Researchers to map Ozzy Osbourne's genome

Ozzy Osbourne is about to join the ranks of a very fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on how you look at it) minority. DNA research lab Knome has announced that it is going to sequence the lead singer of Black Sabbath's entire genome. Knome, -- which focuses on DNA sequencing in the interest of disease research -- has said that Ozzy's "extreme" medical history (i.e., years of hard partying) makes him an ideal candidate for their purposes. Very few people have had their entire DNA mapped, and the sequencing will take about 3 months to complete, so we'll just have to make do by watching the video after the break until we get the results.

[rekit Posted Jun 16th 2010 1:02PM]

WTF!

[who said what Posted Jun 16th 2010 1:04PM]

@rekit

Did they find any bat s*** in there?

[kineticdamage Posted Jun 16th 2010 1:27PM]

@rekit

in before "Black Sabbath 2065".

[Smart People Play Tuba Posted Jun 16th 2010 1:45PM]

His DNA is composed entirely of metal.

[Plazmic Flame Posted Jun 16th 2010 1:55PM]

@rekit

Is this how the clone wars begins??

[WebOn Posted Jun 16th 2010 4:16PM]

@rekit yeah I can wait for this to come out:

ATCATCGTCTGACTGCOKEATGCTGCATDEVILACGTCGATBATCGTCA

[unzarjones Posted Jun 16th 2010 6:05PM]

@Smart People Play Tuba
But it started out as hard rock.

[Smart People Play Tuba Posted Jun 17th 2010 12:51PM]

@WebOn

So, wait . . . the DNA is being read out-loud by The Waterboy's mom?

[greezyg Posted Jun 17th 2010 7:33PM]

@WebOn Ah Ah.. I see what ya did there ;)

[AWBrisebois Posted Jun 16th 2010 1:04PM]

The Prince of Darkness.

[theweeklymancast dave Posted Jun 16th 2010 1:04PM]

This is exciting. I hope we figure out which gene caused the whole bat incident.

[sevenVIIghosts Posted Jun 16th 2010 1:06PM]

Now we can have proof that Ozzy is really a muppet

[RDM Posted Jun 16th 2010 1:09PM]

Why?

[Darth Binks Posted Jun 16th 2010 1:18PM]

Did Sharon tell Ozzie she signed him up for this?

[juanvaldez Posted Jun 16th 2010 1:18PM]

Wait, Black Sabbath is back together? ;)

[TheHoldSteady Posted Jun 16th 2010 1:20PM]

Or, as Ozzy himself put it: "weahosdsa barandfn sdkf k qutrt quofomr pqosy SHARON auf uy sadusomma suqeroeoar."

[PurpleFries Posted Jun 16th 2010 6:57PM]

@TheHoldSteady You missed the *bleeep*s

[Marked Posted Jun 16th 2010 1:26PM]

I'm no medical expert, but I'm pretty sure you can't "change" your DNA short of mutating it. mapping his genome might give you some medical reasons for what makes a person go on a 40-year bender, but it's not going to shed any light on what it does to your DNA.

otherwise "oh hey, the cops are about to bust me. I better go do this line of coke and change my DNA"

[AnotherAlex Posted Jun 16th 2010 2:03PM]

@Marked
Maybe is exactly mutations what they're looking for. There are parts that are unique for each person, but some are very similar (conserved is the word) among all of us. They may look for mutations in those sequences. Also, there are "hotspots" that are sites frequently mutated by carcinogens.
Last, but not least, there is a need to keep publicity on the genome project, since now the goal is to sequence hundreds of thousands of people to have an idea of genomic variability. Publicity makes it easier to obtain the funds to do it...

[madgamer2000 Posted Jun 16th 2010 6:18PM]

@Marked I dont think they were looking for change so much as what the difference between his and a normal person's DNA might be. I mean, you obviously can't kill him by normal means, so maybe there is something interesting in there that could help with longevity research or something.

[obiterdictum Posted Jun 17th 2010 10:12PM]

@madgamer2000 LOL. Essentially, you're saying that Ozzy holds the secret to the Fountain of Youth.

[HW90 Posted Jun 16th 2010 1:43PM]

why would you map someone's entire DNA, only like 0.1% of it applies to our differences when it comes to species

[AnotherAlex Posted Jun 16th 2010 2:05PM]

@HW90
First, that is a false statement.
Second, the answer was given twenty years ago. And proved every day after that in any biomedical sciences lab.

[lnm4444 Posted Jun 16th 2010 1:45PM]

He's a rock god, he can do what we mere mortals can't and he gets to go to the Good Hell when his body gives up. To the person in charge of this post, put something harder that the Lita Ford duet, such as Hellraiser.

[Releaux Posted Jun 16th 2010 3:16PM]

At last, we'll get definitive proof of the existence of the Crazy Train gene.

@Smart People Play Tuba, epic comment.

[kenjennings Posted Jun 16th 2010 3:46PM]

Huh. I'd have expected them to start sequencing genes from someone who isn't quite so defective.

[BuzzMega Posted Jun 16th 2010 4:48PM]

One Week Later

Herbie, come here, you're not going to believe this!

Whadda ya got?

It's Ozzie's DNA. Take a look!

What's the magnification?

1000 X. I didn't think DNA could do that!

Pretty strange, all right. It looks like it's chewing something.

[CavemanOOGA Posted Jun 16th 2010 4:55PM]

Why couldn't they do this shit with Dio???

[John Doe Posted Jun 16th 2010 5:28PM]

So we'll soon learn that Ozzy isn't human eh....cool.

[joelaf Posted Jun 16th 2010 5:29PM]

"genome"? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

[icon808 Posted Jun 16th 2010 7:15PM]

An Ozzy gnome would look great on my front yard...scare the stray dogs away.... Wait...it's genome, not gnome... Nevermind

[prometeum Posted Jun 16th 2010 8:34PM]

... and they found that cocain is composed by cromosomes.

[ukimalefu Posted Jun 17th 2010 10:32AM]

http://pedalfetish.net/eshop/catalog/images/bark-at-the-moon.jpg