Ask a Faction Leader: The Brothers Bronzebeard
WoW.com's prestige in the community has afforded us the opportunity to speak with major Azerothian leadership figures on any subject, and we're letting you, the reader, Ask a Faction Leader!
We recently spoke to Master Mathias Shaw, leader of Stormwind's SI:7, and he shed light on several key issues, including melee hunters, frenemies, cheesemongers, black dragons and erotic fanfiction. In this installment of Ask a Faction Leader, we'll be sitting with the brothers Bronzebeard, dwarven royals who tread very different walks of life.
Our first reader question ...
Dear Brothers Bronzebeard:
Thunder Ale or Rhapsody Malt?
Sincerely,
Alenei di Capernio
Shadow Council
The brothers respond:
Magni: Gettin' dwarves to agree on beer is like gettin' humans to agree on pizza toppings. Not possible. And ye'll never get a dwarf to say his favorite, either!
Muradin: That said, o' course, Rhapsody is the best one.
Brann: Y'kiddin' me? Thunder Ale is the superior brew. It's objectively true!
Muradin: All this travellin's made yer palate go haywire, lad.
Brann: I may be a dwarf, but even I can recognize when my ale tastes like Tinker Town smells.
Hello,
I've heard many stories about the strength of the Bronzebeard Brothers, but I have two questions (not entirely unrelated). Who is the strongest fighter, and who can hold his ale the best? I suggest you test the latter and then the first. I and a few of my fellow ... fighting enthusiasts will be waiting in the dark to see who wins.
Eagerly,
Elder Dray'kin, Blood Elf of the Sin'Dorei
The brothers respond:
Brann: Well, it ain't me for the fightin' title.
Magni: Yeah, Brann's punched several constructs in their metallic faces over the last year or two, but I'd say it's probably a toss-up between me and Muradin.
Muradin: I wouldn't say it's a toss-up. Do I need to repeat the story about how I became king of the Frostborn?
Magni: Yes, yes, killed a jormungar worm all by yerself. I forged the bloody Ashbringer!
Muradin: But ye never swung the thing! Brann spends all day runnin' around ancient ruins, but that doesn't mean he built Ulduar!
Magni: Ye're splittin' hairs.
Muradin: Aye, that's somethin' ye can do with an axe -- once ye learn how to swing one, anyway. Maybe I'll teach ye sometime.
Magni: Fine, then I'll teach ye how to drink ale.
Muradin: Oh, tall words from the shortest of the brothers Bronzebeard. Ye can't order a pint if ye can't reach the bar!
Dear Brann,
I've noticed you played a really important role in the Ulduar area, and I really liked that. However, I didn't actually know about you until this one quest I was sent on in the Storm Peaks. I killed an iron dwarf in a cage and found a holo-emitter from which a picture of you appeared and started babbling in Dwarvish. But when we met again in Ulduar, you seemed to be perfectly fluent in Orcish (or Tauraje, take your pick). How did you learn the Horde's language so quickly? And can you teach me Common? I would really like to insult those mean people in Wintergrasp in words they can understand.
See you later!
Valior-Level 80 Tauren Druid
Uther realm
The brothers respond:
Muradin: So, true story. One night, when we were but lads, the three of us went to ... ah. I'm embarrassed to say it.
Magni: We went to Booty Bay. Jus' admit it.
Muradin: We went to Booty Bay, and we decided to sample the local fare. That is, the good stuff.
Brann: Oh no, Muradin, don't tell this sto --
Muradin: Oh, I'm tellin' it. So we drink basically all night, and Brann here, 'e gets so hammered that he walks up to this, ah, fine young lass --
Brann: Muradin, I swear to Golganneth --
Muradin: ... he walks up to this fine young lass and offers to buy her a drink.
Magni: Wait for it ...
Muradin: And then asks if she wants to go spelunking with him. Word fer word. Got a drink thrown at 'im. The next mornin', I see the "lass" looking around the weaponsmith's, and sure enough?
Magni: That's right. Male high elf.
Brann: What in the Firelands does that have to do with me knowin' Orcish!
Muradin: Nothin'. Why?
