Statistics shocker: nine million Brits say they've never been online, seven million claim they don't know what a 'boffin' is

Nine million British citizens -- many of them senior citizens -- have never been online, according to a recent study conducted by the Office for National Statistics in London. Several factors increase the likelihood that one doesn't regularly log on to the web, they say, including a lack of education, low income, widowhood, and advanced age. While 38 million British citizens now regularly use the internet, the rest -- nearly 19 percent -- remain offline, missing out on the ability to purchase tons of awesome stuff at "discounted" prices, check out their class reunions on Facebook, flame on Engadget, and Tweet suggestive pics at Chace Crawford. Just kidding: the internet is a wonderland and we can't wait to get those 'silver surfers' in on the action.