xpPhone since June of last year, but amazingly enough, we'd yet to actually see one in the flesh until today. Slyly stuck in the back corner of Microsoft's Computex booth were a trio of xpPhones, at least one of which was shockingly functional. As the story goes, the company has decided to axe Windows XP in favor of a much more lightweight version of WinXP Embedded, and responsiveness seemed suitable enough given the circumstances. And by "circumstances," we mean "the outrageous size." You see, we've no qualms making and receiving calls on an ultra-sleek Dell Streak, but this bad boy was pushing a solid inch in thickness. Sure, there's a slide-out QWERTY keyboard, optical sensor and integrated Bluetooth, but that hardly makes it viable in a world where smartphones are thinner than wallets and full-fledged laptops are rolling in at under 10mm. During our time with the device, we found the display to be surprisingly crisp, and while our finger presses were easily recognized, the omission of an accelerometer, the tremendous size, inexcusable weight and the tremendous size kept us from falling head over heels. We will say, though -- it'd make a darn good weapon should someone pull a fast one in the alley, and we'd probably buy one for kicks at under $150. Comedy ensues after the break.