Movie Gadget Friday: Weird Science
By Ariel Waldman 
posted Aug 28th 2009 3:31PM
posted Aug 28th 2009 3:31PM
Ariel Waldman contributes Movie Gadget Friday, where she highlights the lovable and lame gadgets from the world of cinema.
We last left off on the cyberpunk streets of LA in Strange Days. This week, in honor of the loss of the man behind so many 1980's icons, Movie Gadget Friday is paying homage to filmmaker John Hughes with a look into the 1985 cult-classic Weird Science. Tapping into the geek-fiction fantasies of most tinkering teenagers, real-life gadget specs are stretched to surreal capabilities to create the ultimate female bombshell. It's without surprise that the character's name, Lisa, was inspired by the Apple Lisa, Apple's first GUI computer.
AI Feed Scanner
Optimized for visual perception and decision-making, this artificial intelligence feed scanner is capable of discerning what different types of matchmaking data you want to focus on from scanning photos. Photos of Einstein will alert the connected computer to concentrate on neural input while photos from Playboy toggle focus onto body part assimilation, using three-dimensional analysis of tissue, scaling and structure. The intelligence precision comes in handy for heterosexual males when scanning in David Lee Roth for personality and not physical features. While the software maintains a high level of intellect, the hardware itself is less than insightful. With over 30 check-engine-type lights that flicker around aimlessly to display the action of data being analyzed and a variety of similarly useless buttons to push, we're unsure if the artificial intelligence this gadget exhibits is much more than that of a Magic 8 Ball.
Memotech MTX512 with FDX add-on
With its British-engineering and pricey-but-perfect FDX add-on for your 5.25" floppy disk needs, this microcomputer has a lot up its sleeve. Black aluminum casing ensures that attempts to turn off the computer using a baseball bat will be thwarted, as well as adds a refined touch to its raw data-crunching power. By connecting to an AI feed scanner, MTX512 takes over where the scan analysis leaves off, translating neural and physical input data into DNA code formation. From running .sim files and futuristic visualizations using an advanced video board to harnessing enough computing and electrical power to create human clones, Memotech MTX512 packs a punch that other personal computers will surely try to catch up with for decades to come.
If you have the time, the Zilog Z80 8-bit microprocessor is susceptible to some great hacks. Some simple electrical wiring from the CPU hooked up to a barbie doll enables the data-to-DNA transfer to begin. Once in place, hitting Enter should do the rest, transforming the barbie doll into your rockin' hot girlfriend, per your input specifications. Hackers may not want to try this at home, though, as the processing power needed to run this program typically results in electrical and washing machine explosions for a few blocks in all directions. Though impressive on its own, we've heard reports of needing to hack into the Pentagon to increase intellectual bandwidth if you want your creation to stand a fighting chance on Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?.
Crypto-Smasher V3.10
Crypto-Smasher V3.10 is a great application for those who want to crack into the Pentagon's mainframe. By establishing parity frequency responses with the government, the app leads you through a series of virtual pentagon-shaped corridors and gates, visualizing your many command-line entries as a maze. Feature specs include entry mode search, memory sector selector, encoding command shell scripts, and access to up-to 3000 Mbytes. Beware of coming across skull and crossbones in the visualization, as this typically alerts the Pentagon of your unauthorized presence in their system and prompts security personnel to manually type in ACCESS DENIED as a warning. Technologically, we still have some questions left unanswered; like how the software manages to overcome the technical limitations of an acoustic coupler modem to hack into military computer systems.
Ariel Waldman is a digital anthropologist and the founder of Spacehack.org, a directory of ways to participate in space exploration.
AI Feed Scanner
Optimized for visual perception and decision-making, this artificial intelligence feed scanner is capable of discerning what different types of matchmaking data you want to focus on from scanning photos. Photos of Einstein will alert the connected computer to concentrate on neural input while photos from Playboy toggle focus onto body part assimilation, using three-dimensional analysis of tissue, scaling and structure. The intelligence precision comes in handy for heterosexual males when scanning in David Lee Roth for personality and not physical features. While the software maintains a high level of intellect, the hardware itself is less than insightful. With over 30 check-engine-type lights that flicker around aimlessly to display the action of data being analyzed and a variety of similarly useless buttons to push, we're unsure if the artificial intelligence this gadget exhibits is much more than that of a Magic 8 Ball.
Memotech MTX512 with FDX add-on
With its British-engineering and pricey-but-perfect FDX add-on for your 5.25" floppy disk needs, this microcomputer has a lot up its sleeve. Black aluminum casing ensures that attempts to turn off the computer using a baseball bat will be thwarted, as well as adds a refined touch to its raw data-crunching power. By connecting to an AI feed scanner, MTX512 takes over where the scan analysis leaves off, translating neural and physical input data into DNA code formation. From running .sim files and futuristic visualizations using an advanced video board to harnessing enough computing and electrical power to create human clones, Memotech MTX512 packs a punch that other personal computers will surely try to catch up with for decades to come.
