The Elven Agenda: What Hi-Rez doesn't want you to know pt. 2

Piece of Evidence #3 — Nail in the coffin!

Now, perhaps up to this point you're saying to yourself, "Well Sera, all of your evidence is circumstantial at best." It is to you that I say nay! For I have proof from Hi-Rez Studios itself that they are deceiving all of us! And this proof is the best type of proof — it's right in front of your nose every time you log into the game.

There, right there on the splash screen, hidden in all of the logos and other legal mumbo jumbo, is the truth, ladies and gentlemen! Global Agenda tells us that they're delivering us a "Spy-Fi experience," but they had to tell the ESRB the truth behind their smoke and mirror show. They're rated T for Teen not because of "Spy-Fi Violence," but for "Fantasy Violence!"

If there were really no Elves in this game, then they wouldn't need a moniker like "fantasy" in front of their violence. They'd need something like "Advanced Technological Violence" or "Super Spy Awesome Time Violence," or "There Are No Elves Here, Just Technology and Guns Violence." But, apparently, under the rules of the ESRB, they don't qualify for any of those ratings.

Fair and Balanced Reporting — Hi-Rez Studio's Response

In our attempt to be a source of fair and balanced, we reached out to these sellers of marketing treachery to get their rebuttal to my airtight arguments. The studio had this to say when confronted with this mountain of evidence against them:

"We recognize there is ongoing public debate as to whether Global Agenda should rightly be categorized as an MMO or not. And, this was indeed a contentious issue between Hi-Rez Studios and the ESRB.

When we presented our game they evaluated it against their traditional MMO checklist: tab-targeting – NO; long travel times – NO; collection quests – NO; excessive grind – NO; elves – NO. Personally we thought it was somewhat of an odd list but they were quite adamant and seemed especially offended by the total lack of elves.

Finally after many closed door negotiations we compromised and granted them at least one rune in the game. And now we've been busted because your investigative reporting team has uncovered that rune. Perhaps we should have resisted harder but it was the ESRB!

They seemed so powerful. And wise and noble...and physically attractive...and attuned to the natural world... and adept at music and poetry... and... wait a minute, it is possible we've been deceived?"

Perhaps the company has been deceived by the ESRB. And, perhaps they didn't know that they had inadvertently inserted Elven propaganda into their game. But without solid evidence, it seems we'll never know the truth behind this difficult, racially charged issue.