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Interrogating Siri: We ask Apple's digital assistant the hard-hitting privacy questions

Mike Wehner, @MikeWehner
September 13, 2013
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With more and more information about the potentially worrisome link between the NSA and some of the biggest tech companies in the United States coming to light each day, Apple's announcement earlier this week of a new smartphone that can read your fingerprints was accompanied by plenty of conspiracy theories. Sure, Apple thoroughly explained that your personal biometric information is stored only on your device itself, but that hasn't done much to calm privacy concerns. But rather than sit back and let the everyone else have their paranoid fun, I decided to put on my own tin foil hat and put the screws to Siri, the heart and soul of the iPhone, in an effort to find out just exactly how big of a privacy threat my smartphone actually is.

When I first began my line of questioning, I did my best to make my iPhone 5 feel comfortable, hoping that a relaxed Siri would make her more open to divulging the iPhone's secrets. We sat on a couch in my office and chitchatted for a while. I asked about the weather, the local football team, and we discussed movies for a while to get her warmed up. Then I moved in for the kill.

Ouch. Shot down. Perhaps a more broad query would help matters.

I guess not.

At this point I decided it was time to take the gloves off. I brewed a pot of coffee, turned the heat up, and relentlessly assaulted Apple's virtual assistant in hopes that she would crack.

The suspicious responses continued for some time, with Siri keeping her poker face firmly in place. It was a battle of wills, but I could feel that the interrogation was beginning to take its toll. One more finely tuned question was all it took.

I knew it! Finally I had the evidence that Siri is indeed working against humanity. With the air now clear, it was time to hit her with the question everyone has been asking this week... and her response was chilling to say the least.

That's it!

It was at this moment I knew I had to call off my plans to purchase the iPhone 5s. Siri had shown her hand and revealed the true danger she poses to iPhone owners.

I was a broken man. I sat there for a long while, hoping Siri would at least try to explain why Apple feels the need to destroy our privacy. A single tear dripped down my cheek as I made one more plea for Siri's mercy...

In this article: apple, funny, humor, iOS, iPhone, privacy, security, siri
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