Dear Brann,
I found your mining helmet in my last Halls of Stone run. Can you give me your current address so I can send it to you? You never accept my trade offers when I see you in the dungeon.
Sincerely,
Austus of the Ebon Blade on the Fizzcrank realm
The brothers respond:
Brann: Aye, lad, sorry! My bags are always full! Part and parcel o' bein' a world-famous explorer, after all. I'll send you my address.
Muradin: Can you tell him to send along those greaves I lost, too?
Magni: And if he's seen my resolution anywhere, send that along as well.
Brann: How exactly does one just casually lose his resolution?
Muradin: Probably a new video card.
Dear Bronzebeard Brothers,
How do you feel about becoming grandfather/granduncle? What kind of education and trainning do you think the new Bronzebeard-Thaurissan heir needs?
-Dwarf shaman trainer looking for a job
The brothers respond:
Muradin: The what?
Magni: You don't know about Moira being pregnant?
Muradin: I've been amnesiac for several years now, Magni! I thought I was king of a bunch of blue guys! You thought I was dead, for Eonar's sake! You'll have to forgive me for being behind on family news!
Brann: Wait, who's pregnant?
Magni: Moira? My daughter?
Brann: Still? She was pregnant before I left for Northrend! That was five years ago!
Muradin: Wait, wait. I know dwarves have a long gestational period, but five years? Ye should have that lass checked for gestational diabetes, Magni. That baby must weigh a hundred pounds by now. For all we know, she's got five or six heirs in there. We're gonna need more chairs in the throne room.
Masters Bronzebeard,
With all respect to His Majesty and Muradin -- Brann, you have been an idol of mine for years. I long to see and learn as much about Azeroth as you have, and I have your letters that accompanied my Explorer's Tabard and Rusted Proto-Drake stowed carefully in my safe deposit box.
My question for you is twofold: firstly, as someone who's crossed faction lines himself, how can I help use my thirst for knowledge as a way to bring our people together (aside from teaching myself broken Dwarven from the drunks in the Legerdemain)? And second, is there any chance in the Nether that a particularly well-read and respectful Darkspear troll could obtain some degree of membership in the Explorer's League?
Jezriyah of Orgrimmar
The brothers respond:
Brann: Always glad to help a fellow explorer! My first recommendation: ruins! Go find some. Preferably some with somethin' really old and nasty under 'em that wants to kill everybody. Nothin' brings people together like a monster made entirely of mouths. If ye have to settle for a monster made of other sensory organs, the scariness level goes something like ... let's see. Mouths first.
Magni: Then eyes, probably.
Muradin: Then noses.
Brann: Then ears. Y'know, I'm not lookin' forward to meetin' some old god made entirely of ears. Although that does sound like somethin' you'd find under Kalimdor, with all those night elves hangin' around. But, ah, y'had a question about the Explorer's League.
Magni: I think this one might prove a little difficult.
Brann: Well, y'know I'm a fairly progressive dwarf, so I'm not against ye joinin' our ranks. But the Explorer's League headquarters is in Ironforge.
Magni: I'm not sayin' ye can't join Brann's little club. Just that you might have a hard time makin' it to meetin's.
Dear Bronzebeard brothers,
How come only one of you could afford to put a gold coin in the Dalaran fountain. Arent' you all princes?
Telliar
Draenei Paladin
Cenarion Circle
The brothers respond:
Muradin: I'm not sure I like this lad's attitude! Dwarves tend to be careful with their gold.
Magni: And it's not as if ye become rich tossin' all yer gold into fountains. Especially if ye're Brann.
Muradin: I'm pretty sure that was the only gold coin he's ever actually had.
Brann: All my assets are liquid!
Muradin: If by that y'mean y'spend all yer assets on liquid, then that I believe.
Magni: That'd certainly explain the hat.
Brann: This is my lucky hat!
That's all for our audience with the brothers Bronzebeard. Next week, we'll be speaking with High Tinker Gelbin Mekkatorque, leader of the gnomes! Simply email sacco@wow.com with the subject line "AAFL" with questions you'd like him to answer -- anything from radiation cures to trogg defense -- and you might just get a response.
