Rumor Roundup: Play that funky Misek

A modest proposal: Apple should award a unibody aluminum dunce cap to the analyst whose record of predictions turns out to be the worst in any given year. We're only into March, but one analyst is already standing above the rest.

Purported 'iPad 5' cases again hint Apple will adopt mini-like redesign (AppleInsider)

Direct from the article: "It's uncertain whether the case designs - all offering similar slots for controls, microphones, connectors, and speakers, and all shaped like the iPad mini - are based on familiarity with Apple's plans for a forthcoming iPad redesign or whether they are simply guesses based on assumptions of Apple's plans."

This disclaimer ought to accompany every single story like this. Case designers have been wrong many times.

Rotten rumors of impossible Apple stock split helps fund manager clear profits (AppleInsider)

"Apple may split its stock," says some guy. Based on that rumor, the stock price goes up. That same guy then sells some stock and makes a tidy profit. Nothing suspicious about that at all. Move along, nothing to see here.

Apple may need $137B cash hoard to weather 'very rough' next two years, analyst says (AppleInsider)

Peter "How does he still have a job?" Misek, who's built a career on being constantly incorrect about what Apple will do three to six months in the future, quadruples down and bets on what Apple's fortunes will be like over the next two years. All this really shows is Misek is adapting; rather than making short-term predictions that are soon proven false, he's playing the long game with predictions that won't be proven false until 2015.

Apple's versatile magnetic stand concept could securely hold an iPad upside down (AppleInsider)

Although the standard "Apple patents stuff that never sees store shelves" caveat applies, this is one case where I really hope this technology does make it into shipping products.

Corning Says Devices With Flexible 'Willow Glass' Displays Unlikely to Appear for at Least Three Years (MacRumors)

Remember when Corning announced flexible glass, and people with no concept of production scalability immediately shouted from the rooftops, "iWatch! iWatch coming in six months with flexible glass!" Well, it turns out that there's a wide gulf between "Look at this neat thing we can make," and "Look what we can crank out by the millions every month." Who knew?

Former Apple CEO: Apple needs another 'creative leap' (BGR)

John Sculley, who will be forever known as "The Guy Who Fired Steve Jobs," echoes all the strident doomsayers of the past six months by saying Apple needs to unveil its Next Big Thing if it wants to stay on top. Bear in mind that Sculley's tenure as CEO was the first step in transforming the Apple of the 1980s into the Apple of the 1990s, so take his advice with a grain of salt roughly 12,000 kilometers wide.

Rumor: $330 polycarbonate iPhone with 4.5" screen planned for 2014 (AppleInsider)

Now taking all bets on which, if any, of the numbers in that headline are even close to correct.

Rumor: Apple to ship 'iPhone 5S' and more affordable iPhone in August 2013

The "source" of this rumor might be the worst I've ever heard: a Chinese tech site citing analysts. It's totally backward, too -- usually it's the analysts citing sketchy Chinese sources, so now we've come full circle. The only way it could be worse is if Digitimes starts publishing rumors based on anything Peter Misek says about Apple. I'm sure if we wait long enough, it'll happen.