Forever White Headset plays music to your ears while bleaching your teeth

This one took us a while to figure out, but here's the deal: you apply a hydrogen peroxide gel to your teeth, use the included cheek retractors (we're not kidding) to stretch out into a horrifying smile, and let the blue LEDs activate the gel's superpowers. To fill the one-hour treatment time with something other than thinking about where your vanity has led you, the kit also comes with "a real, high-quality MUSIC HEADSET" (aka headphones) that you can hook up to an MP3 player. The wholesale site even advertises "terrific high-profit margins," which we reckon might be the truest thing about this product.

[SolidSnake Posted May 20th 2010 5:59AM]

"terrific high-profit margins,"
At least they were honest......

[AdmAckbar Posted May 20th 2010 6:14AM]

@SolidSnake it's a trap!

[DarkGrimoire Posted May 20th 2010 7:30AM]

@SolidSnake

Does it result in bluetooth?

[Kurian Posted May 20th 2010 8:17AM]

They forgot to mention the lower half of your face turns into an Orc after exposure.

[thisNthat Posted May 20th 2010 8:58AM]

@SolidSnake

Wearing this, turn on Skype and call your girl friend.

[mynameisjay Posted May 20th 2010 11:17AM]

@DarkGrimoire A+

[Slappy Wag Posted May 20th 2010 11:21AM]

@SolidSnake

Grrr... god damn comment system. Let's try this again, shall we?

Add a wig and you have Ronald McDonald.

[Bratan Posted May 20th 2010 5:45PM]

@DarkGrimoire LOL, so that's how they came up with bluetooth Headset :)

[KosherTelephone Posted May 20th 2010 6:03AM]

this is terrifying

[KAL326 Posted May 20th 2010 9:21AM]

@KosherTelephone No joke, through on some bottom armor and it looks like something straight out of Doom3.

[SLINC Posted May 20th 2010 9:34AM]

@KosherTelephone

I am sure Hannibal Lecter will offer this as a new option for his guests...

[Alex89 Posted May 20th 2010 6:04AM]

Imma chargin' mah lazer!

[tobsmonster2 Posted May 20th 2010 6:04AM]

@Alex89
my roflcopter goes SOI SOI SOI SOI

[Wiggy Fuzz Posted May 20th 2010 9:07AM]

@Alex89

comment of the day :D

+ ranked

[samuelgibbs Posted May 20th 2010 6:05AM]

Really? I mean, come on, if it's that important to have white teeth, surely you can just use your own earphones?

[Alv Posted May 20th 2010 6:05AM]

noo! that's just wrong

[TheFuzzball Posted May 20th 2010 6:09AM]

I must have them! Mainly so I can walk around at the night time looking like some sort of Borg...

[mayhem121 Posted May 20th 2010 6:12AM]

That's what i'll be wearing for haloween this year

[brrip Posted May 20th 2010 6:14AM]

@mayhem121 no way you're gonna get drunk and make out in that

[mmauve Posted May 20th 2010 6:14AM]

This device makes me want to have kids for the sole purpose of reading them bedtime stories with this hanus device on my face, permanently ingraining fear and terror into their souls for all eternity.

[brrip Posted May 20th 2010 6:15AM]

@mmauve read? really? i reckon you could barely even grunt with those things on.

[mmauve Posted May 20th 2010 6:20AM]

@brrip probably not, which would further add to the disturbing experience

[loocas Posted May 20th 2010 7:12PM]

@mmauve Jesus man! :D I fucking laughed my ass off!


* reaches to open a nearby window *

[mrtnrwn Posted May 20th 2010 6:15AM]

Nice mouth-cancer gadget.

UV all over the mouth... awesome.

[Art Posted May 20th 2010 6:46AM]

@mrtnrwn

This uses blue LEDs which emit near-UV light, but not actually UV.

The blue light will encourage the peroxide gel to break down in to radicals though, which are nasty and potentially carcinogenic.

[j o q Posted May 20th 2010 7:51AM]

@Art

If it breaks down a hydrocarbon chances are damn good its a mutagen

[Art Posted May 20th 2010 10:44AM]

@j o q

Hydrogen peroxide isn't a hydrocarbon: it's like water, but with an extra hydrogen (so it's H202 instead of H20).

I'm assuming there's nothing else in this gel that breaks down though, you never know what other gunk they've got in it.

[patmo141 Posted May 20th 2010 11:31AM]

@Art

Yeah, this has bad news written all over it. You know all that "anti-oxidant" cancer preventing hype? Well the actual rational is that ant-oxidants are there to take the hit which free radicals would have normally dealt to your fragile DNA molecules (in simple terms). And hitting peroxides w/ near UV is like a free radical factory...right next to your fragile and absorbent oral and gingival mucosa. There is no evidence yet which supports increased cancer risk as a result of whitening, but that just mean the risk hasn't been assessed yet. So I hope people are prudent in their use of this device.

[Retroman87 Posted May 20th 2010 6:15AM]

I thought there was an app for that

[kineticdamage Posted May 20th 2010 6:16AM]

Or you could just stop smoking.

[shortcipher Posted May 20th 2010 6:23AM]

Dilbert has of course been here before... http://www.dilbert.com/fast/2003-06-09/

[Gregorian Posted May 20th 2010 6:28AM]

For the man who wants to look like a Hellraiser Demon while walking the streets. And listen to his MP3s.

[mex Posted May 20th 2010 6:38AM]

I'm sold, forget the EVO

[tonyunreal Posted May 20th 2010 6:48AM]

Why so serious?

[whySoSerious Posted May 20th 2010 8:39AM]

@tonyunreal

Yes? How can I help you?

[jiubreyn Posted May 20th 2010 7:54AM]

New [Forever White], how dirty mouths get clean.

[charrr Posted May 20th 2010 8:11AM]

The robots took his mind over.

[Milo66 Posted May 20th 2010 8:23AM]

then start your webcam.

[VojD Posted May 20th 2010 8:52AM]

Craptacular

[MojoYugen Posted May 20th 2010 8:54AM]

I so now have my next Halloween costume!

[Strand0410 Posted May 20th 2010 8:55AM]

Looks like a DIY Goatse kit.

[thisNthat Posted May 20th 2010 8:58AM]

It's John Locke!

[orches Posted May 20th 2010 9:01AM]

CrapGadget

[Djade Posted May 20th 2010 9:44AM]

Spray him in a blue silver and he could be Mr Frost, like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Batman, although probably with better acting skills.

[The Albatross Posted May 20th 2010 9:55AM]

It would be cheaper, easier, and perhaps healthier, to simply paint your teeth white...... and then jam out to some tunes on a boom box.

[Geaux Posted May 20th 2010 10:09AM]

What a DB.

[Omoks Posted May 20th 2010 10:10AM]

Oh wow! Best post of the day. Laughed to tears on this one. Good writing engadget.

[Geaux Posted May 20th 2010 10:10AM]

Well, this is a new spin on the word "Bluetooth"..........

[MrGreen Posted May 20th 2010 10:42AM]

This method of whitening is a scam, by the way. Teeth get whiter because of dehydration and it's temporary. The More You Know.

[mukatuna Posted May 20th 2010 10:52AM]

Finally a decent use for blue LEDs. Much better than filling tacky PC enclosures with the things. See also cheap electronic gadgets.