Super Taser sports extra electrode for double the fun

Nothing get us going in the morning like a good tasering to the torso, but sometimes when we're getting our crime on during the winter months, it takes the cops two or three shots to penetrate our bulky Starter jackets. Well Taser International is fully aware of this problem -- apparently it happens not only with layered clothing but furry animals as well -- and has been furiously conducting government-sponsored R&D so that even the most padded criminal or woolliest feral cat can be dropped with just one round. To accomplish this lofty goal, experts in "non-lethal" weaponry have developed a projectile that, unlike traditional models, contains electrodes on both ends; if the first shock isn't enough to make the target lose control of his/her muscles and bodily functions, he/she will instinctively grab (or in the case of a malicious squirrel, bite) the barbs and try to remove them -- resulting in a second, unprotected shock from the electrode at the other end. Very clever stuff, really; there's nothing like turning people's own instincts against them in order to ensure compliance. We'll report back on the effects after we get stunned with one of these new devices for the first time, although if you're the type who prefers to pull off your capers without getting electrocuted, we suggest that you start wearing some thick ski gloves on your heists as well.

[Aaron @ Dec 18th 2006 6:48PM]

I'm totally hitting Santa with one of those!

[Brian @ Dec 18th 2006 7:03PM]

*ZZZt*
Hey Mikey, I Think he Likes It!

[Justin Wong @ Dec 18th 2006 7:04PM]

For a second there, I thought we were talking about laser tag, and that we were gonna have shocking ones.

[Justin Wong @ Dec 18th 2006 7:05PM]

Wait wait wait... what happens if their wearing insulated gloves and such?

[Ben @ Dec 18th 2006 7:10PM]

Going to pull out the projectile isn't always the best idea! Look at Steve Irwin!

[John Doe @ Dec 18th 2006 7:28PM]

Huh? The guy was killed by a stingray who's tail penetrated his heart.

[Ayle @ Dec 18th 2006 7:49PM]

But ther is another guy who's also been hit in the heart by a stingray and the doctors said that if he had tried to remove the stings by himself he would have died for sure.

[netdroid9 @ Dec 18th 2006 7:50PM]

From what I heard, he would've survived if he hadn't pulled the barb out.

[Nate @ Dec 18th 2006 7:42PM]

Yes but there was something about it causing more damage when he pulled it out. Supposedly his chances of living would have been greater if he hadn't pulled it out.

[TTX1 @ Dec 18th 2006 8:02PM]

these guys were demo'ing their wares on willing volunteers last year at CES - mostly union crew guys who were all too eager to demo their own abilities. one guy remained standing for like 30+ seconds. a horrifying display...

[TechSay @ Dec 18th 2006 8:50PM]

Hmmmm. Maybe I will pass on that course. Defraging a drive is painful enough sometimes.

[Beefman @ Dec 18th 2006 11:04PM]

Jane never quite realized just how good primal scream therapy could feel until she did it with a partner...

[John from Buffalo @ Dec 18th 2006 11:16PM]

That's SOOOO freegen American 101. I think every solider in Iraq should be equipted withe two of these. Instead of point a gun, a nice shot to the leg of an operative would put some spunk back into the life of urban warfare. That's fo sho, beyatches.

[Juaquin @ Dec 19th 2006 12:12AM]

Remember, kids. Don't try to pull the barbs out if they didn't work the first time! Wow Taser, nice solution. I'm sure it will take criminals so long to figure this one out..

[Taylor @ Dec 19th 2006 4:25AM]

i really feel like i wouldn't be too eager to grab ANY tazer electrodes, but what do i know?
-Taylor

[Isaac @ Dec 19th 2006 9:16AM]

Right. 'cause when you get bit by a tick, mosquito, or spider, you NEVER slap it (and thereby driving it's mandibles deeper into your skin and raising potential for infection). 'cause you know better, right? Uh huh. So if you're in the middle of a high adrenaline situation (i.e. running from or confronting the police), and you get poked really hard with something really sharp, your conscious, intelligent mind will make you stop and tell you, "Don't touch it!" and you won't. Right? No seriously, think about it. How often have you burned your hand on a pot or baking sheet, even knowing it was hot, but just...forgetting for a split second? Or any type of injury that afterwards you were thinking "Damnit, that was really stupid of me."

I think it's a pretty novel idea. Would you rather they stick to bullets?

[LAArt B @ Dec 19th 2006 10:14PM]

Where's the photo from? The yelling blonde looks just like my ex-gf, and her buddy is a former EMT, but what are the odds?