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Uncle Sam's nefarious plot to pwn your garage door

Evan Blass
December 5, 2006
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Republican / Democrat, Christian / Muslim, Team Kristin / Team LC -- despite our many differences, if there's one issue that all Americans can agree on, it's that law-abiding, tax-paying citizens should have unalienable sovereignty over their automatic garage doors. So you can imagine the uproar occurring right now in Colorado Springs, Colorado, ever since the nearby Cheyenne Mountain Air Station (headquarters of the North American Aerospace Defense Command) began testing an emergency radio frequency that has the unintended consequence of pwning numerous garage doors within a 10-mile radius. It would be one thing if the doors just randomly opened and closed on occasion -- smashing a few windshields and delivering a few good laughs -- but apparently the Air Force signal completely flummoxes the garages' RF receivers, often resulting in a pricey house call or an even pricier replacement unit. According to David McGuire, owner of the suddenly-profitable Overhead Door Co, it may be possible to slightly tweak the transmission frequency and put an end to this madness -- an option that Captain Tracy Giles and team are reportedly looking into. While it may be somewhat of an overstatement to call this the most pressing issue that the country has ever faced, if we don't come together as a nation and nip this outrage in the bud, what's stopping Big Brother from waltzing in and breaking our home surveillance cams, car door locks, or -- gasp -- even our remote-controlled projection screens.

[Via The Inquirer]



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