Apple 'Friend Bar' will coddle and nourish your inner fanboy (video)
By Vlad Savov 
posted July 8th 2010 5:14AM
posted July 8th 2010 5:14AM
posted July 8th 2010 5:14AM
A look back on popular stories from today in a specific year.
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@100rabh
Erm, you do know who The Onion are, right?
This isn't *real* Apple news, it's a parody, highlighting how tiresome Apple fanboyz are. This post is a sign that Engadget *aren't* one sided apple fans (well, at least Vlad isn't ;-)
@100rabh
You know this isn't real news, right?
It's a report about a joke that's actually funny, just like when they did the one about the MacBook wheel. Look it up, the Onion news network is the best, also watch tge o e about Lil Wayne.
The one* (now it's fixed)
Stupid iPhone keyboard.
/s
Waiting for apple iChick your droid girlfriend she Will do everything you want just for $100 monthly buying time with itunes and not hackable.
I wanna hear more about the Tibetan Monks
@Beatnik ironically its apple and droid coming together...hahaha. their first collaboration
"Apple iFriends, for those who can't find one"
@Gavin M As in being sarcastic that the iPhone keyboard is stupid? Cause it's a great keyboard, one of the best, and it's actually one of the "smartest" in terms of autocorrection, because it has programmed, words that people often misspell on a touchscreen keyboard because you hit the letter one to the left of each one, for example: rgw, r is one over from t, g is one over from h, and w is one over from e, and while I was typing rgw, "the" showed up under it asking to correct if
@That guy 2
I thought idevices could get you chicks? I know a couple of users on here that could really use this. Haha
@Sheldon
so its not okay for a tech blog to post a funny video about a popular electronics company?
@Gavin M
thanks for the suggestion i cant believe i missed that one
@Sheldon The Onion is the bussiness! Have you seen thier Macbook Wheel Parody?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BnLbv6QYcA
@Firehazel
I'll buy almost anything if it's shiny and made by Apple.
Classic!
Can't wait to get my own iStore!
Remember kids, they are only nice to you because they want your money. :)
@Discourse Every year, for a device that apparently doesn't know how to make a call!
Seriously?
@stevowils No
An update that berates Apple and its fans?
Did someone hack Engadget?
@TheSpoonyBard
Are you saying the turds haven't earned it?
@TheSpoonyBard
it does no such thing
it makes fun of the crazy fanboys who think apple is their Allah God or Buddah
@DefPoet Yah, the annoying ones that literally buy every apple product, I know someone with an iPhone 4 who has had every iPhone, has had many macs in the past, he has an iPad, maybe even more than one, but probably not, and I'm sure he has apple tv and a ton of iPods, and probably iPod touches for his kids, and when my dad had the droid eris, this guy said "I could never have a screen that small" which I agree but he sounded like such a high-and-mighty apple fanboy, the only thing I have is an itouch, and my old square iPod nano, which I got free a while ago
This can't possibly be true 0.o
Perfect for us with no friends!
@Marko
Speak on your own behalf *cough
I love The Onion News :')
The macbook with ipod scrolling wheel was my favourite
L. O. FUCKING L
APPLE IS FUCKING iPWNED!
I fucking love The Onion!
Is this like the German bar where Gizmodo picked up poor Grey's iPhone 4 before launch?
this reminds me of a confession booth without the booth.
Oh Yes. Very interesting sir. LOL.
Apple fanboys are probably desperately trying to find this store and app now.
@Bervick
Yeah, I even went to the Apple website looking for it! Guess the joke's on me. :)
@Bervick Wait I think I just got it, was it a joke saying that apple fanboys have no friends and now apple has a bar that can give them friends? Haha funny!
@NathanAppleGuy
The parody [also] talks about a call center being ready to take calls. Therefore, I was implying being able to (not physically) "chat" with a remote person in a call center. Via an app/website/telephone call (if the bars are there) was left to the reader. Of course, the iStore/bar alluded to a physical place to froth about.
Joke may not be on you/sarcasm. But its clearly a joke on Apple and its customers.Can't be denied. Unless the Futurama eyePhone parody is not parody/joke on "apple guys" too. In that case - alrighty then.
