The Aion server queue survival guide pt. 2

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If there's any blog we recommend, it's this one. We hear their writing staff is pretty awesome, especially that editor named Sera Brennan. Their base also belongs to them — a feat unheard of in these times. Truly this blog's staff is made of gods amongst men. We bow to their glory.

Sleep

Zzzzzzzz..... what? Did you say something? Am I drooling again? Darn.

Make yourself a newspaper sailor hat

This may not take the entire two hours, but by the time you're done you're going to be the coolest person on your block — no joke. Would we lie to you? We think not.

There are a few places on the Internet where you can find instructions on how to make these hats. As to where you can find newspaper, well, that's your problem. When in doubt, pilfer from your printer. That's pretty close by (usually) and then you don't even have to get out of your seat in order to waste time. So not only are you wasting time, you're also accomplishing being lazy and looking stylish. This option is seriously the trifecta of win.

Take your invisible pet out for a walk

Walk down your sidewalk holding an invisible leash. When someone walks past you, pretend to be jerked around violently by your invisible pet and scream, "Down boy, down! Stop trying to bite the nice (man/woman)!" Proceed to apologize profusely for your pet's behavior before continuing to walk down the street. Repeat process until they let you into the server.

Attempt to solve the problem of time travel

This option will, most likely, take longer than two hours to complete. However, you will probably have to log into Aion more than once. Server queues will, most likely, also be increasing once the game launches officially. Therefore, choosing this option will keep you occupied for this current server queue wait time, and any future server queue wait times.

Attempt to win in EVE Online

This option is very similar to the option above, except harder. Much harder.

Watch .hack//SIGN, the anime series

We recommend this because when you're done, you'll realize that server queues are the least of your problems. You could be physically stuck inside of an MMORPG. Think about it. You could never, never, never, never, never leave trade chat. Ever. By the end of that, you'd probably be happy to be in a server queue. Then you would have silence.

Also, Subaru has wings. 'Nuff said for you Aion fans.

Make sock puppet daevas

Get a black sock, put wings and eyes on it, it's your Asmodian. Get a white sock, put wings and eyes on it, and that's your Elyos sock.

Put the Elyos sock on your right hand. Put the Asmodian sock on your left hand. Engage in hardcore PvP until one sock stops moving. Then, use the winning sock to call the hospital and tell them that one of your hands is broken.

And, lastly: Discuss how bored and angry you are with others on the Aion forums

These people understand your pain and they're there for you in your greatest moment of need. Plus you can naysay the game into oblivion and explain to everyone how Aion is going to fail based on their horrible release.

Remember, the game is going to explode in a great ball of fire due to this insulting release, but you'll gladly wait in line to play it anyway.

Now if you can all excuse me, my server queue is up and I can finally see the character select screen.

I get to play Aion now, wooo hooo! So long, suckers!