Games that shouldn't be MMOs

Akela Talamasca
A. Talamasca|02.28.08

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Games that shouldn't be MMOs
Here's a corollary post to an earlier story. Our cousin site, Cinematical, has brought teh funneh with a post about which board games would make awful movies. In that spirit, we now present to you a list of games that would make terrible MMOs, in no particular order.

Please note that these are merely our particular opinions, and we're not saying that a cleverer-than-thou developer couldn't make a great MMO out of these games ... but for reasons we'll state here, it's highly unlikely. Then again, sometimes the best-sounding ideas turn out some awful games themselves (*cough* Fury *cough*), so it all evens out. Excelsior!

Katamari Damacy: Doubtless inspired by watching Dung Beetles hard at their odorous work, the original Katamari Damacy was a breakout hit across all demographics. Who knew cleaning up your room could be so much fun? Reexperience the spherical joy with Katamari Damacy Online! With a Level 70 cap, if you've ever seen two stags fighting to assert dominance, or two sumo wrestlers vying for victory, or even Sisyphus pushing his boulder against a mirror, then you have a pretty good idea about what PvP in KDO resembles. Thrill as your ball bumps up to, and freezes in place against your opponent's! Chill as the King of All Cosmos gets a little too close with his freakish codpiece! Spill the contents of your wallet as you buy new outfits for your Little Prince via the power of microtransactions!

Rock Band: Whether you're a seasoned musician or a complete amateur who's never picked up a guitar, Rock Band makes everyone a star! Now, the Web makes it easy to bring that excitement to closeted geeks all around the world, with Rock Band: Widespread Panic! Leverage the power of the Internet to wow the crowd with your PUG as you try to get a Complete score despite crippling lag! Discover the challenge of asynchronous music! Features classic hits like Stereo MCs' 'Connected', Jamiroquai's 'Virtual Insanity', Live's 'I Alone', and Pink Floyd's 'Brain Damage'!

Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney: An MMO with full voice support, Phoenix Wright: Screamin' At the Top of My Lungs challenges your vocal cords as you try to out-shout your opponents for the win! 'Nuff said.

Peggle: For the first time anywhere, Pachinko fans can indulge in their favorite pastime online, with Peggle Internet Adventures! You've loved staring at the screen by yourself, now share that passion with your friends! And in a revolutionary addition to the classic gameplay, PIA introduces the 'Nudge' button -- use it sparingly; too many button presses and the arcade manager will throw you out! Massively multiplayer online games have never been so static! (Note: requires DirectX 10 and high-end video card).

Leisure Suit Larry: Sharpen your flirting skills with Leisure Suit Larry: MASSIVEly MultiPlaya Come-On-line! Go beyond point-and-click to the immersion of the new 3D Touchy-Feely™ Interface -- GUI has never been so gooey! Go gold farming for gold diggers and compete against other players to see who can set the Sexual Revolution (note: link NSFW) farthest back! Utilize your arsenal of male enhancement pharmaceuticals to go the extra mile and level up and Up and UP!

Urgh. Let's just stop there, shall we?
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