@That guy 2
I did not say that. Others did. Perhaps your comment was misplaced.
Try this
http://www.tuaw.com/2010/07/06/proximity-sensor-woes-caused-by-reflective-ear-canal/
I'm almost offended at how few people know the onion and think this is a real story
@mark29 i agree. people are too busy trying to read comments so they can come up with some half-wit retort. The Onion is amazingly awesome
... while it will kill your inner child: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOEKBC1JPz4
No need for a friend bar. Most Apple store employees are too busy talking to each other to even talk to you. I only go into the chaos that is the Apple store when I absolutely must make a purchase that I can't online. I often see groups of employees standing around talking to each other because, you know, they have important conversations to have when customers are in the store. That pisses me off so I like to go up to the groups of snobby apple employees and ask their hourly-retail-employee asses "sorry to interrupt your personal conversation but I need some help"
Apple does not need to ever open a friend bar. The employees are too busy being friends with on another.
@giulio
Omg be quiet who cares about your little giddy fit, I'm pretty sure they dont, and I'm pretty sure when you leave they laugh at how much of a prick you were. Get over yourself. They're normal people, not your personal iprostitues's
@giulio
Hissy fit*
@Cokemanpac I'm not having a fit I'm simply calling it like it is. I've successfully managed retail teams for retail companies before. If the consumer is going to be paying full retail for a product then what you have to be competitive is customer service. If their's no customer service then you don't got anything to be competitive except in the case of the Apple store, perhaps what they got is fan boys who buy anything that Apple makes without question.
I love Apple products. That's all I own but the Apple store experience is lacking. The Genius bar people are awesome but its the front line retail drones that need to step up. Of my last three Mac's purchased I've gone into the store to make the purchase at full retail expecting something called customer service. Not to have my ass kissed but to be treated like a valuable customer. All three times I ended up purchasing my Mac's online saving some cash and paying no tax.
Most (not all) Apple store employees think they are some sort of elitist creative artist type, they have a lack of service and pretentiousness I'd expect in high end art galleries. Perhaps its because they are either in college our just out of school. When they find out that what I do for a living is what they dream about doing (successful full time artist) then their attitude changes and now I get some decent customer service.
Apple has forgotten what it was like to be the Apple of the 90's when they sucked. If they are not careful they'll go back to that era. Certainly they will when Jobs bites it.
@giulio
More than likely they made whatever sales figure that was set for the month/day. I've worked in a few different retail locations and have noticed that as soon as anyone from management says that they daily/monthly sales figures have been met interest by the employees in actually doing anything seems to drop off by a lot.
@admlshake I can see that happening. The Apple retail stores get massive traffic and sell far more profitable items like $34 plastic iphone cases then computers. Although Apple store employees don't work on commission they do get reviewed based in large part as to how many Apple Care plans they sell which are upwards of 85% profit.
We can never forget that although Apple is a really cool company they are not our friend, they are in business only to make a profit and are like any other company.
@giulio sounds like most retail environments. you will always run into the unmotivated employee who can care less about anything, the over achieving employee of the month and those who are there to do their job.
the only time i feel "helped" and i get prompt "service" is when i am in a store that is commissioned based. they want that sale cause thats how they get paid.
retail is retail. wether its apple, best buy, target, etc. its easy to use apple as a scapegoat right now because they are highly popular and people cant stand to see the product that they support not be #1. when the switch of android taking the number 1 slot you will see all the "android fanboys" taking over the roll of the "apple fanboys".
if you look at the big picture. both android fans and apple fans act exactly the same when it comes to the product they support.
that video of the iphone seeking "bear" acting like a robot is the same way a person would act goign into a verizon store looking for a droid x.
what we have in common is we love gadgets.
You are so late posting this news article, Engadget. This concerns me greatly.
The onion has been full of apple parodies over the years. Who could forget the Apple One Click!
http://www.theonion.com/video/apple-introduces-revolutionary-new-laptop-with-no,14299/
If there's one thing Apple needs, it's more bars
(I hope the original article didn't already make this joke)
The best line - "A Multinational Consumer Products Corporation that people can relate to...." Love it.