Look, we don't know what the Air Force sent the unmanned X-37B into space
for, or why they didn't offer us a ride, but we're pretty sure whatever it was it was awesome. The spaceplane is now back on solid ground, and apparently it completed all of its orbital objectives during its seven month trip, which were supposedly mostly diagnostic self-tests. According to The Man
, anyway. Still, we could swear we spotted some laser blast holes and a self-satisfied, Tom Cruisian smirk on the X-37B when it thought nobody was looking, which confirms all of our worst suspicions: there is extraterrestrial life, and it's totally badass, and only highly trained space fighter jockeys can save us.