There's a good chance you think mainframes are about as cool as pocket protectors, your parents on Facebook, and COBOL... the latter of which, of course, is largely executed on mainframes. If so, stand still while IBM blows the doors (and the dust) off of your mainframe misconceptions with its new zEnterprise 196, offering 96 5.2GHz cores, 3TB of RAM, and hot swappable I/O drawers for when you need to change pants in a hurry. All this is said to boost performance by 60 percent compared to its predecessor, the z10, while also reducing energy consumption by a claimed 80 percent -- though that could be compared to people sitting in tanning booths performing calculations with abacuses for all we know. However, you can drop consumption a further 12 percent by opting for the water cooling system, nice if your AC unit is already struggling. IBM will start shipping these behemoths sometime in the last quarter of this year and didn't mention pre-orders, so get ready to rent the biggest truck you can find and camp out in Armonk if you want yours on release day.