and released by the Mattel corporation. First, you need a dog with a Twitter account. (Who doesn't have one of those?) Then, you need to use $30 of your actual money to buy Puppy Tweets, a plastic sound-and-motion sensor that clips onto your dog's collar and sends out several pre-written tweets that have extreme amounts of dignity, like "YAHOOOOOOO! Somedays you just gotta get your bark on." Then you have to weep gently for the future of our society.
@OCEAN CLAK
It's good that you aren't a raging Apple fanboy anymore, but what the hell happened? Microsoft fanboy Ocean is confusing me.
Already weeping...
@HardToBelieve
woof woof, woof woof woooof woof!
@Bowsa you mean ##### #####, ##### ##### ##### #####!
THIS IS MADNES!!!
@Steve2000
MADNESS?! THIS IS....Puppy Tweets?!
The fack?
If I could teach the neighborhood mutts to tweet instead of bark all night, maybe I could get some sleep.
@HardToBelieve
This is what Dog Tweets would look like:
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
This is what Cat Tweets would look like:
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
perhaps one of the presets will be,
"I SHIT ON THE COUCH!"
@Jawajohn
More like
" Just ate my owner's homework"
;D
@brr404
Dude, that's a legit excuse for not having your homework.
On a side note: the speech to text for this thing must be amazing!
@Jawajohn
while I really have to question the maturity of Mattel Corp for this utterly useless device... I think it might be at least a bit entertaining if they had some sort of API (or something) that would allow the owner to modify the preset tweet text.
@br0adcast
definitely agreed.
It'd be interesting to see what owners change the presets to.
@Jawajohn
If that were a tweet, it would actually be useful. I could just image the shmuck who sees a tweet that his dog shat on the couch while he's at work!
LMAO XD
@br0adcast,
Apparently there haven't been enough layoffs at Mattel yet. I'd start with anyone who knew of this idea and didn't immediately try to kill it.
This will be super useful on micheal vick's dogs.
@yoavraccah
A lot of people are saying that. I doubt they would add a message about an animal being abused anyways. And if they did, who would be investigating? How would people be able to tell that the dog wasn't just feeling pain from being sick, or a recent surgery?
@Hahhah313
You're taking this way too seriously
@Hahhah313
lol you're a fucking idiot
@TonyMontana2367 Lmfao that shit cracked me up +1
I know of a big cave where we can hide from the general public once they get a hold of devastating technology like this. We can become super advanced mole people. WHO'S WITH ME?
@Karate Tortoise Im in! :P
@Karate Tortoise
Of the innumerable moments I've been embarrassed of the general public, this might just take the cake. Count me in.
Hah.. Wow.. Really? I understand how this is an advancement in technology, but I don't understand why we need this. Do we really need to alert everyone everytime our dogs bark?
ook...
What if your dog got loose and was running around town? This thing could search for a wifi spot and send out a location tweet. IE: "Chowin down at the Subway on 2nd!"
@Jeff
If I seen that my dog was eating Subway without me, I might forget to hang up the missing-puppy fliers. ;)
@br0adcast Notice he didn't say "at Subway" he said "at the subway". Still if that happened I would just wait and see where he would go next.
How does this work? Wifi? Intended use aside, This might actually be an awesome thing to hack, if possible. I'd pay $30 for an accelerometer and microphone that send twitter updates via wifi.
On the other hand, it might just be a glorified pedometer that syncs to your computer for non-real-time dog tweets.
Still, as the proud owner of the internet's only auto-twittering haiku-writing feline, I'd like to know more about this technology
http://www.johnlandis.net/haiku.php
We know what the most popular pre-set tweet will be:
"Squirrel!"
@Samurai Jack You win (as my tablet nearly gets covered with Pepsi) :)
My master gave me this collar so that I may tweet.....SQUIRREL!
@Samurai Jack It is funny because the squirrel gets dead!
ive been looking everywhere for one of these!
who cares about the apple itablet this is the future
A POX, I SAY! A POX UPON TWITTER!!!!!!!!
If there was a way to hack this to say something funny or interesting it might be worth it. I should get my dogs twitter accounts AND facebook accounts.
There's one of these for babies too.
Not even a post like this escapes the clutches of Apple references..
I am sadly one of *those* people who will happily pay money for one of these for my dog.
m
I'm getting this for my cat
@xberxinfinity it won't work
@(Unverified)
True. It clearly states for dogs. I mean, its called PUPPYtweet.
Not puppy/kitty/turtle/gerbel/hamsterTweet.
And I thought that we'd be able to hold off on mentioning apple for but one post...guess not. Especially in such a related article...Steve Jobs has a dog right?
My puppy is so over twitter. That's so 2009.
"Then you have to weep gently for the future of our society."
I'll be weeping, but this calls for more than gentle weeping. More like weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth.
"Apple might think it's going to change the world tomorrow with some sort of crazy tablet (...)"
...No...YOU think apple is going to change the world tomorrow.
Thank god my dog doesn't use his Zune HD anymore
Family Guy's Brian might become a reality one day?? hahaha