If you have the time, the Zilog Z80 8-bit microprocessor is susceptible to some great hacks. Some simple electrical wiring from the CPU hooked up to a barbie doll enables the data-to-DNA transfer to begin. Once in place, hitting Enter should do the rest, transforming the barbie doll into your rockin' hot girlfriend, per your input specifications. Hackers may not want to try this at home, though, as the processing power needed to run this program typically results in electrical and washing machine explosions for a few blocks in all directions. Though impressive on its own, we've heard reports of needing to hack into the Pentagon to increase intellectual bandwidth if you want your creation to stand a fighting chance on Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?.
Crypto-Smasher V3.10
Crypto-Smasher V3.10 is a great application for those who want to crack into the Pentagon's mainframe. By establishing parity frequency responses with the government, the app leads you through a series of virtual pentagon-shaped corridors and gates, visualizing your many command-line entries as a maze. Feature specs include entry mode search, memory sector selector, encoding command shell scripts, and access to up-to 3000 Mbytes. Beware of coming across skull and crossbones in the visualization, as this typically alerts the Pentagon of your unauthorized presence in their system and prompts security personnel to manually type in ACCESS DENIED as a warning. Technologically, we still have some questions left unanswered; like how the software manages to overcome the technical limitations of an acoustic coupler modem to hack into military computer systems.
Ariel Waldman is a digital anthropologist and the founder of Spacehack.org, a directory of ways to participate in space exploration.
Jagshemash! Iz Nize, I like! How much?
He don't even have his license, Lisa.
Ahhh! You beat me to it.
her left boob must be feeling uncomfortable.........
That depends on who is doing the feeling...
AM watching this tonight!
In the family jewels
Sorry Engadget, but this was one of the more forgettable movies of the early 80's and doesn't even compare with WARGAMES.
Would you like to play a game?
misses the point...
It is an homage to John Hughes, who died a few weeks ago.
just for that I ought to give you a set of elephant balls!
Yeah, John Hughes whatever, Weird Science still sucked.
xcrunk, 14 year olds were not even alive in the 80s so you don't get a vote.
Yet another great Bill Paxton movie. Man, that dude's in everything.
of course
That's cause Bill Paxton is The Man.
Loved this movied growing up. I always wanted to take a shower with her, like they did, only minus the jeans.
And minus the other guy I'd hope.
Highest Ranked Homophobe
What, you like hanging out with other naked guys?
kimme the keys, I'll drive!
How's about a greasy pork sandwich, served in a dirty ashtray?
Man I loved that movie. I had a friend who had it on tape - we must have watched it 50 times.
It's purely sexual.
I only clicked on this because of the beautiful looking 8-inch floppy disk. Succulent if you ask me.
That's a 5.25" floppy diskette. The indexing hole was close to the centerline on an 8" floppy disk. Plus, they're you know, bigger.
Anything more then a hanfdful, you're looking for a thumb-sprain.
Your VCR should cover it.
For starters!
We forgot to hook up the doll!
DRINK IT!
(For those who love this movie, you know what scene this is from. Great delivery of this line.)
I just want to mention Anthony Michael-Hall was also associated with floppy disks in another John Hughes movie, "Sixteen Candles" where as "the geek" he bet a box of floppy disks (which we all know are very expensive) that he could get into Molly Ringwald's characters' pants.
Come to think of it, adding in Ferris Bueller's Day Off (where Ferris puts a 5.25" floppy his Emulator II) and John Hughes pretty much was the floppy disk director in the 80s.
count me in
These articles are hysterical. I can think of dozens of movies off the top of my head whose ridiculous use of technology would be perfect for this.
This needs to be a regular feature. Does it actually run every Friday? I hadn't really noticed it until now.
Time has taken its toll on her.
http://eddiebear.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/wenn1632261.jpg
Yikes!
hmmmm
A decade of getting violated by Steven Segal will do that to a woman.
bartender: so what will you have?
jerk at the party: scotch!
bartender: straight up?
jerk at the party: nah, just give me the whole bottle.
bartender: tell you what, how bout I shove this bottle straight up your ass!
jerk at the party: on the rocks is fine...
Lisa = hottest 80's movie girl ever?
EVERY DAMN NIGHT!?!?!?
on the telephone??
on the telephone??
What this boy talkin' bout on the telephone, man?
I came here just for that dialog. Thank you ctrlfreq, msamuel0, Ethan Rom and Matt. You just made my day!
She kicked you in the nuts?
She did what?!
She kicked him in the nut and called him f*g in front of everybody.
Lisa makes my Wiimote rise.
What's a beautiful woman like you doing wit a malaka like dis?
She's into malakas, Dino.
Fats, man. Lemme tell you my story, man. Lass year, I was insane for this crazy little eighth grade bitch.
Crazy insane?
Insane?
Crazy?
I was nuts for the woman, man.