Live like a king with this dick bidet

Wash and dry your undercarriage with every trip to the toilet.

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Men, ask yourselves, "is my cock really as clean as it could be?" I mean, you wash your hands after using public restrooms (or at least you should, you filthy bastards) so why wouldn't you give your Rob Thomas a quick cleaning while you're at it? With this new high-tech urinal you'll be able to do just that.

Behold, the Urinary 2.0! This smart urinal is packed with sensors that monitor your stream and activates the cleaning mechanism as soon as you stop. The urinal will spritz soapy water on your hog for three seconds before a hand dryer-esque blower dries your nethers. What's more, the wash cycle cools the spray in the summer and warms it in the winter because dammit, you deserve to be pampered every now and again. And, best of all, for those of you not hung like donkeys, the urinal will adapt its aim to spritz you right in the family jewels, not on your pants.

The Urinary 2.0 is currently in its prototype phase, though its Spanish development team -- comprised of biochemist Eduard Gevorkyan, economist Ivan Giner and business coach Miguel Angel Levanteri -- are currently in talks to sell their patent to another company for €680,000, or about $765,300. The team is also working on a version for the ladies as well. That means we could be just a few short years away from seeing these full-service piss pots in public restrooms across the globe! Just remember to forgo the hot wax undercoating. It's a total ripoff.

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