Nothing get us going in the morning like a good tasering
to the torso, but sometimes when we're getting our crime on during the winter months, it takes the cops two or three shots to penetrate our bulky Starter jackets. Well Taser International is fully aware of this problem -- apparently it happens not only with layered clothing but furry animals as well -- and has been furiously conducting government-sponsored R&D so that even the most padded criminal or woolliest feral cat can be dropped with just one round. To accomplish this lofty goal, experts in "non
" weaponry have developed a projectile that, unlike traditional models, contains electrodes on both ends; if the first shock isn't enough to make the target lose control of his/her muscles and bodily functions, he/she will instinctively grab (or in the case of a malicious squirrel, bite) the barbs and try to remove them -- resulting in a second, unprotected shock from the electrode at the other end. Very clever stuff, really; there's nothing like turning people's own instincts against them in order to ensure compliance. We'll report back on the effects after we get stunned with one of these new devices for the first time, although if you're the type who prefers to pull off your capers without getting electrocuted, we suggest that you start wearing some thick ski gloves on your heists as well.